Of Making A Choice

Sleepy . Lazy . Confused . Missing someone . Delighted . Thankful . Obliged . Indecisive . Etc .

Life is all about choice. No matter how hard you try to shun from making a decision, there’s always other choices coming on your way and you have to pick one, someday. You might choose not to make a choice but that’s just the stupidest thing to do. Because after all, choices are the reality of life and not deciding any means being in denial and that does not change the truth. Sooner or later, we have to face the world. And being in the position to choose can be hard, sometimes, especially when two desired choices overlapping each other and it need more than just one thought. But we have our ultimate way to get out of the predicament and that is by doing the istikharah; the prayer for seeking guidance. So why worry?

November’s coming. And tomorrow is going to be my 5th week of lecture. I’m not sure if I’ve been much occupied or what but time seems to sprint like flash this lately. Too many things came about that I don’t know which one to tell. I’m not really in the mood to blog actually but I just feel like writing something so here it goes the jottings.

Well, last Saturday we went to Oxford with some friends and seniors from Notts and Sheffield. It was very enlightening to meet my good friend from Sheffiled, tik@h and it was a good experience to wander around the town and looked at the architectural point of views of the dwellings, relating it to Islamic point of views. It was fun.

Then today, another group of friends from Warwick paid us a visit and we just went to the carboot where I got a rice cooker attached to a steamer for 5pounds! Yep, I’m pleased. Then we went for lunch at S@r@ restaurant somewhere in the town with Hi$y@m being the tourist guide yg takdela berjaya sangat. Hehe.. But we had fun though. Meeting college friends means missing every bit of college moment and saying goodbye is not something to be happy about. Hope there’s a next time.

Those are the main events for the moment. Rasanya laa. Oh and yea, I was mistakenly elected as the secretary of Leice$ter Univ. Malay$ian $ociety. Dalam banyak2 post, post tu jugak la yg dapat. Dah la mmg x suka betul jadik secretary ni. Tapi takdela menolak sangat. Dah dpt amanah tu, buat je la yg terbaik kan. Bila cakap pasal jawatan2 ni kan, aku mesti terigt kat @zmir, my senior housecaptain kat kolej dulu. “Jadi pemimpin bermakna meletakkan sebelah kaki di atas neraka.” Betapa nak menunjukkan beratnya amanah tu. Fuh.. Takpe, ikhlas and terbuka hati, that’s the key.

O Allah, I seek Your counsel by Your knowledge and I seek Your assistance by Your Power and I ask You from Your immense favor, for verily you are able while I am not, and verily You know and I do not, and You are the knower of the unseen. O Allah if You know this affair is to be good for me in relation to my religion, my life and end (or he said my present and my future), then decree and facilitate it for me and bless me with it. And if You know this affair to be detrimental (harmful) for me concerning my religion, my life and end (or he said my present and my future), then remove it from me and remove me from it and decree for me what is good wherever it be and make me satisfied with it.

Of hopes and dreams

Couple of years ago, Abg Amir bought me a small notebook with a “Hopes and Dreams” neatly embossed on its front cover. I really sayang the book such that I didn’t know what to write in it. I was too picky choosing the right words to write. I’ve thought of writing some motivational quotes or anything like that but I don’t know why have I not written anything ever since. So I’ve left it unwritten for years and years.

When I was packing my stuff at home before my departure, deciding on what to bring, I somehow brought it along. Maybe it has some hidden personal meanings to me. I actually had a bitter experience before but as I grew up, I know it’s not worth withholding it to me. I think that book is what has kept me strong enough to drain everything away.

I thought the book would remain blank forever. But I somehow finally found something to be printed in it. And it really does give me hopes and dreams. Some of you might have been familiar with the script, some of might have not. But that’s just the beginning. There are plenty more to come, I hope.

Anyways, tadi tgh usha2 @d@m punye frenster, tetibe tenampak gmbr $T@RI@NS and lupi pon ade. Tadi sms ngan lupi. "Hehe org mmg suka letak gmbr aku dalam frenster diorg. Study hard, makan elok2 esok, have a good weekend tau, papehal call la aku kat skype, take care k.."

I can’t think of any one reason why I wanna be a surgeon,
But I can think of a thousand reasons why I should quit,
They make it hard on purpose,
There are lives in our hands,
There comes a moment when it’s more than just a game,
And either we take that one step forward,
Or turn around and walk away,
I could quit,
But there is the thing;
I love the playing field.

Now I'm missing my brothers already :(

Of feeling pleased

Sometimes, when you think you can live on your own, you don’t need other people to make your life more evocative. I mean, all important people that you need are beyond your reach and you might just say to yourself, “Oh well, everything will be fine. These people I have around are more than enough to make me feel happy here,”. You think you’d be able to keep everything on pace; your emotions, your needs, your dislikes etc. And for that, you’re a true pretentious person who lives in a world of make-believe.

