Thursday, August 30, 2007

Luar Biasa III

Haaa.. sebelum korang terus close window blog ni sbb dgr lagu background yang pelik and might be a bit funny, lebih baik korang sabar jap buat seketika, fahami n hayati lirik dia. If all this while you guys have been wondering what ESQ is all about, then, this song is the so-called ‘national anthem’ of the whole training. Tiba2 aku semangat ESQ bila dengar balik lagu ni. Tu yg semangat nak post entry ni. Huhu..

Dulu2 masa aku nak promote kat kawan2 aku penah gak bg diorang dgr lagu ni. Diorang dengar je diorang trus demotivated. Diorang kata mcm main2 and tak professional. Well, if they think so, ape aku boleh buat kan. Aku counter dengan promote cara lain la tp aku pun silap sbb promote bab2 nyanyi n senaman2 n main2 game. Bab2 content training aku kurang sentuh pun. Huhu.. Bukan tanak sentuh tp the whole content is more of an experience, rather than a knowledge so logically, how would you explain or describe an experience to other people kan? It’s supposed to be experienced, then you will appreciate the whole concept of it. Susah kan nak explain kat orang macam mana manisnya rasa gula kan? Haa, mcm tu la lebeyh kurang.

Anyways, kalau nak ckp pasal attitude yang ‘tak professional’ yg mcm kawan2 aku cakap tu, and also all responds and feedbacks that I received from those people whom I promote ESQ to, satu pengajaran utk diri aku ialah: Jangan komen pape mcm ko handal kalau ko taktau satu habuk pun pasal bende tu! Sebab most of them cakap, bende ni membazir [ye laa, bayar seribu lebih bang! Mmg la mcm banyak gile! Separuh gaji tu beb!], mengarut [amende laa 1 6 5 ni. Mcm tak belajar rukun iman, rukun islam sebelum ni kak oi!] and mcm2 la. Padahal, org2 yg join training ni sume professional2 belaka!

Masa training yg aku pegi, ada participants from HUKM. Doctors beb! Segala Dato’ nenek ke, Tan Sri Puan Sri ke, Anak Raja tak anak raja, sume join this training! Aku sedih sangat dengar respon2 yg sebegitu sebab aku rasa diorang tergolong dalam golongan org2 yg rugi sbb hati dia tak terbukak untuk satu bende yg terlalu tinggi nilainya. Tapi aku kuatkan semangat jugak, cuba cerita sedikit sebanyak benda yg aku boleh cerita. Tapi mungkin sbb aku mmg fail jadik promoter ni [masa kat Langkawi dulu, ada interview before nak join PUM, persatuan usahawan muda, I failed with flying colours! Huhu..] so, tak ramai yg terkesan yang nak pegi training ni. Takpela, mungkin itu adalah ujian bagi pihak aku kan.

Dalam training, benda2 yang menutup hati ni atau ‘God Spot’ dipanggil belenggu. Contoh2 belenggu tu mcm tu ar, respon2 yg tak sihat tu, nama dia PERSPEKTIF. People have bad perception on things that they don’t have any idea about atau dalam bahasa mudahnye, bersangka buruk. Kalau tak silap, ESQ training ajar ada 7 belenggu yang boleh menutup hati. Contoh2 lain ialah PENGALAMAN, LITERATURE, etc [sebenarnye tak igt istilah2 tu. Huhu..] and cara2 utk menghilangkan belenggu2 tu dipanggil ‘Zero Mind Process’. Dalam bahasa islamiknye, cara2 utk buang belenggu2 tu is dengan baca ‘Laa Ila Ha IllAllah’. Benda tu mmg dah biasa kita dengar tp dalam training, benda ni di explain dengan bahasa ‘digital’ so mmg in a way, boleh nampak the logic behind it tp aku susah nak explain bahasa digital tu kat sini. Heh.. Ni salah satu pengajaran buat diri aku sendiri masa tgh promote kat org.

And macam2 lagi aku belajar dalam training ni yang aku dapat kaitkan dalam kehidupan seharian. Tapi salah satu major content training ni is mengenal Allah. Aku mengaku kat sini, mmg aku dah hafal Asmaul Husna sejak tadika abim dulu. Bayangkanla brapa umur aku masa tu, rasa mcm dah secure je hafal Asmaul Husna ni. Tapi aku x pernah hayati maksud di sebalik nama2 Allah tu. Tp dalam training, sekecil2 benda dalam hidup pun kita kaitkan dengan Allah. Betapa benar statement “Allah sangat dekat dengan kita, lagi dekat drpd urat nadi di leher” sbb mmg segala2 benda kat sekeliling kita boleh kaitkan dengan Allah. Drpd oksigen yang kita sedut [Allah itu Al-Hayyu, Maha menghidupkan] kepada Matahari [Allah itu An-Nuur, Maha Pemberi Cahaya] dan sebagainya. Tu dari segi yang secara seriousnye laa.

