Memoirs Of The Boxers

One thing I hate about holiday is the thought of going back to college and the moment itself. It really puts me off completely as I have to meet again and carry all those responsibilities, be it as a daughter, a student, a friend and a God-knows-what. It’s not a mere play of thought that I usually have but it’s some kind of jitters that I wish the time will never arrive. But yea, as cliché as it may sound, life goes on…

I don’t know what is waiting for me ahead in the next 3 days. They have this so-called leadership camp and like it or not, I HAVE TO and MUST participate. Or should I say forced to? Nothing about the camp lifts the excitement of it but having to know that I need to get back to college 3 days earlier than others. And those 3 days are so so indescribably precious I tell you! And my family is going to Genting on this Saturday. Nak ikut :(

Anyways.. I watched ‘the contender’ for the first time of this new episode just now. I felt really good to see Sergio Mora, Peter Manfredo, Alfonso Gomez and others back on the screen as the audience. How I miss them so much. Huhu.. the first time I saw the trailer, I didn’t really feel attached to it. And then when I started to follow the programme, I felt the thrill out of it. It is a real superb tv show, indeed. I’ve never felt obliged to watch tv before as I feel for ‘the contender’. I feel like I’m being with them all way through. Emotive and inspiring are enough to make me stick on the couch in front of the tv and have my eyes open without any blinking for one hour [ok, that’s exaggerating. Hehe..].

I used to like Jesse very much. He’s cute, bergaye, kacak dan macho but just did not have the luck to win his final game. And the final match between Peter and Sergio was a blast. I remember how motionless the ambience was when the spokesperson was about to announce the winner. Memang serious best nak mampus! [oops terkasar bahase..]. It somehow saddens me for not having the chance to follow the programme again this time. I mean, I have other things to do in college and even if I had the time to watch, I need to berebut with others for the tv. It’s my luck if they want to watch the same channel but otherwise if they don’t.

Well, Jeff Fraza re-entered the programme after having to be sent back during the previous episode due to his bad health condition. It’s good to see him back with his high spirit to win but quite heartbreaking to see him lost. The match between Freddy and Steve was very cool and although Freddy was sent back, he was the one to be remembered sebab anak die comel. Hehe.. I don’t know why but I just feel the chemistry between me and them [poyoness overload plis..]. And believe it or not, I have never missed shedding some tears every time I watched one of them having to be sent back. Haha.. Tapi memang serious sedih. I mean, some of them joined the programme to help the family. Some of them wanted to remain the name. Some of them are sacrificing for the kids. They just teach you how to be brave and fearless no matter how apprehensive the obstacles waiting ahead and giving up is just not in the rules of life. And even if the failure is on their sides, they always feel as proud as a hero because they just knew how their utmost effort plays the role and how hard they have tried. Memang sangat encouraging ah! Sayang diorang! Huhu..

‘The Contender’ is really my big time favourite and I’m glad that AF has never had a place in me. *applause plis!* Haha.. Yep, I have never watched AF and never feel interested in it. And whoever wins this time around, Jesse will always be in my heart :)

The ignorant world

I have just finished up my English assignment, an essay on something about the development of poorer nations. It brought me to the world issue that has been haunting the global society [especially the muslims] this lately, about prevalent war in Middle East especially in Palastine, which has been historical concern since over the past centuries. I wonder how cruel the world has become. Not just those laknat yahudi over there, but us ourselves. Talking about muslims and brotherhood that is.

I’m not pointing out to any party but what has centered our attention by lately is something that is totally out of the line. We concern more about celebrity’s marriage [don’t ask me who] and celebrity’s problematic relationship with his or her fiancé. I mean, WHAT IS UP WITH THAT? Do they really need to broadcast all those affairs? Do people know how suffer the palestenians and lubnans are in their own land? Do they bother to know? I bet they don’t. No offence to any party yea but I’m just wondering why people nowadays are too obsessed with something that gives them nothing and don’t even bother to at least know what is happening around the globe. Giving financial aid to those suffering people are better than sponsoring a wedding event. 1 million people!! What’s the point of backing up the millionaires when thousands of people dying in other part of the world? I just don’t get it!! Am I making any sense or am I not?