And to be honest with myself, I might be that kind of person, at times. Not until I realise that I actually need ‘other people’ to give me comfort once in a while.

“Jaga kesihatan tu sket. Sejuk2 ni, wear warm clothes, ok? Makan vitamin C and minum air banyak2. Jangan sibuk jaga camera tp kesihatan sniri tak terjaga. Kalau teruk sangat, nanti jumpa doc tau. Kalau melarat nanti susah. Get well soon ok. S doakan deyna cepat sembuh..”

To me, those are the simplest words you can say to a person who is suffering from a bad flu, like MOI~ I don’t know why I was so emotionally affected when S told me that. I mean, he is someone whom I’m not so close to, and we rarely chat in ym and at right this moment, when I just need some sort of support, he turned up. And if I must say, I really need that badly. But it’d be more beautiful if Mum said that though. But I don’t want to make Mum worried. I know I’d just be fine..

And that brought me to another thought: When you think you’re alone and no one is there to acknowledge your presence, HE is always there to listen to your heart :)

Allah is sufficient for us and He is an Excellent Guardian and we repose our trust in Allah.

flickr.photo

P/S: Thanx a lot, S. It’s very very nice and thoughtful of you..

Of Adam and Eid

First of all,

Secondly, Angah Aya dah deliver baby last 10/10 and it’s a boy :) Nama dia Encik Adam bin $h@hril @z@m. And accepting the fact that I now have 3 nephews already doesn’t help me to not feeling homesick. I’m terribly missing home now. I sooooo miss nazme, aida, effa and zarif and I am soooo looking forward to seeing adam with my own two eyes. Sob2.. Now I know how severe and awful the feeling of being away from home can be.

Celebrating raya in Leicester was fun anyway, esepcially when you intentionally skipped lectures and group work. Hehe... Albeit I keep feeling homesick every second, I did enjoy the Eid festival in Leicester together with brothers and sisters around. Walaupun melayu kat sini tak seramai tempat lain, I really feel the warmth of being a part of the family in Leicester and I am really glad to have these people around. Ketupat and ayam masak kicap, however, was never going to be available here so that’s the only reason for the incompleteness of my raya. But other food was as splendid though. Makan mmg tgk igt dunia, banyak gile. Hadui.. penat penat..

Other than that, everything here is going on fine. Lectures and studies seem to be quite manageable, FOR THE TIME BEING! Cuma hari tu mcm tensyen sket nak cope with studies but that’s just a normal process of adapting, I guess. Everything is ok now. Although I have quite a prob with my accommodation, I think I’ll just let everything be as it is. Though I really hope I could get myself transferred to another flat for some personal and financial reason. Still praying hard for that. Tapi kalau tak dpt, redha dan pasrah je la. Pandai2 laa buat gaya hidup orang kaya untuk setahun ni. Haha..

Oh and we, some of the first year students went to Nottingham the other day. Although the trip was quite short, we really had fun. K@k Z@ff@n, my senior back then in college brought us around the town and we met some of friends there. I don’t know why I didn’t seem to be familiar with Notts even though I’d been there once before, for Angah Aya’s graduation. The place was really foreign to me. Don’t know why.
Talking about Notts, Ru2@ini was there too, always high-spirited for ESQ. And talking about him, I just found out that @zhre3n’s, my coursemate who used to be my classmate in Langkawi, parents and her sister are also E$Q Alumni. Excited gile bile aku tau. Huhu.. She hasn’t got the chance to go sbb dia ada IB exam hari tu and x sempat nak pegi. And one more exciting news is, another alumnus is coming to UK soon. He’s going to do his PhD in Salford Univ, Manchester at which dad did his research couple of years ago. I was like, “waaah, bestnyee!!!” and I really miss the place. Huhu.. It’s so exciting to come to realization that I’m still connected to these people here in UK and I really hope that could help me maintaining the ‘momentum’. Now I start to miss ESQ. Hmm..

Well, if you might notice, I rarely update my bloggy like I used to dulu2. If you go back to 2005 archives and compare it with recent posts, the contents of my post are really deviating from the norm. Maybe I just have another way to express myself, which is by taking pictures. Or perhaps it’s just simply because more and more UNKNOWN YET NEARBY people are now starting to play ‘peek-a-boo’, if you get what I mean. I don’t really mind though, having these people read my blog, that is really fine with me. But I just don’t find the thrill to write anymore. I love this blog though so it does take me times to grind it to a halt.

So it’s 0000 now. I need to rest. AND SLEEP. Till then.. Salam~

Those were the days..

