I thought I was strong enough to deal with whatever I feel inside. I thought the new spirit was able to make me perceive the truth that surrounds me. I thought my mind was tough enough to finally accept a certainty that I’ve been looking for. But regrettably, my thoughts were not reliable enough.
I used to love this one guy soo much as in he used to be one of those whom I always think about day and night. I still remember the moment he had to go somewhere far and had to leave me for 6 years alone, I cried day and night, thinking about how my life would be without his presence beside. He used to be the one who always teased me, laughed with me over my stupid jokes, and spent our time together. But since he went away, we were not like we used to be. Until he found someone else, his soulmate so to speak, everything had changed. He canceled our outing because he had a date with that girl. He declined to spend his time with me at this one special place because he had a candle light dinner with that girl. And I once asked him to call me immediately and he scolded me because he was with his girlfriend at that time and he said I didn’t understand him. Time flies… even until now, when he has already gotten married to that lady and soon will be a father, I still couldn’t get rid of all those bad memories. I tried so hard to get over everything but I failed. Even if I gave the most honest smile to him, I could still feel the unhealed scar inside. And I’m still waiting for the unlikely time for the wound to heal. Now, whenever he tries to be good to me or asks me out, it’s my time to say ‘no’. And hurting the ones you love is like killing yourself. The pain penetrates me so deep that I couldn’t hold the feelings at times and broke down.
I came to think that the more you love someone, the more sensitive you become and once he did something silly [that you shouldn’t have been sad about], it hurts you so much that you hardly accept his apologies. The more you love someone, the heavier the burden you have to carry on your shoulders. The more you love someone, the more time you spend to cry over him. The more you love someone, the longer the time you need to take to forget every single thing about him. The more you love someone, the tougher the obstacles you have to go through. And the more you love someone, the stronger you THINK you can be. But the truth is, the more you love someone, the further you are from the REAL AND TRUE LOVE. And that’s the time when you have to look back and think for yourself and not for other people, especially the one you love the most.
I’m sorry.. Maybe I couldn’t accept this because I used to treasure you so much. Maybe it was my fault for putting the hope too high. Maybe it was my fault for not being understanding. I know it’s not your fault at all and I should have been thinking that everything you did was for my own good. I wanted to believe that way but I’m not that strong. I failed. I’m defeated. I know you are a great and wonderful guy and you’ve been at your best all the time but it was truly my fault for searching for your love in the first place, which is the most FALSE and untrue love of all. I’m sorry.. for myself..
I used to love this one guy soo much as in he used to be one of those whom I always think about day and night. I still remember the moment he had to go somewhere far and had to leave me for 6 years alone, I cried day and night, thinking about how my life would be without his presence beside. He used to be the one who always teased me, laughed with me over my stupid jokes, and spent our time together. But since he went away, we were not like we used to be. Until he found someone else, his soulmate so to speak, everything had changed. He canceled our outing because he had a date with that girl. He declined to spend his time with me at this one special place because he had a candle light dinner with that girl. And I once asked him to call me immediately and he scolded me because he was with his girlfriend at that time and he said I didn’t understand him. Time flies… even until now, when he has already gotten married to that lady and soon will be a father, I still couldn’t get rid of all those bad memories. I tried so hard to get over everything but I failed. Even if I gave the most honest smile to him, I could still feel the unhealed scar inside. And I’m still waiting for the unlikely time for the wound to heal. Now, whenever he tries to be good to me or asks me out, it’s my time to say ‘no’. And hurting the ones you love is like killing yourself. The pain penetrates me so deep that I couldn’t hold the feelings at times and broke down.
I came to think that the more you love someone, the more sensitive you become and once he did something silly [that you shouldn’t have been sad about], it hurts you so much that you hardly accept his apologies. The more you love someone, the heavier the burden you have to carry on your shoulders. The more you love someone, the more time you spend to cry over him. The more you love someone, the longer the time you need to take to forget every single thing about him. The more you love someone, the tougher the obstacles you have to go through. And the more you love someone, the stronger you THINK you can be. But the truth is, the more you love someone, the further you are from the REAL AND TRUE LOVE. And that’s the time when you have to look back and think for yourself and not for other people, especially the one you love the most.
I’m sorry.. Maybe I couldn’t accept this because I used to treasure you so much. Maybe it was my fault for putting the hope too high. Maybe it was my fault for not being understanding. I know it’s not your fault at all and I should have been thinking that everything you did was for my own good. I wanted to believe that way but I’m not that strong. I failed. I’m defeated. I know you are a great and wonderful guy and you’ve been at your best all the time but it was truly my fault for searching for your love in the first place, which is the most FALSE and untrue love of all. I’m sorry.. for myself..
Take time to THINK. It is the source of power.Take time to READ. It is the foundation of wisdom.
Take time to DREAM. It has the future made of.
Take time to QUIET. It is the opportunity to seek God.
Take time to PRAY. It is the greatest power on Earth.
Wallahu’alam.
4 comments:
im ingat dina dah ok dengan your so-called 'sis'. hey, tak elok la dina. well, i don't want to say much because it's only you who can help yourself. oh by the way, i like those wise words at the bottom of the post. nice put
wei jgn ar ckp camtu. do u think i like to feel this way? u noe how i'm struggling like hell dont u? sometimes, u think u can help yourself but u actually cant.
oh those words were taken from the ESQ book. i love the wordings. they give me hopes =)
ehermm.. and now? sheesh dina ni. burok la perangai. hahaha
shhhhhhh :X
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