I came across a blog of my friend’s. She wrote something about her concern and feel sorry for those kids in Palestine and Lubnan for living in such a world. They have never asked for it but that is what the world is giving them, poverty and death. I’m not intending to judge her by any mean but I wonder if she has ever tried anything to help the kids in any way. An organization in college had conducted a fund raising before and I myself was about to donate, standing besides her. Quite surprisingly, she said to another friend, “Aku tengah kumpul duit nak beli beg baru arr..”. Excuse me? Ok, that is one. Another thing, she did not even attend any talk regarding those issues. She doesn’t deserve to feel sorry when she knows nothing about the issues. Bet words will always remain as words right?

I’ve experienced myself with one of my expatriate teachers in college on how he insisted that Israel is doing the right thing. I think the whole class was in a shock stage when he asked us “How many of you don’t agree with Israel’s action and justify.” Nobody answered at first. Bajet ah…siape berani. Until one of my classmates stood up and gave her opinion, then the whole class started to voice out. You know what my teacher said? “The Israeli is trying to back themselves up. They want to establish their own region and I don’t see anything wrong with that. And that is why they need to make an approach with all those armies.”. I mean….. HELLLLLOOO????? Taking other people’s land for their own sake? That’s bullshit! Who are they to halau orang2 palestine from their own land???? What rights do they have to do that??? That does not make any sense at all!! But to western people, that does make sense. After the class ended, my teacher told my friend, “You better find an Israeli friend then you will know how to be more flexible over this thing.” All in all, I was very impressed with her for having the guts to go against our teacher but deep down, I hated myself for not. That really shows how terrified and fearful we are [or I am] to back up our own religion.

And seeing orang islam kat Malaysia sendiri, we are being injustice without our knowledge. We keep being ignorant yet keep on insisting that we are not. How pathetic is that?

An offer, a shockness and a book

So meo ne sms-ed m e yes t erd ay.

A nd.. .

H eof fere dt ospo ns orm efor a hol ida yin Sa bah.

Hah hah hah..

Of course I won’t accept. He’s a tail, man!

Anyways, the UKC@Test was a blow. Teberak gak ar jawab. Siooot betul.. No, the questions were ok, not that difficult but the time allocated was too short. They gave you 5 long passages with 4-5 questions each and needed to be answered within 20minutes. Another 65 iq questions are dedicated for 15mins [!!!!!!!] in another section. Hmm.. I wonder if I’m not meant for such a test. Yea, maybe I’m too dumb. Hahah.. But at least I attempted all questions leaving none incomplete ones. That’s good enough I guess.

I’m sick of all these tests you see. I know the number of rivals is perking up and getting into med. school is like waiting for a prince charming but interview and personal statement are as much as necessary I presume. They are dreadful enough, killing you mentally. I know it’s worth struggling to go through all these stages and end up as what I’ve dreamed of but I have had enough. Sometimes I feel it’s too much. Sigh..

But anyhow… I came about something shocking [to me, at least] today. Remember sh@h the best friend of mr. 768477? He got straight A’s and will be going to L3icest3r!! NOOOOOO!! Well, actually L3icest3r is my first choice university and I’m not expecting people like sh@h to go there as well. Aisehman.. See, I really can’t run away from him, can I? I mean, the least predictable person to go to L3icest3r is sh@h but only to find that he’s the first person I know who’ll be going to that place. Hmm… I don’t really mind actually but I don’t like the awkward feeling inside of knowing that sh@h is somewhere near. Oh well…

I remember one question Mr. Vr0gue asked me during the mock interview, “If you happened to be rejected by any med. school and had the least chance to further your study in your chosen line of business, what other career would you like to do?”. One straightforward answer shooting out from the voice of my head was ‘a photographer’ but I wondered if that was the right and the best answer to give. So, I countered him with other replies that I supposed would be at least the finest answer to offer. I’ve been trying hard to learn some photographical stuff but I really don’t have much time. The only thing I could do is search stuff on the net, which in a way does quite help me, but not just as satisfying. So I treat myself with this…

[note: the pictures are applied with 'lightbox'. wait until the page is fully loaded to view the pictures.]

...the cheapest book amongst others that I could get and it’s nothing but interesting!! Boleh tahan laa with the hard covers, the tips and advises and cool coloured pictures inside. My only mission when buying things is not feeling any sense of regret, that’s all. So yea, my mission this time is accomplished!

Hampehss

Me: S@r@h, awk ade masuk blog kite x?
S: The last time kite masuk was malam ahad. Kenapekah?