Secara tak serius, atau yang lebih dekat dengan kehidupan seharian is orang2 di sekeliling kita. Satu benda yg aku belajar ialah, setiap kali aku nampak orang hensem kan, [tipula kalau korang tak suke tgk/usha org hensem/lawa!] aku mesti cakap balik kat diri sendiri, “Allah tu lagi hensem” and only with that thought, aku rasa tenang gile. Ok fine, mungkin korang kate, “ek elaa, tak sporting nye dina ni, org nak usha suke2, die nak serius2 plak sampai pikir camtu!”. Masalahnye bukan sporting ke tak sporting, mmg apa yg aku belajar, aku TERapply dalam kehidupan seharian, which to me, is a good thing la kan. And kalau aku jumpa org kaya yang sangat pemurah, aku rasa mcm “Ya Allah, baiknye laa orang kaya ni bagi orang ramai seribu ringgit sorang” tp aku trus teringat, “Ya Allah, Engkau lagi Maha Pemurah”. Nampak mcm simple tau tp sebenar2nye, mmg sangat tersentuh di hati. Dan situasi2 yg lain la, mmg semua benda baik tu, mesti Allah tu lebih baik daripada yang lain. Lepastu, kalau tgk P@k @ry semangat buat presentation atas stage, rasa mcm “Bagusnya P@k @ry ni, mmg salute tahap gaban, tabik spring ah! Bagus betul dapat buat org ramai tersedar” tp sebenarnya, cahaya 165 ni adalah ajaran Nabi Muhammad s.a.w. Betapa Nabi dulu lagi banyak dugaan yang dihadapi utk sebarkan cahaya 165 ni.

Lagi satu yang aku belajar is the Light of 165. Selama ni mmg dah belajar konsep ihsan, rukun iman n rukun islam tp selama ni aku nampak tiga perkara ni as 3 entities yang berbeza. Hmm.. fahamke? Camne eh nak terangkan. Maksudnye, aku rasa 3 perkara ni x berkaitan. Tapi lepas pegi training, aku lagi faham dengan 3 perkara ni. And lepas training, mana2 ceramah agama aku pergi, mesti aku nampak n faham the connection between these 3 concepts. And Alhamdulillah, bila aku lagi faham aku lagi terkesan dengan mesej yg cuba disampaikan.

Training yg aku pegi ialah training ke 4 masa bulan 2 dulu. Lepas2tu, aku just pegi training2 selepas itu kalau aku balik from kolej n kalau sempat je. Memang tak dapat nak commit sbb aku tgh final year A-level and mmg takde masa utk bende lain selain drdp studies so aku pun makin lama makin kurang promote ESQ kat org2. Sampai bulan exam je, terus senyap. Tapi senyap2 pun, aku ade jugak la pegi Renungan ESQ kat kl. Tu je la effort yg aku boleh sumbangkan as an @lumni ESQ.

And then, lepas habis exam and sementara aku cuti ni, aku pun pegi la offerkan diri utk jadik AT$, kire mcm ajk utk that particular training la. So, haritu aku jadik AT$ utk training ke 10 kat Matrade Centre, Jalan Duta. Masa aku jadik AT$ tu, aku rase mcm sedikit kesal sbb tak dpt nak join the team lebih awal. Rasa mcm ada dalam new family with penyayang people around [bughuknye bahasa!] so rasa mmg sangat best. First day aku join rasa mcm dah kenal org2 tu dah lama je. And sekarang aku sedikit kesal sbb x dpt nak join the next training sbb aku ada hal time tu. Oh by the way, next training is on 7-9sept kat putrajaya. Siapa nak register mmg sangat dialu2kan.

I’m not sure if “What did you get from the training?” is the exact question to ask at this point because I’ve written it in my two previous posts before: Luar Biasa & Luar Biasa II but I can’t avoid my own self from asking that question up till now because ever since I joined the training until now, there are just so many things in life that I can relate to the training. And just like what Ruz@ini [my senior in college who’s joined the 2nd training in PWTC on December2006] has said, “ESQ training yang sebenar ialah kehidupan selepas join the training. How you apply what you’ve learnt in your daily routine” and apa yang dia cakap mmg sangat sangat sangat betul. Lepas aku join the training, I see everything with a different light and aku cuba utk dapatkan as much pengajaran as possible from that. Kalau korang perasan, dalam post2 aku sebelum2 ni, aku try jugak selit2kan sket ESQ dengan apa yang aku tulis dalam setiap entry sebab mmg boleh dikatakan apa yang aku jumpa dalam hidup mmg akan relate jugaklah dgn ESQ. And secara tak langsung, harga RM700 yang aku bayar tu sebenarnya is untuk training seumur hidup and apa yang aku dapat mmg tak terbayar dengan duit tu. Alhamdulillah, aku sangat bersyukur.

However, takde satu perkara dalam dunia ni yang perfect kan. Kalau ikutkan, mungkin aku rasa sangat best sbb dpt join training ni tp hakikatnya, ujian yg aku hadapi lepas aku join training ni lagi hebat. Sebab aku dah faham apa itu ihsan, ape itu iman, so setiap gerak langkah aku, aku mesti jaga. Tapi ye la, aku ni masih terlalu banyak dosa utk jadik orang yang betul2 baik kan, so kadang2 tu, terpesong la jugak, I admit it tapi aku cuba la sebaik mungkin. Cumanya, cubaan tu mmg sangat mencabar laa.