Sedang kami beborak ketika berbuka puasa dengan M$M di Loughborough:

Dina: Saya nak pergi PU1$1 tu tapi mak saya insyaAllah datang so x sure lg. Lagipun mmg nak pegi tmpt abang saya kat C0rk.
Kakak X: Owh abang awak dekat C0rk?
Dina: Ha'ah, senior akak dekat McB dulu.
Kakak X: Owh ye ke? Siapa?
Dina: Lutf!.

Kakak X terdiam, tersenyum sinis dan tersipu2 malu. Kuang kuang kuang..

And at right that moment, I got what that means and I smiled, imagining myself to be in her shoes. I probably did the same thing. Probably. Or I might just get silent and pretend like nothing happened, like I usually do.

Selepas beberapa ketika:

Kakak X: Alaa tapi tu dulu2 masa belum matang lagi. Masa kanak2 ribena lagi.

And I said to myself; Oh well.. If I were kanak2 ribena, I wouldn't have involved in such thing. It was really something that taught me to be more matured and grown up.

And I smiled at myself. Again.

What a memory. . . :)

Oh by the way, the light microscope that we use in Histo Lab is manufactured by Nik0n. No need to say more, do I?! Hah hah hah..

Going through

Wow, it’s October now and a couple of weeks left for Ramadhan. Time runs just so fast. Things in Leicester have been great. Though a tad exhausting, I’m still finding my feet. Lectures started this morning but since we’d gone through the orientation pretty well last week, we were not that unprepared. My group mates are cool. I haven’t get along with them that fine yet but they always put me in comfort, no matter what topic they’re discussing about. Well, of course things like drinking, clubbing and all are expected but I’m coping with it all right.

I’m not sure what I should write here, really. It’s just a new set of people around, new environment, new course, new experience and whatnot. Leicester is small town but accommodates quite a big number of people. It just gets very crowded when you go to the town during weekend and I found that quite loathsome. It’s a nice place for studying but you might want to get out of this place if you want more happening and cheerful environment. I might be biased but I think Manchester treats me better and I’m missing every bit of it.

Living here means being homesick for every second of your life. The first day I stepped my feet in the UK, everything reminds me of home, from the 13-hour journey to the smell of the wind. Having @SD@ nearby, walking down the road, listening to Will Y0ung’s song being aired doesn’t quite help. I’m missing home so much. But I’m proud to say that I haven’t wept ever since I came here so that’s a good achievement for me. Hahaha.. well, I did cry at the airport [Duh!] but things got calmer and I am chilled out now [not by the wind, of course!]. I think Allah materializes my wish for being strong to be apart from family because I just thought everything would be worse but it turned out just cool. Harapnye bekekalan la kan. Heh.. But Mum’s coming here this winter, insyaAllah dengan @nid n Ic@h so hopefully that would keep me strong for at least another 2-3 months. I’m having my one month winter break and so does Lupi so harapnye dpt la pegi Cork yg kononnye cantik tu.

Hmm.. well, I actually don’t have anything much in mind. Ic@h is sitting for her PMR this week. @nid is still frustrating with her trial results. The moment I got her sms, telling me her results, I wanted to give her a call immediately but I had not gotten any simcard then so I couldn’t. She got straight A’s but with only 7A1’s. To me that’s good enough. But of course it was devastating for her because first, she thinks if I could get straight A1’s for my trial, why can’t she? And second, she wanted to haunt for any express offer available but obviously she might get rejected straight away with such results. Well I really don’t know actually.

I had a thought over it and what came to my mind was, it’s not the capacity of your brain or how much knowledge you have in heart that helps you to get through but the beliefs you keep in your soul that counts the most. At least that is what I keep my strong grasp on all this while and if that seems to work then my theory might just be right. Being in my current position now might be the dream of many other people out there. Of course it is. It has been my dream as well. But never in a million year have I ever thought that everything I achieve today is all due to my struggle and pain. It’s not that I don’t believe in myself but I’d rather believe in HIM more. And you just won’t feel any happier than that. He knows what’s best for you and all you must do is work hard, keep on praying and never give up. I’ve talked about this banyak kali dah but sometimes we might just overlook it and when we didn’t get what we want, we’d pin other people/things.

Anyhow, I’m not intending to give any lecture whatsoever, just a little thought we could ponder upon.

Bilik tengah bersepah gile. Heh.. So I think I’d stop now. I’ll try to keep this bloggy updated as frequent as possible [I don’t know why people keep on checking this bloggy. It’s soo boringggg] and to all my girlfriends/boyfriends in other parts of the globe, do keep in touch!~ Marila bercuti ke Leicester, ade banyak restoran halal yg sangat sedap. Heeee :D So take care people! And do appreciate the remaining days of Ramadhan :) Salam~

No matter how hard the wind blows, no matter how scoching the sun is, no matter how cold the soil you stand on, it's HIM, the possessor of all strength upon which we should rely. To Nadhrah n Icah, good luck and all the best :) Miss you guys so much :(