So this is not s@r@h and must be somebody else. I'm not trying to be fastidious whatsoever but I'm not very fond of this. Lawak la jugak senornye because my intention of writing names with symbols is to avoid people from getting into my blog inadvertently especially those who like searching on g00gles or yah00 but it didn't work out well apparently.

But anyways, unexpected things do happen don't they? To you who did the search, welcome to this blog and please reveal yourself. Don't let me get my head down looking for you in college yah! [I assume you're in the same college]. It's not pleasant.

Grievance

I’ve been hearing people claim that life is so unfair. I’m not saying that those people are wrong but to come to think of it, does life have the rights to be blamed? Or is it people that actually need to be pinned for not knowing how to be grateful? Who and what makes the world to be unfair? Do people have their rights to judge life that way? Should people blame themselves or should they pin something that is unable to control itself? Are people smart enough to define what unfair is with their own words?

Think, people. God has given us more than what we deserve yet we forget how to be thankful. And just because we don’t get what we want, or we don’t achieve what we pursue after endless effort, we blame life for not being fair towards our self-interest. Now, how unjust is that?

Miss them :(

a_shazman: i viewed anid's friendster page.. bukan die dah delete ke?
deyna_87: ooow die buat baru..
a_shazman: ko tanak buat balik ke?
a_shazman: i thot it's one of the means ko communicate ng die?
deyna_87: hoho..it 'was' but no longer maa..
deyna_87: malas dowh..
deyna_87: aish, bukan ko yg kate enuf is enuf ke?
a_shazman: takde laa, since he'll be in malaysia for these few years......
deyna_87: ?? mcm x lengkap je ayat tu..
deyna_87: ????
a_shazman: takpela..x jadik sambung
deyna_87: wutever....
a_shazman: ko x rindu kwn2 ko ke?
deyna_87: rindu ar gak..
deyna_87: but not having a friendster account doesnt mean aku x bleh contact diorg
a_shazman: memang la
a_shazman: mmg ko ade email diorang sume
a_shazman: tapi mcm emud, amer and sume tu
a_shazman: dzu n sape2 tah lagi
deyna_87: ha'ah la wei.. rindu gile diorang :(
a_shazman: ngahahaha
deyna_87: ko jahat ar..saje nak ingat2kan!

"alaaa nape deyna tak datang gathering??? best gile!!!!! kitorang sume tunggu deyna tapi tak datang2 pon!! abg din yang duk selatan pun datang."

"happy birthday, dik!! bile nak datang singap0re claim hadiah?? abang, jaded n amer ade hadiah besar gile!! sotong kurita!! hahahaha.. hidup sotong!"

"fulamak....taiko dah mai dah!!! ok2 korang..jom sume blah.. deyna, ko main sorang2 la eh!"

"deyna, jom main pool! abang ajar.."

"ok tido elok2.. jatuh katil bangun sendiri ok. hehehe.."

"mane aci abang din ngan deyna satu geng!!!! kalah ar kitorang!!! tak aci!"
"hahaha..jom deyna..tunjukkan skill kite yang hebat!"

"budak kecik tak bleh join la deyna.. ni untuk orang dewasa je.. huehue.."

"deyna, abg din baru je blah.. die kirim salam... esok die nak turun johor.. jom!!"

"many congrats tu you deyna!!!!!! jauh ke utara laa lepas ni.. langkawi-singap0re.. jauhnye!!"

"take care deyna.. we're gonna miss you.."

Although I've lost contact with them, they will always present in mind, as long as I'm alive. 3 sweet years, can never be replaced.. Bro gigzm0 a.k.a abg din, smoge berbahgie dgn kak nur and baby comel! :) Rindu korang!

Au Revoir

The seniors were around. They came to college to retrieve their results slip. It’s very nice to see them back. We’ve been missing them since the juniors stepped in. Good to hear that their batch did well in the exams and got the highest number of students getting straight A’s. Met p3jai just now and as expected, he got straight A’s as well and insyaAllah he’ll be going to L3eds. Tak jadik nak apply L3eds la mcm ni. Haha.. I wonder what he’s been up to. Nak kawen dah kot agaknye.. Eksyen bleh tahan. Meluat pun ade gak. Takpe2, aku dah biase dengan sikapnye yang kerek itu.