And apa yg aku perasan kan, orang2 yang dah join training ni, sume rasa complacent tau. Diorang rasa, “Ah, aku dah join, so aku boleh jadik contoh terbaik utk org2 yg blom join”. Aku bukan nak buat perspektif buruk tp sungguh aku katekan, contoh2 tu bukanlah contoh terbaik. Ada sesetengah @lumni ni, tak pakai tudung pun. Ok fine, mungkin dalam proses mencari hidayah tp takdela sampai bangga dengan dr sendiri dengan appearance sebegitu kan. Dan dengan perasaan complacent tu, diorang menharapkan 100% kat training ni utk jadik lebih baik. Aku admit la, ESQ Training ni tak tekankan sangat bab2 feqah sume, tu semua kita kena belajar extra lagi la kan tp diorang x tekankan sgt betapa pentingnye benda2 tu. Diorg just tekankan benda2 basic 165 tu je. But whatever it is, from my personal point of view, I really needed this basic of 165 for me to further dive into the whole concept of Islam.

So…… tu laa. Ni la sedikit sebanyak yang aku boleh share. One thing for sure kan, tak pernah dalam seumur hidup aku, aku pegi apa2 kursus pun, aku akan igt kursus tu for this long. Selalunye kalau pegi kursus apa2, lepas seminggu dua, terus lupa. Betul tak? Ada tak mana2 kursus yg korang pegi yg korang betul2 applikasikan dalam kehidupan? Yang betul2 buat diri korang berubah? Tu je laa bukti yg aku boleh bagi nak menunjukkan betapa ESQ Training ni betul2 lekat kat hati. Alhamdulillah.. Aku mmg sangat2 bersyukur. Aku harap sangat one sweet day, ESQ Training ni akan dibawa kat UK. Dulu mmg P@k @ry nak bawak pegi UK tp P@K @ry kata, Malaysia lagi berpotensi tinggi utk sebarkan cahaya 165 sbb tu dia bawak pegi Malaysia dulu. Negara Eropah yg pernah ada training ni is Holland je. Tu pun baru satu training. Tak ingat buat bila, last yr kot. And satu seminar ESQ pernah dibuat kat Oxford. Korang baca la post2 aku sebelum ni, ada sebut pasal ni.

So, that’s about it. Kalau aku ada apa2 yg nak dishare lagi, insyaAllah aku share lagi dalam entry2 lepas ni. Anyways, ni ada Asmaul Husna version ESQ. Maybe korang dah dengar banyak version lain tp bagi aku punye personal preference, aku mmg suke la version ni. Suke ulang banyak2 kali. Harap kita dapat amalkan ok :) Kesimpulannye, ESQ Training mmg sangat best!!

Till then, Salam..




HAPPY 50TH MERDEKA, MALAYSIAAAA!!!!!!! Muah muah!! I love you Malaysia!!

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Of understanding the word 'LIFE'

Owh, it has been a week. I feel like it's just yesterday I last updated this blog. How time flies so fast!! Or perhaps I just had so many things to straighten out. Sometimes I had to skip my lunch or dinner [breakfast tu mmg sah2 la miss!] because I needed to make a dash for KL and putrajaya and God-knows-where. And now I’ve lost 4kgs! Oh well, that’s good for me though. Kalau kat kolej, aku jog/swim everyday pun takde pape perubahan. Hah hah hah..

Anyways, in these two months I’ve been staying at home, I’ve never driven this much especially when I have to make to-ing and fro-ing between KL and Bangi. All this while, I only got the chance to hear to the traffic updates on the radio and feel sorry for those who got trapped in the traffic jam but now, I am one of those unfortunate people!! Sometimes at one point, I prefer to take public transport instead but once I stepped my feet on the train, I regretted over that decision. There are just countless people around and one thing for sure, I really hate crowd. That’s why I’m a no fan of shopping in KLCC or MidValley or wherever you want to name. Well, I’m not complaining anything [am i? Hahah..] but I just hope I could have some time to spend with my old friends before I leave for the UK. Well, I’m meeting some people tomorrow but later in the afternoon I have to go to Jln Ampang to retrieve my visa. And then I need to meet some other people for my mara stuff and bla bla bla.. Ok, enough about that.

I had a meeting with my sponsor just now. Just as I expected, most of the scholars are from KMl3 and it’s good to see my good old friends back. As we chatted and catching up on each other, I just felt a tinge of sadness, thinking about that we’re going on a separate path after this. Too many sentimental value in our friendships that I half-heartedly see them getting more distant day by day, year by year. But that’s just a cycle of life anyway, right?

Anyhow, the good news is, we’re allowed do our internship in the UK before we come back to Malaysia for good. And IF you’re lucky enough to be offered for further studies in MRCPs, then mara would release you so long you get a place and a sponsor. But you still need to pay the 1% though. To come to think of it, I don’t think that’s too much to pay because what really matters once you’ve become a doctor is the next steps that you need to take before you really really settle down as a specialist or whatever. 3 year-bound to the government is just passable, I guess and I hope so. At least you’re secured with a job after your degree. And then you’re free to go wherever you want.

I’ve been thinking about so many things this lately. I mean, I’m going to start a new life after this. A new life as in THE REAL life outside there. It’s not about being away from family. I’d confronted that a couple of years back when I had to live alone in Langkawi with my family being light years away in Manchester. It’s not about adapting to a new environment. I’ve been there twice, so at least I have an idea about how things are going to be over there. It’s not about having unfamiliar people around. I’m going to have some old friends from Langkawi and KYU3M as well so that shouldn’t be a prob. It’s not about being a student who’s weighed down by other people’s expectations. I’ve been in such situation for years and years. Well, maybe to a certain extent is about being a MEDICAL student but I’ve been preparing for that since I was a kid. Of course I should expect things won’t be easy but that’s just life. Nothing is easy.