Anyways, ramai jugak yang ade tadi. And can’t it be hidden, he was around as well and people kept talking about him (I wonder why..eceyhh..). I expected him to come but, I don’t know.. I felt weird when I saw him just now. He looked good (and great as ever! Haha..) though.. I mean, he did not seem to be THAT bad, you know. I believe he’s accepted everything with an open heart. I hope he does. And for that matter, rumours are going around about his father sponsoring him to go abroad. I don’t know. Anak b0ard of governor petr0nas, takpela, kayos beb. Ahaks… And the wonderful part is, I got to have a quick chat with him *dancing with joy!* :) Kejap je la.. tu pon sebab mr. C0nquest bagi break 5mins time econs class tadi. And coincidentally, he just passed by my econs class so I had a chance to talk to him for a while. Heh.. He said he’s going to UN1M but from the way he mentioned, he did not sound assured. But whatever it is, he’s doing ok I guess.

I don’t really have things to say actually. It’s just good to see him back (and the seniors, of course), with a happy face and know that he’s doing ok. And I’m really sad now for that would be the last time I’ll be seeing the seniors, especially him before we can meet each other again in a very long time, Allah willing! Well, I hope to see them in UK though, if I get the chance to fly abroad. Heh... Most of them will be flying off to UK this September. I hope they’ll do great in whatever they do. Gonna miss them so much :)

I thrived to seek for the light..
But the clouds were too dark..
I wondered if the eye of heaven ever appears again..
My hope was blown to smithereens..
As if I was the one who encountered the gloom..

But today, the sun shines again..
I see your happy face.. thankful and grateful..
Your beam cheers up my day..
How I hope the time stops and never goes away..
But I believe He has a better plan..
Although seeing you go away hurts deeply..
I accept everything wholeheartedly..
As I believe, everything happens with a reason..
Until we meet again..
May Allah bless you.. through out the years..

Nostalgic

I was browsing the net and i found this. Sabar je laa.. Hahah.. Mind you, this is lakonan semate2.. KYU3M student takde la sepoyo ini (ye ke? Haha..). The first one was my super duper seniors' production. And the second one was diamond seniors' production. I only found diam0nd's and garn3t's. T0paz and $apphire are not famous enough to be broadcasted on the net. Haha.. Lawak ar jugak.. tapi poyo tahap gaban ah. Heh..

Video done by KMYS / KYUEM students. Hilarious yet informative. Healthiest Jedi ever lol!-Health Awareness Week

Hero/in: Na$yita and Kurt. -Nostalgic Night

Autoretrat0

So it was true. He did not pass his scholarship requirement. Everytime people mentioned about it, I somehow felt traumatized by it. I just couldn't imagine how things would turn out later. I just couldn’t imagine how he felt. But what else can I do? I’m helplessly waiting for a miracle to appear, am I? One thing that I’ve been thinking of though was to imagine if I was in his situation. That would be the most poignant moment in my life ever!! But yea, I know he’s much much stronger than I am and I hope he could address every obstacle coming along. You know what people say, “Alaa memang laa die nampak macam redha je tapi dalam hati, siapa tahu..”. If only I could be the one to support him in every possible way. If only I could..

I’ve been feeling cheerless this lately and when the news kicked in, I felt even worse. I went to Tanjung Malim just now, breathing in new air, just to distract my mind from too focused on that particular matter. And then I dropped by those web pages I’ve missed since few months ago. I’m kinda missing my fella bloggers somehow. Miru|, W3nk, taik0, te3k, b!nx and all.. And not to forget, my beloved F|ickr stuff. I stumbled upon several cool pictures but what enthralled me most was this:

I know that the guy got a kinda attractive appearance but what made me think this picture is a cool one were the words that the photographer resembles the picture with. “She doesn't know me, but I’m looking at her as "forever"...From the outside, far away, but with a whole life invented inside...I love her, but she doesn't know me. It's curious, but nothing else matter.... It’s right... I smile....” – YIMIBL00. The guy himself is good looking pun. Hehe.. And the focal B&W is cool as well. But I really like the assemblage of the words potraying the picture. Very sweet and meaningful, don't you think? Am I being too jiwang or what? Haha…

Anyways, moving on to my recent updates. The semester break is coming up. I really can’t wait to go home. But my super seniors are organizing some sort of outdoor activities this weekend and I was apparently invited. I wanted to go but thinking of the very short break I have, that doesn’t really help. And then, all Musc0mians, Student C0uncils and Housecaptains are having another leadership camp during the last three days of the holidays. Meaning to say that we’ll only be having less holidays than others. And that really need to be compromised. Since lupi anid and icah ade kat rumah, we’re planning to go for a trip to anywhere laa but I really need a break. So, might not be going to the outdoor activities this weekend. I know it’s going to be an interesting event but.. I don’t know. Don’t feel like going.. Maybe because I’m still in the gloomy mood. I’m feeling like being detached from everything. Especially him :( Haih.. I need to be strong, I know. And I really need to get over it. I need to focus more on my UCAS application and all those interviews!! Now, this is a real killing *dead!!*

I think that’s about all for now. I was about to sleep at 930 just now. And then n0man sms-ed me and asked me to come to a short meeting regarding the leadership camp. Tengok2 telajak sampai kol 11 lebih and I have to prepare the proposal by this monday laa bla bla.. Secretarial work is really not my job! Arghh… Emo betul.. Huhu.. What to do, housecaptain lain sume tanak jadik one of the committee, last2 aku gak kene. Sob2!! Ok, enough said. Take care people. Nite!

Let Allah Decide II

Someone had let me down today. My whole plan for today was disrupted. There is nothing left within myself to be perceived at this moment. Everything seems disappointing. I have never thought to receive such news. It’s like having my wish undone. It’s like seeing my white hope fly away. Unutterably hurt..

I admit wholeheartedly, he was the guy I’ve always wanted to be with, if I must say that. I told some of my friends about him. I even told mum and anid about him, feeling very proud to stand him out because he really is a great guy. But being me, I’ve always kept that to myself. Until I have to let everything go, I’ve never felt regretful whatsoever even though I had to accept the bitter part of the truth. I don’t mind because my 2-semester stint here in college was one of the most memorable moments I’ve ever had. Of course I felt frustrated like hell but knowing that this place was once a witness to such an unforgettable friendship, I’d feel more than glad to see things go on their own pace and speak with their own words. He has taught me so much about life and I got nothing else to be thankful for but him.

Although it took me quite a while to stabilize myself and get settled in after everything was over, I still kept on praying for his success. Because for some reasons, it was my own wish to see him being a person he wanted to be one day. My hope was to see him at least for the last time when he retrieves his results next Thursday with the most delightful face ever and knowing that he finally got his dream fulfilled would be more than enough than what I hoped for him and myself. And I somehow believe that he actually deserved more than what he had.

But after today, I’m not sure anymore if I can keep on hoping to see my wish be materialized. I’m not sure anymore if I can be one of the happiest persons in the next few days. I’m not sure anymore if I can see his happy face again. And I’m just afraid to confront the reality and I myself can’t still believe the news I heard on the grapevine.

The Diam0nd House conducted today’s assembly. So, while I was busying myself just now, somebody came over me and said, “Dina, dia tak dapat fly..”. I was like… “WHAT?!”. “Tak sure whether he didn’t pass the petr0nas requirement or ape but that is what I heard..”. I was like……… “NOOO! God, please tell me this is not true..!”. I felt like crying at that spot. Everything was like sooo murky and unbelievable. I don’t know…

I asked a few of my friends and they told me the same thing. I wanted to ask him myself but I don’t know how. Well, ade la email and boleh je nak tanye die but I don’t know. I feel not to.. I don't have the guts. Maybe in a way because I don’t want to get involved in the thing anymore or maybe because I am still coping up with the uncertainties. Ntahlaa…

But what made me proud of him was what he said to sh@k about his results. “Results aku tak ok sangat tapi alhamdulillah laa..”. I was like, “How come he can still say alhamdulillah when he knew he cannot fly?”. Yea I know, I’m such an ungrateful person. But saying something that you have never wished for really shows the bravery and I’m touched and proud of him, really. For now, I just hope everything was not true… Allah knows what is best for him.

Alaaa Tok!

Tadi pegi berurut dengan t0k mail yang comel kat tanjung malim [sebab segala sendi rase mcm nak tecabut lepas main basketball semalam. jari dah tebengkok biru2 dah. nasib baik menang huhu]. selepas berurut, kami [saya dan 3 orang kawan] berborak2 dengan tok mail yang lawak itu. dan selepas seketika, atok itu berkata kepada sy@t, "atok tengok awk, atok rase awk kawen lambat la". Sy@t yang tiba2 terpaku dan terkesima itu pun kesedihan, "Alaaa tok!! Tapi saye nak kawen awal!!". Atok itu pun memulakan tilikan dengan begitu yakin. "Haaa, betul laa. dalam umur 26 ke 27 awk jumpe la die. die duk dekat2 je ngan awak. Kira sekampung la". Dekat2?? Jeng jeng jeng.. "Dekat mcm mane tu tok?". Kemusykilan melanda. "Mana boleh bagitau. Tok boleh ckp camtu je. Tak boleh pecah rahsie lebeyh2". Baiklah..kami akur..