Somehow, it’s about being independent and deciding things on your own. And it’s not the time for trying new stuff and whatnot, it’s the time to be more serious about how you want to plan your future ahead. You know what, when my mara officer mentioned about a sum of money that they would give before we depart, I felt excited about it. But a few seconds after that I had a sudden strong feeling that the money means thousand of words. Duit rakyat tu memang la. Tu je dah cukup buat rasa bahu ni berat nak memikul but it’s more than that. The money is for your FUTURE.

Now I have to keep in mind that the word ‘future’ means more than what I perceived before. Selama ni macam “oh kena belajar sungguh2 for the future” and all you think is being a mere student. But now, “oh, kene belajar bagi pass. Kalo fail kene bayar balik juta2. And duit monthly allowance tu kene simpan utk dot dot dot..”. Whatever la, travel ke, kawen ke. And ironically, I’ve been thinking about having my own ‘tabung kawen’! Oh well, nothing to be ashamed of, right? Abg H@ik@l just got married to Kak @erin, Disney punye host kat tv3 tu, and people keep on guessing who in the family is going to be next and unfortunately I can’t erase my name off the list!! Like what I’ve said, it’s the time to be serious about life!! You get where I’m heading to right now? Yes? Good. No no, I’m not planning to get married lah!!

At this point, when Along Ima is doing her specialization, I keep on hearing stories about having to pass more and more exams, stories about this specialist and that specialist. They sound sooooooooo fear-provoking that I’ve become more sensitive over that than before. It’s like, “Hellloooo, orang baru nak merangkak start degree and now you’re talking about dreadful things during specialization!!”. Sigh.. And then, semua orang dah kawen and dah ade family and dah ade anak2, rasa mcm, “hmm, bilakah masaku akan tiba?”. Sabar je la kan. I have miles and miles away of trail to run on and I just hope I could be strong enough to face all those predicaments.

Anyways, I’ve just received my new simcard just now [yep, my handphone was stolen] with the same old maxis number. If you text me and I ask “who’s this?”, please don’t be offended because I have no number saved in my phone except for family’s numbers. Ermm.. what else? And oh yea, if you’re going to putrajaya tomorrow for the fireworks competition and you see me busying myself with my camera and pretending as if I do not know anyone in this world, pardon me for that [ceh, bajet org nak carik ko ke dina oi!] because I might not wearing my glasses so tak nampak org sekeliling :p And now, I feel like bursting out crying because I’ve left my camera untouched for three weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~~

Ok2, enough drama. I’m so exhausted so I’d better stop now. Till then.. Salam~

P/S: No new photo posted up because I’ve run out of pictures :( *sadis*

Monday, August 20, 2007

Pier

So I checked my statcounter for the past one week. I’m quite flattered with those of you who’ve been checking on this bloggy every now and then. I’m sorry if you wish to read my twaddle writings and couldn’t find any updates but I’ve got so many things to get done and it’s only now that I have some time to crap. At one point, I just got too many things to spit out but too little time to write. But now, when I’ve found the time, I just got mixed with everything from things from the past to things from the future. I know I promise some specific entries but I really am hard especially at this period of time.

Last week was hectic. The 10th ESQ Training went out just well. It was fun working with those loveable people and I’m not sure if I could ever join them again. Although it has been 6 trainings after I underwent my training last February, I’ve never thought the job that should be done by those ATSes are as tough. It wasn’t tough as in difficult but it just needs your mental and physical strength so that you would be a productive worker. Kalau banyak tido time keje maknenye hampeh la kan and takdela 7 nilai dasar ESQ kan. One thing I like about being an ATS, those people around you keep on reminding you about what we’ve learnt during the training. Like for example, if you want to take a break even for a sec, you would make sure that your work is completely done. And you would feel sorry for yourself if you don’t keep your time right. And you wouldn’t feel ease when you see other people are struggling getting their jobs done because you would have the rush to help. Rasanya dulu time kat kolej kalau organise apa2 event rasa mcm tu jugak tp sbb kali ni buat event internationally kan so lain sikit ar rase.

Then I had my BTN. Well, overall, I think that kind of course is a must especially to todays generation yang dah lupa asal usul. I know it’s a governmental/political propaganda but what they gave info about were kinda true to some extents. Luckily my facilitators were quite open, sporting and were not that extreme so we kinda had very good discussions about most of the issues. And my groupmates were fun. Unfortunately, I had my immunity breakdown from the end of the 2nd day until the final day so I was a bit half-hearted through out the course. I had to take 8 tablets of panadol everyday so that I could join the LDK. Kalau tak memang tak larat ah and I wasn’t intending to come back for another session so I just tried hard to be strong. Alhamdulillah everything was over now.

Then we had a big family dinner yesterday. Everybody was around. They were celebrating my kejayaan mendapat A lurus [errr..] and indirectly bid farewell to Lupi who’s going back to C0rk lusa!!!! Wuawua Lupi nak balik dah.. Those three kiddos dah makin besar. Tak tau nape rase sedih tgk muke kanak2 ribena tu. Rase cam nak nanges. Takut rindu bile dah jauh nnt. Huhu.. Kak Sue is waiting for the due date this 8/9 lepastu angah aya plak 8/10. I’m gonna miss everyone at home :’( Well, the good news is, my cousin, Kak F@r@h and her husband, Abg F@rid are going to Leicester as well!!! Abg F@rid dapat sambung buat PhD kat Leicester so senang ar sket kalo nak mintak tolong pape ke. Huhu..