Atok tu pun menilik tangan @isyah plak. "Hmm..awak kawen awal dalam umur 23thn. Tapi...tak lama lepas tu awak cerai..". Ai$yah terpana.. "Apa tok?!". "Tapi dalam umur 33thn awk kawen balik". @isyah masih musykil. "Takpe tok, saye akan cube jage rumahtangga saye dengan baik", kate Ai$yah dengan yakin.

Lepas tu, tiba giliran k0ca plak. "Hmmm..awak kawen awal dlm umur 22thn!! Dengan orang selatan..". "Alaa tok. tapi saye nak jadik doctor, 22thn saye tak habis belajar lagi!". K0ca kerisauan memikirkan masa hadapan yang masih kelam. "Laaaa..ape salahnye.". "Orang selatan tu maknenye orang johor ke? Atau selatan England?". "Mane boleh cakap lebeyh2..". Baiklah.. kami akur..

Dan kini, tiba giliran saya!! "Hmmm..." atok tidak berkate ape2 selama beberapa puluh saat. "Nape tok?" tanye saye yang kebingungan. "Hmmm...awak ni tak kawen kot!!!". "APAA???!!! Sampai hati atok ckp mcm tu!! Saye nak kawen tok!! Berilah saye harapan!!" kate saye dengan penuh simpati. "Laaa..mane aku tau. Aku tak nampak!!!". "OH TIDAKKK!!! saye nak call mak saye la suruh carik dari sekarang.." saya cuba menenangkan hati sendiri. "Alaa susah payah je carik, kalau dah takde tu takde laa.." jawab tok sambil ketawa sinis. "CIS!! Tidak mengape tok, saya akan berusaha!". "Baiklah, kalau nak kawen, jangan lupe ajak tok ye!".

Kami semua memandang ke arah atok dengan perasaan yang berbaur. "YAKIN JE TOK NI TAU!!"

Kesimpulannye, esok ade test, tak study lagi ni!!!! Sibuk memikirkan mase depan yang masih tiada hitam putihnye. Hahaha... Yang paling kureng sekali ade sorang kawan ckp kat saye tadi "Takpe dina, e-j0d0h kan ade :)" sambil tersenyum. "CIS KAMU!!!!!". Aku takdela desperate. Hahah.. Ok dah habis merepek. Tata..

The picture is taken by the blogger :)

The Unusual Thing

It has been one of the deadliest weeks ever. I’m not gonna complain this time because I notice there has been quite a number of depression and of sorts in the last few posts. And neither am I gonna write good and beautiful topics as there has not been any yet. This might be kind of informal post. Well, I actually don’t have interesting things to write, you see so I’ve gotta make this entry as attention-grabbing as it can [or might turn out the most lame entry I’ve ever posted. Maybe.. Heh..].

So..

Ermm…

It goes like this…

Hmm…

How do I put this? Ermm..

See, this is lame really. Doesn’t seem interesting at all..

What if I’m coming to the end?

Ok laa macam ni.. [this is super lame..i know..]

“Budak tu terer gile. Dah ade SRP! Bla bla bla… die penah masuk silat gayung, takewando, aikido, kick boxing bla bla.. tapi die kate silat cekak gak paling best.. dah ar lagi terer dari ***** [or also known to me as mr 768477.. yep, him..] bla bla bla..” I said to Akma|. I hoped her to reply something that shows her amazement, but she didn’t. My intention to engage an exciting conversation was dramatically tempered.

“Aish ko ni dina.. macam2 ko tau pasal budak tu. takkan sekarang ko nak ade skandal dgn budak tu pulak. Dulu dah ade skandal ngan ***** dah ar..”. I was like “WOW!!! What a statement!!!” – dalam hati je ah. Visibly, I just acted blur.