And tomorrow nak pegi ambik darah pulak. Sabtu lepas dah ambik, tp doc tu tak geti ambik!!! 3 kali tangan aku kene cucuk tp darah tak kluar! Seb baek la aku x takut jarum so tabah je la kan. Last2 diorg ambik darah kat wrist pakai alat nama ‘butterfly’. Alat ni mahal n slalu ambik darah baby je sbb tak sakit and concept die mcm concept drip kat ward tu tp darah aku plak lembap gile nak drip. Huhu.. Last2 x cukup so esok kene ambik lagi. Ape diorg igt tangan aku ni takde reseptor sakit ke! Huhu.. takpela, nak sehat punye pasal kan. Sob2.. Oh just so you know that the doc who took my blood the other day was a specialist. Isn’t it ironic that a specialist didn’t pass to take patient’s blood?? Like OMG!!! Tp x pe arr.. Sabar je laa..

So this week job is to get my accommodation application done and also get my visa done. Oh and there is an international fireworks competition in putrajaya so I’m planning to go for some photoshootings. I’ve left my camera for quite a while!!! I’m sure he’s had a break more than enough! Huhu.. I’m going to Melaka with Mum tomorrow. Hope I could snap good photos over there. So that’s about it I guess. Nothing interesting ey? Heh.. So, till then. Salam~

It's funny how I have changed
It's funny how you have changed
It's funny how things have changed
It's funny when I look back
And see all those memories flying away
Reminiscing how we used to be
It's funny when the thing that I've been dreading all this while
Is happening
And it's actually an ending to a fairytale
A great story is now kept
At the very bottom of the void
And I'm not sure
If it ever been told
AGAIN..

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Look Ahead and Don't Turn Back

Now, how should I start this? Well, I'm actually in a rush. Just got back from Matrade Centre for an ATS meeting. Yep, I was accepted to join the team so I hope I could give my best. The training will be starting tomorrow sampai Ahad. Some of my seniors are coming. Though I know it's not gona be an easy job being an ATS, I'm looking forward to encountering new experience and meeting new acquaintances. After that, on Monday ada BTN pulak. So I won't be around from tomorrow till next Friday. My schedule will be VERY packed and occupied: ESQ Training (must be at the venue by 630 in the morning sampai la lebeyh kurang kol 10 malam for three days) and BTN plak (from Monday afternoon sampai la Friday afternoon). Wow, it's gonna be a busy week! Tadi En.Kh@iz@n call pun tak bleh nak jawab sbb ade meeting. Adehh~ I hope I could benefit something from this. Huhu..

Oh and yea, just got THE EMAIL from college Examination Department petang tadi. Alhamdulillah, results ok and pass untuk fly. Heh.. Tak sempat2 nak melayan perasaan lagi sbb ptg tadi rush nak gi kl. Pastu minggu ni sibuk plak. Kene tunggu next week baru boleh melompat2 kegembiraan kot. Haha.. To all my friends yg cemerlang dengan penuh bergaya [I know you guys won't be reading this pun. Huhu..] many congrats to you guys!! Ingatlah kejayaan tu semuanya milik Allah. Semoga dengan kejayaan tu, mendekatkan lagi diri kita kepadaNya. And to those who didn't get what they hoped for, congrats jugak because you've finally gone through A-level!! But always remember, every cloud has a silver lining. It may seem so cliche but that's the truth you can't feel a resentment against.

So, till then!~ Salam..

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Morning Surprises

I slept at 220 last night, getting something done. I usually take a nap after subuh especially if I sleep late. But as I golek-golek-ed on the bed this morning, an sms came in:

Salam! Boleh tak email kepada saya result A-Level kepada saya sebaik sahaja u semak di internet pada 9hb Ogos.

Hmmm.. Tiba2 aku teringat meeting aku dengan En.Kh@iz@n haritu pasal results sume ni. Setelah mencari kecuakan yang patut aku rasa sejak kebelakangan ni, barula aku dapat rasakan sikit kecuakan. Atas katil tadi, tibe2 macam baru kembali ke alam realiti, "Eh, ha'ah la, esok kluar result!!". Terus tak dpt tido, terus turun bawah, terus breakfast makan lempeng mum buat. Heh..

Pastu on kan computer, check email sume, tibe2 dapat comment from someone kat Flickr. Terharruuuu sangaaatt!!! And that really makes this morning a better day to start off. He calls my photo a favourite!!! Ok fine, mungkin aku je kot yang over react but this is something big for a desperate beginner photographer like me. Hah hah hah.. Hilang cuak terus. Keskes..


I have a tip for any of you yang tak dapat nak menampung perasaan cuak sbb result nak kluar esok: Banyak2 baca/dengar Asmaul Husna. Mmg sangat berkesan :) So, that's about it. Have a nice day people!

Monday, August 06, 2007

M0C

Last Thursday, I was asked to go to HUKM for some matters on last Friday. I was a bit reluctant to go sbb ada M0C at the same day but I was not able to decline so I texted @km@l to withdraw myself from the list. Tapi atas rasa kasih dari Allah, I was one of the chosen people to join my friends and be at ILD@$ for the 3-day camp. So I went to that place a little bit later with some of other friends. Alhamdulillah, after four months preparing for the camp, finally the M0C (Mu$lim 0ver$e@$ C@mp) has come to its end. Although I was one of the people in the committee, I don’t think I had given that much to the whole event. It was not that easy looking for sponsors and all especially when you don't have any experience in it, but everything wouldn’t be possible without priceless helps from the seniors who had donated RM 4k+ for the camp. They really lent so many hands and as the person who was supposed to korek lubang carik duit, I’m so thankful and appreciate their concerns and thoughtfulness.

Anyways, to be honest, the camp didn’t really reach up to my expectation. I’ve been thinking and wondering why is it so. Maybe because I’ve attended some almost alike events and camps that I anticipated M0C to be something different. Or perhaps because I’ve attended ESQ that I tend to compare the goods and the snags of both. When I say ‘doesn’t reach up to my expectation’, please don’t jump to a conclusion that it was a wasteful event because what I was looking ahead to doesn’t cover every aspect of things that I should know. So in the end, M0C has given me so much be it physically [yes, my legs are aching now sbb main basnetball. Adehh lame gile tak besukan!], emotionally, academically and of course, spiritually.

I really wanted to share as much as possible in here with the rest of my friends albeit I know some of you might have gone or will be going to any of those pre-departure programmes organised by other committees. But sharing something that you treasure is way much better than hoping for and depending on other people to tell you things that you don’t know. Walaupun M0C tidak begitu mendapat sambutan yang hangat [daripada 140+ muslims in college in my batch, cuma 69 *lawa la pulak no ni!* je join] tapi dengan sambutan hangat and support from seniors, everything went out very well. Thus, it has been my responsibility to tell to at least a small part of the rest of 70+ people [aku tau diorang takkan baca blog ni. Huhu..] about what M0C was really all about.

Just akin to previous M0Cs, our special invited speaker was ustad H@$riz@l and ustad memang dah jadik penceramah fav for most of us [especially to those who read his blog] and indeed, ustad mmg bagi input yang SANGAT banyak. Tapi mungkin cara penyampaian aku ni agak berterabur n confusing sket sbb aku pun tgh ngantok gile ni so mamai2 sket ar. Heh.. And I won’t go in depth for every talk sbb terlalu banyak so I just share what really struck my thought and what made me have a deep judgment about. I'm sorry if this seems draggy and kills your time to the max and pardon me for my disorganized usage of words yep ;)

The first talk was about ‘Me, Myself And I’. Perkara yang paling aku suka dalam bab ni ialah bila kita nak kenal diri sendiri because that is a part of what I learnt in ESQ Training. To let us continue with this journey called ‘life’, we must first know, who is the character and the personality that will lead your life for the rest of the years. And that of course is none other than yourself. For what we go through everyday, it is actually ourselves that have the control over what we want to feel, what we want to think and what we want to do. Samada kita nak sedih or nak gembira, it all depends on ourselves. Benda ni aku dah dengar dari dulu lagi tp aku tak berapa faham apa maksud disebaliknya sbb mestila ada sebab kenapa kita sedih kan? And mana ada orang yang suka sedih kan? So supposedly, benda yang buat kita sedih tu la yang bertanggungjawab dgn apa yang kita rasa kan? So takleh ar nak salahkan diri sendiri kalau sedih kan? Dah memang sedih, nak buat mcm mana kan?

But actually, it doesn’t work that way. In ESQ Training, that is what we call as Emotional Quotient. Well, I won’t give the true insights of EQ sebab mmg sgt susah nak explain [p@k @ry terror la. Heh..] tp mmg sebenar2nya, we have the hidden ability to control our emotions. I’ve tried it so many times and masa tgh nak control emosi tu, sempat fikir lagi “Eh cop cop, aku rasa aku nak rasa mcm ni laa” because our conscious mind mmg boleh buat such calculation [not mathematically, of course!] and it is really ourselves yang decide which emotion to be switched on. P@k @ry ajar, Emotions are only divided into two groups: Dislikes and Likes. And if we choose to be sad or angry or ruthless, then we’ve chosen to feel the dislikes and vice versa. It doesn’t come naturally of course, but we have to first know the concept of it and we must try. Keghairahan tu perlu dicari dan tak boleh ditunggu.

51:21 As also in your own selves: Will ye not then see?

And after we know ourselves, we will come to our strengths and weaknesses. Tuhan jadikkan semua manusia ni tak perfect sbb ada hikmahnya. When we have weaknesses, then we know where we actually stand. With our flaws, we have reasons to be connected to Allah and with the strengths that also comes from Allah, we have to give back to other people and society. When we know our capabilities and our limitations, then we know how to put ourselves in the community. Since all of the participants will be going insyaAllah to the UK, so we were told how those people react when they know that we are muslims. So we have to be wise in order for them to really perceive the true meaning of being a muslim. Tapi tak senang and memang kena banyak belajar la.

Then we talked about “A Practical Understanding of Islamic Fiqh in Foreign Land”. Basically Ustad explained a bit about the difference of Mazhabs and how to comprehend and apply hukum in solat, puasa, thaharah (bersuci), isu hali kitab, pemakanan n perkahwinan bila kat overseas nnt. Talk ni yang paling banyak bagi aku input baru and baru aku nampak dengan jelas betapa terlalu sedikit ilmu aku dalam bab feqah ni. Tapi takpela, kena la belajar sikit2 kan. These are a few reference books that ustad has recommended:

i) Kitab Fiqah Mazhab Syafie (Al-Fiqh Al-Manhaji) terbitan Pustaka Salam (ustad kata, kalau boleh, walaupun tak tahu pasal Mazhab2 lain, upgrade la sikit ilmu pasal Mazhab yang kita dah pegang selama ni so that we know what we’re actually practising as a muslim all this while)
ii) Fiqh Al-Sunnah
iii) Ayyuhal Walad (Wahai Anakku)- karangan Imam Al-Ghazali
iv) Pelik atau Benar dalam Solat – terbitan Telaga Biru.