With only those words she spitted out on my face, my whole mind was somewhat disrupted. Emotionally, my thought did slightly change way towards all those memories involving ‘him’ but ironically, it was not as usual. Segala mak nenek tibe2 muncul dalam kotak fikiranku [cewah ayat bajet bagus..]. From fer0z to a|itt to m@x to the stalker to sh@h [mr 768477’s friend], everything just popped into my thought. I’ve never written anything regarding fer0z because it was like so sooo long ago but what I can say is, he was the first person I knew through the chatroom which eventually brought me to a|itt and m@x. Complex, I know. But anyways, what came to my mind was this…

Let say your name is H@na and you have a crush on this person, A. To make this story dramatic, let say you actually fall in love with him. He’s the finest guy you’ve ever met and he’s the only person you want to be with through your entire life. But unfortunately, he doesn’t know and you’re not intending to let him know. You’re not that close to him, just a friend and not more than that. You’re really fall for him such that you think you see a glimmer of hope to grow but at the end of the day, the hope you’ve foreseen shatters into pieces because he’s got to go far far away and you think you can never meet him again. You’re very very very disappointed and frustrated and having no choice, you have to pretend and indirectly lying to yourself.

Eventually, you think you’re doing ok until one day, another person, B comes into your life. And what’s worse, he’s the super best friend of the person’s you have the crush on, A. But that’s ok; you don’t tell B and you just keep that to yourself. For unknown reason, B confesses that he likes you and hopes you can somehow give him a commitment. You’re now indecisive because i) he’s a very nice guy and you do adore him although not really FALL for him and ii) he is A’s super best friend, to whom you still attach a tad of your hope. But since you have no choice and B is a really good and nice guy, you decide to commit.

After a while, you’re now become more closer to B and he is just the right person for you to tell everything to. He’s a good listener, very understanding, very supportive and you start to believe that you almost find your Mr. Perfect. One day, without having any intention to hurt him whatsoever, you tell him about your deepest secret, the one you have never told anyone else, that you have once had a crush on A. He shows a gaze of disappointment although he tries hard not to. You do understand how he feels of course, and apologize. But being so understanding and soooo gentleman, he replies, “If I were to make a wish, I wish he loved you in return, as much as you do”. And much to a surprise, his reply makes you love him more.

A few days after that…through Yah00 Messenger..
B: A, aku nak bgtau ko satu bende ni..
A: Aku pun!!! Aku excited sangat ni!!
B: Haa…ko cakap la dulu..
A: Ko ingat tak budak yang aku penah ckp dulu yang bagi aku hadiah CD Maxim tu?
B: Ooow budak tu…yang ko tegile2 sangat tu.. haa ingat2..ko contact die lagi ke?
A: Dah lame gile tak contact… tapi aku tekejut die bagi aku e-card birthday! Ingatkan die dah tak ingat aku dah
B: Haha...kire happy gile ah ni?
A: Mesti ah…. *suara kegembiraan* Ko nak tau satu rahsie tak?
B: Ape?
A: Actually ko kenal budak tu… Ingat tak budak yang kite nampak kat Mid tu?
B: H@na?
A: Haaa…budak tu laa!!

Jeng jeng jeng….after a few minutes of chatting..
A: Haa..ape yang ko nak bgtau aku tadi?
B: Errmm.. aiseh, aku lupe siot..

In conclusion, B knows everything. He knows that you used to like A so much, he knows that A actually likes you as well, and he knows that you’re still trying hard to win A’s heart. And because B loves you so much, he makes a sacrifice that no one could ever make…

B tells you everything on the phone, about how A feels towards you. You try so hard not to sound very delightful but he somehow knows that you’re the happiest person ever at that moment. And he finally says:
“H@na, I’m ready to step aside and let you get what you deserve. I know A is just the right person for you and I can guarantee you that he’ll make you happy and this is the time for you to materialize your ever dreamt wish.. You’ve been a very great friend and so has he. Both of you are the special people in my life and I want you guys to be happy. And seeing you guys happy is my happiness..”

Now, the decision is in your hand. Whichever path you take, you will never get the same result as another path offers you. It’s hard and difficult isn’t it? And if I were you, I wish I could never be H@na. Deciding over two guys who you love so much is like killing yourself and the worst part is to let one of them go..

Now, you may ask “ape kene mengene cite H@na ngan ape yang Akma| cakap tu?”. Well, A is actually mr. 768477 but B and H@na are vaguely in reality. You get what I mean? No?? Well, in short, Ru$hdina S0fia is a weird person, you see.. and making up stories is one of her talents. There is where the unusual thing comes in..

Which path to take?

P/S: I'm not H@na, so don't be confused. And again, just to remind you that this is a made up story so don't be fooled. Creativity stimulates mind, right? ;)