Ustad kata, sebelum Rasulullah buat qiamullail, Rasulullah akan lihat langit untuk timbulkan rasa kehambaan. Insaf la jugak dengar. Kalau Rasulullah pun mencari-cari rasa kehambaan, kita ni lupa terus yang kita sebenarnya hamba Allah kan. Hmm..

3:190 Behold! in the creation of the heavens and the earth, and the alternation of night and day,- there are indeed Signs for men of understanding.

3:191 Men who celebrate the praises of Allah, standing, sitting, and lying down on their sides, and contemplate the (wonders of) creation in the heavens and the earth, (With the thought): "Our Lord! not for naught Hast Thou created (all) this! Glory to Thee! Give us salvation from the penalty of the Fire.

Ayat ni yang menunjukkan bagaimana Rasulullah timbulkan rasa kehambaan tu. And apa yang buat aku lagi rasa sentimental bila baca ayat ni, P@k @ry SELALU SANGAT bacakan ayat ni masa ESQ Training. Ulang dan ulang dan ulang banyak kali. Buat aku terasa kerdil sbb aku selalu tertanya2, adakah aku tergolong dalam golongan Ulul Albab itu??

Next, we talked about “Bridging The Civilisation”. Talk ni yang paling best skali sebab ustad carita pasal history. Mmg best la. Ustad taught us how to counter questions asked by non-muslims about Islam. All this while, I’ve been asking myself about this because with a limited knowledge about Islam [I know, it’s a shame of me] I’ve never had any idea how to deal with such situation. Tapi lepas ustad dah terang2 kan sikit, baru la dapat a slight draft and guidance utk handle keadaan mcm ni. Kalau the Nons tanya pasal persefahaman i.e diorang nak tau kenapa kita solat, kenapa kita puasa etc, we have to tell them about the similarities between Islam and other religions. Christians pray and fast thus, so do us. If they ask about ‘kebenaran’ i.e pasal kenabian, ketuhanan etc, we have to say the differences instead. Bab ni yang kena belajar lebih sikit la sbb melibatkan aqidah and kepercayaan so susah sket la.

Ada satu benda yang ustad utarakan masa talk ni yang aku tak pernah come across selama ni and buat aku terfikir dengan sangat mendalam. The Historians believe that before Adam was created, there was another cycle of “Adam”. Diorang percaya, dulu pernah ada umat manusia yang ada nabi dan rasul dan telahpun kiamat n dihisab oleh Allah sebelum Allah ciptakan Nabi Adam dan keturunannya sampai la kita semua ni. Sebab tu la dalam Surah Al-Baqarah, malaikat tanya kenapa Allah nak ciptakan makhluk yang akan hanya membawa kebinasaan sedangkan Adam belum pun tercipta. Sebab tu dalam agama hindu, they believe in ‘reincarnation’ where a dead person's spirit from the ‘previous world’ returns to life in ‘today’s world’.
2:30 Behold, thy Lord said to the angels: "I will create a vicegerent on earth." They said: "Wilt Thou place therein one who will make mischief therein and shed blood?- whilst we do celebrate Thy praises and glorify Thy holy (name)?" He said: "I know what ye know not."

But what Sh@t said was also true to some extents. She said, perhaps the former “Adam” and his people were creatures without ‘akal’ so they went against each other [war and whatnots] bluntly and bayed for blood. So it’s not fair to say that there’s a connection between us and those creatures in the former existence, if there’s any. That’s why Syaitan tanak sujud kat Nabi Adam sebab Syaitan rasa keturunan Adam sebelum tu menunjukkan yang Syaitan tu lagi tinggi darjatnye. Something like that la. But the whole concept of “Adam” has still not been unearthed yet so we ‘re not really sure how things actually were because indeed, Allah knows what we don’t.

And lastly, before I end this entry, there was one final issue that we discussed, which I have already attended to during ESQ Training. The first time human being got into the space, they were really awed with how our universe could be very extensive. They felt for once of being so small and they thought, Who is behind all this? Sebab tu Einstein pun tak terjawab dengan persoalan ‘There must be an absolute point where everything starts from’. If the earth goes around the Sun in its orbit, so does the Sun going around the universe, so do the electrons going around the neutron and so do other things in this world. But what is the centre of EVERYTHING in this existence? And the answer is Allah Almighty. Imagine if the Earth and the Sun and the electrons are not in their orbits under the Law of Nature, what would happen? Segala2nya akan musnah, hancur dan kemusnahan tu tak dapat kita bayangkan. Sebab tu dalam kehidupan sebagai manusia, kalau kita keluar dari orbit sebagai seorang hamba Allah, kita pun akan hancur lebur.

So that’s basically about it. Mudah-mudahan dengan sedikit ilmu ni, kita dapat belajar sama2 utk cari ilmu and dapat meningkatkan keimanan kita kepada Allah. InsyaAllah, results A-Level akan keluar khamis ni. Doakan kejayaan kitorang :) and InsyaAllah kalau diberi peluang oleh Allah, aku akan pegi ESQ Training ke 10 ni [10-12 Aug] kat Matrade Centre Jalan Duta KL as an ATS. Harap2nya harapan besar sebelum aku fly [InsyaAllah] akan tercapai!! Hekyah!~

Wallahu'alam.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Close Your Eyes and Get Down to You Heart

“Kenapa impian itu bukan seindah angan-angan? Kenapa kehidupan tidak semudah perancangan? Kenapa kebenaran itu kadangkala pahit? Wahai hati, itulah kehidupan. Sesaat manis akan melupakan setahun pahit. Setahun pahit akan hargai sesaatnya manis. Hidup manis tanpa pahit membuat kita lupa siapa kita. Hidup pahit tanpa manis menjadikan kita lebih cekal dan pandai menghargai.

Wahai hati, bersabarlah, bersabarlah dan bersabarlah. Jika hari ini langit itu cerah, belum tentu cuacanya baik. Jika hari ini langit itu hujan, belum tentu cuacanya buruk. Wahai diri, simpanlah anganmu, jejaklah di bumi nyata. Lihat sekitarmu, hargai apa yg dimiliki. Cubalah menghargai walaupun tidak dihargai.

Wahai minda, jernihkan dirimu. Ungkaikan segala kekusutan, hilangkan kabut keraguan. Bertindaklah secara berhikmah. Ingatlah, sekali gagal bukan selamanya gagal. Bersabarlah, bersabarlah dan bersabarlah. Ingatlah. Di sebalik awan mendung itu tersembunyi sinar mentari yang terang, Pahit itu cabaran tetapi yang manis itu belum tentu kurniaan. wallahualam...”

I took this from iluvi$l@m.c0m. Ayat2 die sangat simple and mudah difahami tapi disebalik kata2 tu, aku dapat rasekan sesuatu yang sangat sangat bermakna. Hidup aku baru je 2 dekad, terlalu sedikit kesusahan yang dah mengajar aku erti kehidupan. Masih terlalu jauh untuk aku pergi. Tapi dalam masa 2 dekad ni la aku belajar banyak benda. Kebanyakan dugaan yang aku hadapi adalah saat2 aku jadi seorang pelajar. Samada aku berjaya atau gagal. Dulu, bagi aku, berjaya adalah segala2nya and once I fail then that’s it. It’s the end of the world. But it doesn’t actually work that way. Pemahaman macam tu tandanya aku sudah gagal sama sekali.

Be willing to fail more. One of the great things about being willing to try new things and make mistakes is that making mistakes keeps you humble. People who are humble learn more than people who are ignorant.
What is stupid is to pretend you are smart. When you pretend to be smart, you are at the height of stupidity.
It is their fear of failing that causes them to fail. It is their need to be perfect that causes them to be imperfect. It is their fear of looking bad that causes them to ultimately feel badly about themselves.
People who avoid failing also avoid success. Failing is an integral part of success.
We all feel frightened, uncertain and doubtful at times. That is part of being human. When I feel that way, the first thing I do is check my thought. If I feel bad or afraid, I know I’m saying or thinking something to cause myself to feel that way.
These are some quotes that I wrote in my diary. Yes, I do have diary, the one I possess since 2003. They are taken from my favourite author, Robert T. Kiyosaki who wrote the famous book, Rich Dad Poor Dad. The book is mainly about how to be a successful (rich) person in life. Reading this book had brought me to post this entry. It really shows how I was too obsessed with the word ‘success’ back then. But Abg Amir’s comment has opened my eyes towards the real meaning of life and as I went through those years, I learnt that life is far more than just being successful.

Talking about this, there’s only one beliefs that I have a sturdy grip on that keeps me strong to walk on this road called ‘life’. The Fairness of The God Almighty. The more I believe in it, the more confident I’ll be. There’s nothing in this world can get into your way and destroy the path that you’ve been tracing all this while. Of course it doesn’t always work easily but that’s the thrill because you know that everything you do has no more than ONE BIG REASON. Itulah yang dikatakan dengan tujuan hidup hanya kerana Allah.

The first and the second quote are exactly what I learnt during ESQ Training [mmg banyak nak ckp pasal esq tapi tak cakap2 lagi. Adehh..]. You won’t perceive them unless you really encounter the exact situation of being a failure. Bukan la nak suruh aim supaya sentiasa gagal dalam hidup tapi nak buang perasaan takut untuk gagal tu. It’s not simple, I know but that’s what people call an unending lesson.

And another reason why I took those beautiful words from iluvi$l@m.c0m is because of a friend, whom I only got to know only for a short period of time but he’s changed my perspective about life all together. And makes me feel so thankful and bersyukur with everything and everyone I have. I’ve known him for two years now, yes, since in college but I have never had a chance to know him personally. I don’t know how hard his time has been but from what he told me about his family and life as a son, as a friend and as a brother, I know he’s gone through a lot of difficulties. And the responsibilities that have been weighing him down makes him a simple guy but with a very mature and noble heart inside. All this while I only see him from afar. Never in a million year have I thought that he is actually someone different from whom I think he is. But knowing that he has such a beautiful personality makes me believe that a true appearance can be more pleasant than the reality.

So to all my friends who’ll be getting their results soon, all the best and whatever you get is the best that you can hold and He indeed knows best than you yourself :)

It's a state of bliss, you think you're dreaming
It's the happiness inside that you're feeling
It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry