Let Allah decide

I sat staring out of the window as if in trance. My laptop laid idly on the desk; waiting for my attention. I missed someone. The chat we had before sounded as if it was the last time we had before he fly off to UK this september. 'Let it be' I said to myself. The creaky hinge of the door brought me round. 'Oi, berangan!' anid's voice broke the silence air. I threw my face onto the monitor. 'Takde ah..tengah buat econs assignment' I tried to change the mood. Anid jumped onto the bed, trying to strike up an interesting conversation with me.

'Dina, ko suka tak nama adam?' she asked me. I smiled to myself 'Suka'. 'Apsal ko tanye?' I replied. 'Nanti aku nak namekan nama anak aku adam ah' her laughter unlocked my happy mode. 'Aku pun laa. Haha..' and the conversation carried on till midnight.

And then just now, I stumbled upon this blogsite. It touched my sensitive heart, made me feel like crying. I could feel the lost. I could feel the sorrow. It made me think that every people that we love might not be beside us all the time. Some might go first because Allah loves them more. It made me call to mind what he said the other day 'Berserah sajalah kepada Allah. Allah Maha Mengetahui dan Dia tahu apa yang terbaik untuk kita. Kalau Allah tak kabulkan apa yg kita mahu, redha sahajalah dengan ketentuanNya. InsyaAllah Dia kabulkan doa kita pada waktu lain dgn sesuatu yg lebih baik atau dengan cara yang lebih baik. InsyaAllah..'

Before the eyes close

While I’m typing this, the clock shows at 3. My eyes actually command a rest but the temptation of getting a new template seems quite overwhelming. Heh.. I like the header. That’s the only reason why I change everything though ;p

I had reached home several days ago. I would have wanted to post about the triumph of the ICAN but still waiting for Imran for the pictures and videos. You should see the pictures, I tell ya. Kewl gile! Heh.. The best part of all is, it was said to be outstanding and stupendous *clap clap* but yea, everything would not turn out so without each and every person involved so I really2 thankful for having such helpful, cooperative and supportive colleagues. And not to forget the devoted and committed mr. director and the co-directors. Now, I started to appreciate each and every single tick we spent together to make ICAN a success. Kinda miss the moments though :)

Anyways, there has been a rising crescendo of excitement in the family lately. Nazme has finally got a little sister :)))))) Cumel sangat macam Mak Na!! Haha.. Along Ima has been admitted to hospital since a couple of days ago and alhamdulillah, the operation went out well. Well, starting out, she had stage four placenta privera (low lying placenta which blocks the way out of the baby) so no choice she had, caesarean was the only option. And the due date is supposedly to be next week but since the contraction had started to rev up, the gynaecologist suggested to carry out the operation as soon as possible to avoid excess bleeding and alhamdulillah everything is ok now. The baby is doing fine as well. She’ll be discharged tomorrow noon.

That is all for now I guess. Ngantuk gelaa.. Heh.. Till then. Happy Chinese New Year to all Chinese out there. Have a nice holidays :)

For Once..

For once, I want to believe that there is still a glimmer of hope.
For once, I want to believe that there is something waiting for us ahead.
For once, I want to believe that distance and silence are the key of everything.
For once, I want to believe that your laughter beautifies my day.
For once, I want to believe that your smiles are only meant for me, to keep my heart alive.
For once, I want to believe that we are meant for each other.
For once, I want to believe that our paths lead to the same destiny.
For once, I want to believe that every effort you have put in our friendship is what you enjoy doing the most.
For once, I want to believe that you are the source of the solid strength within me.
For once, I want to believe that you are the miracle that God has sent to me.
For once, I want to believe that you are the person I treasure the most.
For once, I want to believe that knowing you revive my sleeping devotion.
For once, I want to believe that you are my best friend whose spirit never dies.
For once, I want to believe that our friendship goes strong until the end.
For once, I want to believe that you are the one who will give me your hand that I may grasp it and keep my feet from stumbling.
For once, I want to believe that you are the most valuable thing ever happened to me.
For once, I want to believe that The Almighty God hears my voice, my prayers when I asked Him to send me a friend who will help and guide me through out this life; and it is you.
For once, I want to believe that this farewell is the beginning of everything.
For once, I want to believe that no matter how hard and tough my life would be without you, I will always sense your presence beside.
For once, I want to believe that we will meet again, after a lapse of years.
For once, I want to believe that you are the one.
For once, I want to believe everything.

But I can’t. It’s just UNBELIEVEABLE.
It is now the time for you to go.
And the time for me to find my bearings.
May the road rise up to meet you
May the wind be ever at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face
And the rain fall softly on your fields.
And until we meet again, may God holds you in the hollow of His hand.
You will always be a part of me.
Thank you for everything.

Love you always,
Dina :)

Luahan Perasaan I

Siapa kata dina tak jiwang? Dina boleh jugak jiwang pe. Hebat gak ;p Actually, emosi sekarang tengah sangat tak stabil. Not just because of ican, but because of every single thing and every single one. Nak ber'speakong' pun takde mood ah. Nak jiwang elok gune bahse melayu ;p

Alhamdulillah, everything went out well. tomorrow would be the last day of ican. The female co-director had just gone back home just now due to some appointments she has to make tomorrow so she indirectly put her trust in me and some other ican high-comm to make sure the closing ceremony tomorrow will go smooth. Personally, aku rase sangat sedih sebab ican dah nak habis. After putting so much effort in it since a couple of months before, now it's approaching its end. Kalau nak luahkan perasaan pasal ican memang mengambil masa yang agak panjang so why don't we keep it for another entry later on ok?

Ok, so here comes the story. Malam ni dah masuk 5hari aku tido lambat gile. One whole day memang sangat pack. Be it for ican or for studies, memang sangat bz. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to complain or anything, just want to create the idea. So, logically memang sangat penat dah letih. So tadi ada Lailatunnisa' and mmg dah lelong gile babeng ah kat dewan tadi. Ceremony ended around 1115pm so mesti la lepas tu nak kene kemas dewan and uruskan itu ini. My brain was at its slowest pace and mmg dah takde mood gile. Tapi sebab pikir pasal tanggungjawab and amanah yg orang bagi so tak boleh la nak buat bodo and terus balik.

Tengah kemas2 tu, my friend gave me a buzz, asking me to bring along some stuff she left in the hall and I said no problem, I'll bring them back. And then teruskan kemas, tiba2 ade this one lady datang 'Dina, I'm in a hurry. Esok aku ade test. Satu ape pun tak bace. Aku balik dulu ok?' I was like 'Hellllllllllllloooo!! Aku ade test gak wei!' tapi tak la, dalam penat2 and takde mood tu, aku cuba jugak lemparkan senyuman. 'It's ok. Aku boleh tolong kemaskan nanti.' And so she left me.....V.E.R.Y. D.I.S.A.P.P.O.I.N.T.E.D. Why? Because she's one of the high-comm jugak but she just left everything to other people. Seriously, kalau tak dina seorang yg tabah (nak naikkan semangat balik ni! Hahahahaha) memang dah lame nangis. Tapi tak la, tak macho la nangis ;p

Lepastu kemas la dewan. Yang lain2 tolong jugak la so it was not such a hussle sangat la. Dah habis kemas2 tu, balik ah, dalam kepenatan, kerisauan sebab esok ada maths test (yet I'm still typing this! Shoot me!), kengantukan yg teramat sangat, berduka lara, kecewa dan sebagainya. Dah ar dewan ngan chalet aku mcm 10batu jalan. Ok, I'm exaggerating tapi mmg sangat penat la. Dah ar mmg lemah longlai gile. Dah sampai chalet, siap tukar baju semua (time tu around 12malam gak ar) tiba2, 'Alamak, lupe nak bawak balik barang!! (the one that my friend asked me to bring back). Shite!!'. So tukar la baju balik and sanggup jugak ar nak jalan balik pegi dewan. Tiba2 teringat kat dewan tu ada beberapa kawan lain so suruh diorang bawakkan balik je la.

10mins after that, kawan yg ada kat dewan tu call. 'Dina! Sorry sangat2. Aku telupa nak bawak balik! Aku dah sampai chalet ni!' Tak tahu apsal tapi rase frustrated gile time tu. Kalau ikutkan hati mmg aku sanggup pegi dewan and ambik barang tu. Tapi dah pukul 12lebih kot. So dengan perasaan yang sungguh kecewa dan bersalah, aku sms member yg tetinggal barang tu. Tak berani nak call sebab rasa bersalah gile. Tak tahu ar kenape tapi memang sangat frust ah. Dah ar memang tengah disappointed dengan the lady yang sungguh rajin tu. Time tu mmg down gile. Maybe sebab letih kot. So nak tenangkan hati, pegi la ambik wudhu'. Memang tak solat Isyak lagi pun sebab tak sempat, majlis start lepas maghrib. Time tu memang rase cam nak nangis gile. Rase mcm...'Aargh! Tensyennye..!' tapi time solat takde la mengamuk sorang2 kan. Heh.. Tiba2...

Ade orang ketuk pintu chalet. 'Dina! Your barang ada kat sini! I left it here ok!' Time tu tengah solat, rasa sayu gile sebab Allah macam memahami perasaan aku yang memang nak pegi ambik barang tu tapi tak kesampaian. Allah je la tahu betapa aku memang ikhlas and sanggup buat ape je utk ambik barang tu. Lepas solat tu rase relief gile. Tiba2 terasa macam semangat balik and terus tak ngantuk. Sebab tu boleh tulis bende merepek ni lagi. Haha.. Actually nak cakap jugak ar pasal 'benda2' ni tapi next time la kot.

So kesimpulannye, kalau kita nak buat sesuatu ikhlas kerana Allah, insyaAllah Allah akan tolong kita balik. Cukupla kalau kita percaya tu, insyaAllah semua urusan kita dipermudahkan. Hmm..tu je kot. Dah nak dekat kol 1 ni. Better sign off. Wish me luck for the test tomorrow. Akum!

the non sequitur

Well, it definitely does i.e. like right now. Hmm...

A Melancholia

'Dina, ko baru bangun tido eh? Aku ada berita sedih'
'Hmm.. *husky voice* ape?'
'Aku baru beli handphone.....'
'Hmm....'
'Tanak tanye brape ke?'
'Hmmm..brapa?'
'Boleh la tahan..'
'Hmm... (tahpapentah suruh org tanye brapa pastu jawab mcm tu)'
'Tau tak model ape?'
'Tak'
'Yang hari tu tu'
'Hmm..'
'Ermm...harga dia rmXXXX tapi kalau nak register bla bla bla jadik bla bla..'
'Hmm.. *heartless*'
'Errmm..tu je laa..'
'Ok'

Hung up phone. Kesian anid sebab tak mendapat respond yg memuaskan drpd dina. Haha.. sorry ye dik, takde mood time tu. Heh.. Then I said to myself 'Wouldn't it be worthless to spend such amount of money for something like that? I mean, she's just 15 and still sekolah, bukannya penting.' But yea, it's Dad's money anyway albeit it may sound quite unfair to me. Tak heran, my notebook is worth about more ;p

Hari ni dina sangat tak bermaya. Dan juga sangat moody. pms kot. Heh.. Results chem hari tu baru dpt td. insyaAllah qualified kot nak sit for June entry. Tapi kan...hari tu jumpa sinwee and batu (current sports excos) diorang kata diorang ambik AS november. tiba2 rase cam discouraged la pulak. Sigh. Miss Aizan and Mr.Azman pulak dah start nak rev up the momentum. Risau + tertekan + pening pale + ape lagi? Memang la tak elok stress2 ni tp normal la kot kan.

Petang tadi tidor gile lame. Heh..normal la kot. Fira ajak main basket pkol 5. Ehem.. kate nak jadik sports exco, kene ah meng-poyokan diri ;p tapi bangun tido pkol 530 (takyah la tanye start tido kol bape.Heh..) lepas solat baru turun. Ingatkan ramai, tengok ade 3 org je. Semua topaz lak tu. Diamond terkapai sorg2. Heh.. Pastu malam tadi mcm biasa tolong budak2 exhibition for ICAN and tolong budak2 deco buat preparation for closing ceremony. Berazam sejak petang tadi nak tidur awal malam ni sebab esok nak bangun pagi revise maths (ade test hr rabu) tapi...eheh..biasa la, susah sket kalau dah monitor terpampang. temptation tu agak sukar utk dielakkan. Heh..

Macam biasa la, time moody2 and emo2 ni la surf internet and check out recent pictures in flickr.explore (Trime kaseh kat uncle saiful sebab die menyelamatkan dina drpd kebosanan dan ketensyenan untuk melayan kerenah internet explorer. Maka dengan itu, gune la Mozilla Firefox. Yes, I'm the last person to use this browser, I know :| ). Rase nak nangis je sebab tgk gambar2 tu sangat lawa dan cantik. Before tu ade jugak test2 nak gune photoshop. Belajar through tutorial page la tapi hampeh tak faham satu pon. Makin tensyen ade la. Heh.. give up tak giveup, last2 tutup terus photoshop. Pasrah.. Tapi lepas tgk gmbr2 flickr tu gembira semula la :))))

Tiba2...... 'mana best eh. jadik doktor ke jadik photographer?' haha..susah ar bile dah terpikir bende2 camtu sebab nnt dina jadik malas nak blajar pastu duk depan com je blaja bende2 merepek lain. Haha.. [note to anid: Shhhhhh!!jgn bgtau mum ngan dad ;p] i just let the question flew away. Kadang2 ade jugak terasa nak belajar jadik photographer. Belajar betul2 la pegi kelas and all. Tapi mahal la kot kan. Any idea? Heh..dina desperate ni!!! Hahaha..

Hari tu m0mad bagitau 'Dina, hr tu aku try search 'm0mad' pastu nampak blog ko. Ape lagi, bace laa.' Hmm..ye la. Dah agak dah. Agak2nye trend zaman sekarang kot main search2 name ni. Leceh ar! Tak kesah pun senornye. Heh..

Hari tu ICAN punye opening sangat gempak. Actually time Mr. Small nak officiate tu simple je. sampai Mr. Small tanye adam 'That's it?' Haha.. Last year dia kena buat puzzle sampai pening pale. Agaknye before die nak officiate tu die dah buat puzzle byk2 kot last2 simple je bende tu, tensyen je dia. Haha..Tapi video presentation gempak gile!! Tabik spring ah kat Imran. Maka ada la muka dina yg comel kat situ. Hoho.. Kalau rajin nnt orang put up la kat blog. Memang best :p

Ade ape2 lagi? Hrmm.. Sekarang ni tengah lelong taktahu nak buat apa time Manifesto. Boleh je nak buat gempak2 (takde idea pon actually. Haha..) tapi takut menang pulak. Poyo, I know ;p Maka dengan itu, dina nak tido la. Dah mabuk dah ni. Nway, I've stumbled upon this nifty piece of work. And a very nice and beautiful words :)
No matter what I do...I always forget to forget you. And will always do :)

iCan, weCan, Malaysia oso can wut?

The tense is rising up. Never in my life have I ever thought things would be this hard. My stomach had been churning from the very early in the morning while the brain was still contemplating and dithering over whether to go for the ‘running’ and that was not quite a pleasant feeling.

Back then in Langkawi, the feelings were not this bad. The situation I used to be in was nothing about revealing your inner strength and your utmost ability to people around you. Well, it was not really so actually since you really need to put your all-out effort for it but things were way much better than things are now where everything is changing drastically.

It’s not about the fear of losing the game (nothing is such. I’d gone through this in Langkawi and it actually made me even stronger) or the trepidation of going through those challenging obstacles but it is about the apprehension of losing your self-belief and confidence within you especially when you do not know what is waiting ahead and you really need them to back you up and keep you on track whenever failure crosses your path.

To tell you the truth, it’s not easy to create such thought and pretend that everything is going to be ok. Not if you really have the strong assurance within yourself and for a fact; I’m still looking for it in me. However, it is now too late to turn back the time and I’ve already in the list of the SC-to-be so all I can do is strive my best and as ever, experience and learn new things. I’m not that desperate to win. I don’t mind if I lose (I could have felt relieved if it happened that way. Hah hah..) but since I’m already smack bang on the road, why should I stop the track, right? So just wait and see as God knows the best for everyone.

Anyways, as a digression, ICAN is approaching and it’s just around the corner. The opening ceremony will be held tomorrow during the assembly and the whole event will be taking place next week, starting from Monday to Wednesday. Needless to say I’m going back home for CNY on the very next day. YAAYYYYYYYYY!! Can’t wait!! Hehe.. But yea, ICAN is no joke. Really need to make sure everything is going to go as planned and hopefully everything will work out great, InsyaAllah. Do pray for us yah! I will take pictures if I know where to steal a camera (hehe..no lar, not a ‘gempak2’ one laa). Cuak gileeeeeeeeeee!! Haha..

My my. It’s already 2. I really need to sign off. Need to cover and compensate my sleeping hour. Seriously. I’ve been daydreaming in class lately (Mr. Conquest asked me what I know about ‘money’ during econs class and I was like ‘Huh? Money? What on earth is money all about?’ Heh..No lar, buat muka poyo je la pastu sir tanye org lain. Heh.. Ngantok tak bleh blah bak kate ade-la-org-tu. Heh.. So till then guys. Have a nice weekend ahead. Cheerio!~ Don’t stress yourself out yea :)

P/S: To all KYU3Mians out there, do vote for RUSHD1NA SOF1A. The first female Sports Exco ever exists on this ever such verdant upland ;p

Granted Wish

You want to see a magic? Here..Let me show you some.

I can turn these..

..into these!!

You see, they just look like so easy to be constructed but to tell you the truth; they aren’t quite easy to get done. Penat doh buat tu nak bagi siap. Haha.. And yet, I still manage to build them tough. Hoho..

You're not satisfied? Want more magic? Ok ok..

Let see…

How about this.. *ADACADABRA~*

Poofff~ Tadaaaa!!

Haha.. See, some people have granted my wish! Heh.. Thanx Mum and Dad :) Don’t worry, Pi. It’s not a Toshiba like yours. And neither is it Vaio so expect the smallest figure you could think of. Heh.. But.. The good part is, I can use internet in my own room! Siape encik Gonn? Thanx for the wireless connection. Heh..

What? Still not satisfied enough? Ok ok.. I give up. You might want to see this man. He’s somewhere on the globe. Good Luck then ;p

DRAT!

Wake up. Early. At least early than usual.

It’s 8. Switch on the comp. Need to do some revision on chem.. Put a chem. book beside.

Go downstairs to take my bath.

10mins..done.

Dad’s using the comp. Fine.

I’ll just burn off my ass, sitting on the floor in my room while suffering from the electrons beam emitted from the monitor that makes my eyes squint.

Wind up chem. assignments.

For a mo, I’m hit by a thought. I want to buy a new laptop.

Or rather, I should ask dad for one :)

And that new one is on its way. Yeay!

Puff. puff..

Focus, dina. Focus. Your exam is just around the corner.

Fine. Continue scribbling answers on paper.

Dad’s calling my name. “Dina, nak guna comp. tak?”

“Ye ye..kejap!” Grab 2 chem. books.

Get online. Check e-mail. No new ones.

Review my bookmark list. Long. Too long. Manage bookmark list.

Come across to the ever so existing url. Nice. Get into it as ‘no referring link’. See, I can do it too ;)

Have I ever entered to this one before? Familiar but can’t remember.

Hah.. 49 comments! Should be a nice one.

Click on the ‘comments’ link. Hmm… Seems cool.

Click on ‘CPMS’ (it’s an abbreviation. don’t bother to find it out. you will if you’re smart enough ;p)

Nice blog. Next. ‘Bookmark this page’

Nice too! I like it! ‘Bookmark this page’. Next.

‘Bookmark this page’. Haih.. I’m gripped and soaked up! Dammit!

Catch a fleeting glimpse of the clock. It’s 10!!! Shite!

Ok ok. Last blog. Last blog. Will not take any longer.

And now..It’s already 10.30 and my assignment does never seem reduced. Shoot.

Today is Saturday. Tomorrow is a day of Sunday. And the day after tomorrow is a disaster. DRAT!

Told ya people.

Dina.is.stressed.out.

joyeux anniversaire, la mère

“It was the last ray of twilight when my Dad told me that Mum was undergoing a Caesarean delivery for my last sibling. Being a five-year-old girl without knowing the exact meaning of ‘life’ had put me into a very deep confusion. I did not know what it was all about but my thoughts flew off and Mum’s image wandered around my mind. How I wished to be beside her in the operation theatre and comforted her with every will I had. There was a moment of awkwardness, as I tried desperately to come up with a way to explain my thoughtlessness but Dad always saved me from agitation. “One day, you will understand.” He looked at me and I could see his eyes reflecting an image of his mystified daughter, me, a great white hope. Ever since, that was what sparked my interest in medicine.”

Every time I read again my personal statement for the mara interview, I could not feel the joy of being in kyu3m. You know why? Because not even in million years I’ve ever dreamt of being in such place. A place in which people want to study so badly. To tell you the truth, I did not do my interview that well or rather; I think I messed it up. Remember that silly question the panel asked me about that basketball thingy, I think I was so dumb to explain enthusiastically about something I did not know. I thought I didn’t get the scholarship.

As compared to the other nine mara scholars, I always believe that I’m the tenth in the list. And I don’t even care if I was the eleventh and not being chosen to study in kyu3m. But then again, I’ve always deemed this as a God sent that keeps me going and walking on a path that leads to my hopes and dreams.

But this is not the main point of this entry. Reading my PS brought me back into the past of being a 5-year-old girl. Albeit that little girl knew nothing about ‘caesarean’ she sobbed like hell when she knew that her Mum was in the OT, delivering her younger sister. She could not stop crying and accept the fact that her Mum was being operated and was going to bear a sore pain. She sat alone on the stairs, thinking about her Mum. When her Mum had got back home, she spent most of her time beside her Mum, trying to help her Mum out in any way she could. When her Mum slept, she laid beside, waiting for her Mum to wake up. And when her Mum woke up, she smiled; trying to tell her Mum that everything was ok.

Year by year, the girl had grown up. She tried to leave the memory behind and she never thought that her Mum would never by any means confront the same thing again. But her thought was wrong. When her Mum was identified to have a fibroid and needed to undergo an operation to ditch that thing, although she hated it, she hardly tried to accept it. Her endless support was what kept her believed that her Mum was going to be fine. She stayed at the hospital through out the days, waiting and accompanying her Mum. And thank Allah, now her Mum is in a healthy glow.

A couple of years back; the girl had one of the toughest moments in her life when her Mum had to leave her for a sabbatical in Manchester. She still remembers the minute her Mum waved her hand as she left her at the gate of the college; she shed a tear and thought how dreary her life would be without her Mum beside. She led a hard life back then. When her roommates called their mothers and tell everything about school, she could just sit back and thought of her Mum and wept at night. Her Mum seldom called her though but the feelings were not the same especially when she knew that her Mum was million miles away and she had not seen her Mum for months. She missed her terribly but she could do nothing.

Several months after that, she flew off to Manchester to see her Mum and family after being apart for quite a while. She did not mind to travel there all by her own because she knew that someone she loved was actually waiting for her. All way through, she was ushered by an officer and upon entering the waiting hall, she could see her Mum, smiling and waving her hand. Could it not be helped, she cried for joy.

Today, that little girl is no longer a 5-year-old-girl. She is now in a journey towards fulfilling her Mum’s hope of becoming a ‘person’ whom her Mum wants her to be. She knows that she can never repay her Mum’s great personal sacrifices because they are just too valuable and priceless. The only thing that she can do to make her Mum happy is to excel in whatever she does and pray her Mum for the best. Maybe her Mum does not know how much that grown-up little girl loves her but what really matters is Allah does know how much she wants to get the best for her Mum because after so many years of living, her Mum has made her believes that she is the luckiest girl in the world for having such a great Mum.

All my life you've been there
Any time and any where
When I was young
And even now that I am older.

I have always known
You've done the best you could
Circumstances change, lives change
But family ties are strong.

I want you to know how much
I respect what you have done
For me, for others,
And even for yourself.

When problems knock you down
You just slowly, steadily,
adjust your shoulders
And then move on.

Many others would give up,
On love and on life, but you haven't.
You've continued,
Stronger, calmer, and with determination.

That's what you are,
strong, loving, caring, and dependable.
And yet still more
You are my mom.

And I love you.

Happy Birthday Mom,

With lots of love, dina :)

the broken bond

Dekat surau orang still tengah takbir. Terasa macam raya puasa la pulak. Heh.. Baru habis tolong dad buat ketupat. After so many years, this is the first time we celebrate raya haji in Bangi. Pak Man pergi haji. Tok Baa pun ikut skali so tak syok ah raya tanpa diorang. Anid tanya soalan bangang tadi “Dad, daun ketupat ni nak buat apa?”. “Penyapu” Tu dina yang jawab la. Heh.. Semua ada kat rumah; abg Norman, abg Azam, semua la. Pak Pi, Pak Amir ngan Mak Sue je takde. Dah lama tak gather ramai2 pastu gelak2 cam tahpape. Haha..Rindu la pulak kat diorang.

Actually tak tau nak cakap apa. Tiba2 terasa cam teringin nak tulis merepek macam encik taiko. First time baca blog yg ada unsur2 ketidak matangan seorang abang. Abang la kot kan. Takkan uncle kot. Uncle utk orang yang tertentu je. Heh.. Taiko baya along ima, dah ada 3orang anak tapi otak masih mampu pikir macam kanak2. Hebat betul. One thing yg hebat pasal taiko, die punye memory cukup mantap. Respek gak ah walaupun die tulis cam merepek sket. Heh.. Tau blog encik taiko from blog nadya. Tau blog nadya from blog mr. plumber. Tau blog mr.plumber from blog Mommy. Tau blog Mommy from blog dr.mirul. Tau blog mirul from blog syazwan. Tau syazwan through friendster, kawan alitt. Siapakah alitt?

Kalau nak cite pasal alitt, sampai esok tak habis. The only thing I can say about him is, he was one of those who had taught me a lot about life. Maybe without him, I’d never knew what a friendship means. Maybe without him, I’d never knew how to laugh over small things. Yea, he taught me how to laugh. Silly, I know. Maybe without him, I’d never knew how to do stupid jokes. Maybe without him, I’d never knew how beautiful my life would be with the presence of the most precious friend beside. Uh, I dislike talking about the past and this may get sentimental but to tell you the truth, if I ever had a chance to make a wish, it would be to reunite the friendship we once built and re-forge the bond that we used to have.

And maybe without him, I’d never knew a fact that if you loved someone too much; you could end up hating that person greatly. And if you loathed someone too much that you couldn’t stand him for a second, you could end up treasuring him for your entire life.

Kenapa dina post bende ni malam raya haji macam ni? Because he once asked me “Dina, agak2nya raya haji bila boleh aku mampu korban sekor unta and bagi kat orang2 miskin?”. Tak sempat nak jawab pape die dah jawab “Tunggu 5 tahun lagi, insyaAllah aku dah kaya. Haha..”. Yep, that was 5 years ago. And now, I wonder if he could materialize his words. I hope he could…
Happy Aidil-adha, people :)

the new appearance

So I've changed the template. Have been contemplating to change the mood so this is it. Mind you this might be temporary since I'm still looking for a better one. A change is as good as a rest, isn't it?

my intuitive sense

I’m not sure since when I got these strong feelings about everything. It comes without warning. If it wants to happen at right this second, it will be. Sometimes I accept it without questioning why it happened that way but cropping up unexpectedly so often does make me curious at times. Occasionally I let it drains away but most of the times it does not come that easy. Remember the controversial post that I’ve deleted long ago?

For those who are clueless, it was a dream that I dreamt about Lupi. I got a postcard with a picture inside it; a picture of Lupi and his friends, Fid0 and @ini. It was somehow written there that he was in Dublin. The next day, I called Mum and she said "Lupi call semalam. Dia ada dekat Dublin jumpa fid0 semua. @ini@yu pun ada..". "Wow.." was all I could say to myself.

And during the MYC, I asked @kmal if I could get back to bangi with him as I did not have anyone for company. Just for the safety though. He said he was not going straight to bangi, he wanted to drop by some places. I was like “ooow, ok then. I’ll try to find someone else..” And did I not ask it to happen, I dreamt of going back to bangi with him. But back then, I thought it was merely a dream but it turned out not so. Yep, I got to KL Central all by myself but upon leaving the train, I saw him from afar. And to my great surprise, it was exactly how my dream looked like.

The other day, I went for a wedding at KRU (Kelab Rekreasi UKM) with Mum and Anid. I did not know how I got this vision of meeting someone I knew but to my surprise, it did turn out true. Anid and I was about to leave the hall when I said to anid “Tak tahu kenapa tapi aku rasa @kmal mesti ada.” And by coincidence I was wearing a blue baju kurung and unintentionally said “Skali tu dia pakai baju biru jugak”. Exactly after I said that, there he was, just entered the hall. And yep, with a blue shirt. I was like “OMG!!” and anid looked at me “Did you plan all this?” *big sweat!!*

I’ve once dreamt about Max. He called me. One thing for sure, I really miss the moment we spent together. Anyways..He called me because he wanted to invite me to his engagement occasion. Nope, I was not surprised :) And then we talked and chatted without any awkward feelings. I liked it to be that way back then. And then he told me about Micha3l and F@iruz (both are not real names). I knew both of them because Max used to tell me about them. He said “Micha3l is getting married to M@ina (not a real name as well). I asked him to invite you. Oh and F@iruz, he just broke up with his fiancée”. For the first time, I accepted it as a sign. As ever, I checked my e-mail the next day and got one from Sya. She gave me a picture of those 3 men. How did she get it? You’ve guessed it, through Google. Don’t ask me how. So I checked Micha3l and F@iruz’s friendster pages (nope, we have not contacted since I broke up with Max so yea, I searched them through that blardy friendster search engine) and I found out that Micha3l is indeed getting married to M@ina and F@iruz has broken up with his fiancée couple of months ago. But one thing that did not showed up was the fact of Max’s engagement occasion. I don’t mind if it’s true. I’m happy for him :)

Izy told me about her aim for @USMAT. She gave me a message, “…dgn penah mimpi2!!Hahah...But then, kita penah terpikir nak dpt 98.7. So round the figure up, I got 98.7! alhamdulillah.. (She got 98.65 for her ausm@t. Yep, she always makes me proud of her)… ntah kenape tah time tu, number 987 tu cam best…”. Exactly the next day, I came across FIVE cars with number plates ‘987’. I told her about that during the sleep-over and she paused a while and said “I took 5 subjects.”

It was a zero hour of the 21st of Dec, last year. It was afar’s birthday. I wished him and sms-ed him a message or two. As I was drifting off, he said “kalau nak mimpi tu mimpi ar bagi hadiah kat aku..”. And ripley’s believe it or not, I dreamt of giving him a present. He cursed me didn’t he? Heh heh.. Aku bagi ko gitar ah afar. Hahah!

A couple of days before I went for the community service at Cheras the other day, I asked a friend of mine if he ever knew where the places were located. And I did ask him how to get there by public transport. I knew there must be a KTM station or LRT or whatever around the area and I somehow said to myself “ntah2 die offer nak ambik kat stesyen. Hahah! <-- laughing without any good reason; that’s my favourite ;p”. Although he replied me one week later, he somehow did offer to fetch me up at the station. Hermm..rasa nak buat community service lagi. Heh..

And the most recent incident was last night. I got this strong feeling that my friend, wan, has changed his number. I tried to call him several times and all I got was the voice mail operator. And I did try for the last time last night and got the same thing. As I was dozing off, I said to myself “sampai hati wan tak bagitau dia tukar number..”. I don’t know if I was already in my dream when I said that but feeling as if I was being jinxed, I dreamt of him calling me and said “dina, ni number baru aku. sorry baru nak bagitau..” I was not sure how I feel. Neither was I aware of my surroundings but I someway felt it was real. As soon as I was awaked, I checked my phone but nothing I could track. As far as I can remember, the number was by any mean looks like this ‘01623/5….’ I can’t call the rest to my mind but if I got it right, I’ll let you know ;p [note to wan: kalo ko bace ni, bagitau aku laa!! eksyen eh!]

If I must admit, there are another four or five coincidences with regard to all this superstitious thingy. I don’t feel like blogging them up because they concern my personal life of which I’d rather keep them to myself. For once, I want to believe that this is some kind of heaven-sent. But you can’t really believe in all this thing right? I mean, it does make your day up if your most beautiful dream become real but it can be forbidding as well if the most implausible thing you ever wanted to happen become true. And that is what I’m scared the most; to wake up one day and find out every sweet dream I had was actually a fantasy. It crushes my heart away… I can feel it somehow, it is sorely painful. Trust me... I can feel it :)

The pic, the bite and the cd

New Year's Eve at Haj@r's. She used to live in TTDI if you all still remember. She's one of those who often throw parties, barbecues and open houses. This is the second time I was able to make it. That boy with Senn (in red), he bit me on the arm!!!!!! I was trying to take some pictures of the boys and I did not know if he dissatisfied with me or anything (I swear I did nothing to him) and he suddenly grabbed my hand and bite. I was like ?????!!!! MOMAD!!!!! and yea, he got away just like that. Cis! I'm sure gonna claim insurance from Haj@r. Sakit tau!! Nways, click here for more photos. Sorry, the pics are not so good in quality. Oh, talking about picture, I've received the adobe photoshop cd! *excited* Thanx mr.R :)

Something for the new year

Hari ni dah 2nd January. Kejap lagi nak masuk 3hb dah. Lusa 4hb and percaye ke tak, sekelip mate je lagi dah 16hb (balik kolej). Dan sepantas kilat jugak, kejap lagi dah 18jan (chemistry mock exam). Dan antara percaya dan tidak, next year dah 2007! Lepasni boleh ke bagi commitment utk blog ni? Tak taulah…tengah draft answer scheme utk soklan tu. Heh..

Hari tu celebrate new year dengan dak2 area wangsa maju. H@jar buat barbecue kat rumah baru die dekat bukit wangsamas. Area2 wangsa maju gak. Orang dah bagi hint awal dekat mamal nak hitch a ride skali. Azam akhir tahun: tanak drive pegi umah h@jar sebab muktamad dan yakin akan jam. Mula2 mal bagi green light tapi di saat2 akhir die cancel sbb dia takut jam gak. Ceh!! So akhirnye naik la lrt ngan Syir@ sampai wangsa maju pastu t-rah ambik lepak rumah dia dulu kat taman permata yg indah permai tu. Pastu malam ambik izy terus pegi umah haj@r. Lawa2 gak umah kat area bkt wgsamas tu. Buat barbecue kat luar rumah, nampak la KLCC yg dibangga2kan tu dari atas bukit tu. Lawa la jugak. Nak dating pun boleh ;p

Macam biasa, dak2 yg datang muka2 tu jugak la. Kadang2 bosan gak asyik buat get-together dak2 langkawi je. Muke same je nengok, tak berkembang. Hari tu sape ntah kate, ‘korang ni asyik wat gathering je! Tak boring ke? Kalau ade award utk maktab yg slalu buat gathering mesti dak langkawi yg menang..’ Heh.. Sudah semestinye laa. Perpaduan kitorg amat kukuh! Hekyah! Dah makan2 lepak2 balik rumah izy. Borak dan borak, akhirnye dina orang pertama yg telelap dan sudah semestinye dina jugak la bangun paling lambat esok pagi tu. Heh..

Kitorang dah ade date nak breakfast ramai2 kol 9. Dina punye la rushing mandi (dah orang last yg mandi. Heh..) ingatkan dah lambat, skali tu pegi umah rin@, semua blom mandi!!! Cam nak kene cekik sekor2. Nasib baik t-rah memahami so trah bawak jalan2 area2 tu. Round2 bukit antarabangsa pegi umah @my, iqba1 kyu3m ngan umah qi1ah. Ada sorang kazen @my ni, rumah die kat area2 situ gak. Besar gile babeng. Dalam banyak2 rumah besar2 kat situ, itulah rumah paling besar tak terkate. Lebih rm10juta kot (dina rase la..Heh..). Mula2 memang taksub gile ah rase cam honoured gile kalau dapat jejak kaki kat situ tapi hakikatnya, syurga Allah lagi hebat dari tu so tak jadik ah nak taksub2 sangat. Heh..Janji kol 9 telah di postpone ke pukul 1030 so dah round2 terus ah pegi NZ. Biasa la dah janji melayu dan kebetulan kitorg suma orang melayu, last2 lunch tros kol 12. Hampeh..

@imi nak pindah rumah baru kat Beverly heights, area2 situ gak. Rumah kosong lagi tp will be moving in soon so kitorg buat picnic kat umah die. Lawa rumah2 kat situ. Dan apa yg paling menarik ialah kereta2 di situ juga. Hehe.. Cuci mata tengok keter2 yg menarik mmg sangat best. Lepas tu dah makan2 dah round2 rumah @imi, terus balik. Tak larat ah, mata kuyu je dlm lrt nak balik bangi. Heh.. Niat suci murni nak tido je lepas dah sampai rumah tak jadik sebab ade pulak orang nak belanja pizza kat alamanda. Haih..kalau ikutkan hati memang malas nak pegi sbb penat dan ngantuk tapi kalau ikutkan nafsu memang syok aje kalo ade orang belanje pizza. Lame tak makan pizza. So malam tu pegi la alamanda ngan sal2ah (bukan nama sebenar) tanpa buah hati di sisi (Hahah!) dengan ika, man dengan awek baru die yg kurang diseangi oleh dina. Hermm..sorry man! Heh..

Balik tu macam biasa la dad risau tengok orang tak study2 utk mock exam ni suruh study gak. Masuk bilik bukak computer ingatkan nak tengok ah soklan2 past year, skali tu jari terclick kat spider solitaire, ingatkan nak main kejap je, skali tu mau dekat stengah jam layan bende tu. Haha.. last2 tak jadik study terus tido. Ish2 dina, bila nak ubah perangai tak taulah. Yang kelakarnye kan, dad cakap ‘Dad risau la tengok ko ni dina. Dad rasa ko dah tak macam dina yg dulu, selalu concern pasal study. Ni asyik relax je, tak risau ke nak exam tu..’ mula2 nak tegelak dad ckp ‘dah tak macam dina yg dulu..’ macam dina sekarang ni minah rempit je. Hhuhu..tapi betul la tu, mmg relax tahap gaban. So ntah mcm mana tiba2 dapat hidayah terjaga kol 3 pagi. Nak buat ibadah tak mampu pulak (heh..) so buat la kopi jap stay up bace bio. Bila pikir2 balik, ‘dina stay up bace bio????!!! Time cuti?????!! Mustahil!!!!!’ heh..tapi dah takleh lelap, tepakse ah sedor diri sket assignment ngan buku2 lain duk panggil dari hari tu lagi suruh dilepaskan dari bag tapi tak lepas2 jugak sampai malam tu la. Heh.. *insaff*

Cakap pasal tahun baru macam biasa la semua orang tanya apa azam baru. Hurmm…masalahnye azam cuti ni pun tak dilaksanakan lagi. Heh.. Dulu masa awal2 cuti, azam mmg bekobar2 gile nak siapkan aasgnment before cuti minggu ke4 pastu boleh relax 2mggu before college start. Lain pulak jadik, 2mggu ni la baru nak terkapai2. Heh..Beser ah tu, memang dah hidup 18tahun dengan phrase ‘last minute’. Heh.. Dari dulu lagi, kalau orang tanye apa azam baru tak geti nak jawab sebab takde azam. Semalam man tanye, ‘dina, aku tau ko dah boring dengan soalan ni tapi tahun baru ni taknak ke ada ‘someone’?’ dah lali dengan soalan itu. Tak paham betul apsal orang nak sebok2 pasal tu tapi biar je la kan, hak diorg nak tanye. Aku hanya mampu tersengih. Sengih sebab dah ada ‘someone’ atau sengih sinis sbb bosan dengan soalan tu? Dina pun tak pasti. Hahahaha!! Takde la, itu hanyalah senyuman sinis yg mampu buat man pengsan. Maka dia pun terus senyap je la. Heh.. awek kat sebelah, senyap dah ar, tembak kang!

Pastu tadi anid tanye ‘Azam baru ape dina?’. Sejak bile die tau maksud azam aku pun taktahu. Time2 tahun baru ni la abang azam glemer sebab semua orang duk sebut2 name die. Hehe.. Aku jawab ‘Apsal? Aku takde azam.Aku ada mission je. Aku takbleh ade azam sebab azam aku tak pernah menjadi tapi walau macam manapun aku akan make sure mission aku tercapai’. Disebabkan jawapan aku tu la kitorg duk bertekak tahpape. Haha.. Ye la, azam tahun baru anid is dia nak buat blog. (Alamak, telepas nid!! Hahah habis ah lupi pulak bace blog ko lepasni. Huhu..) so banyak la songeh die ‘dina, macam mana nak tukar template ni, nak tukar itu, nak tukar ini, nak buat ni jadik camni, jadik camtu..’ . Aku hanye mampu buat muka bodoh dan bosan. Belajar sendiri ye dik, akak dulu pun tidor kol 4 5 pagi belajar bende2 tu. Heh..

Dalam tengah tensyen2 dengan semua benda ni, ada jugak seseorang yang mampu buat dina tersenyum. *jeng jeng jeng* Hehe..takde ah.. Setelah separuh abad mencari idea mcm mana nak download or install adobe photoshop dengan mudah dan tanpa bayaran, akhirnye jumpe jugak manusia yg ade bende alah tu. Ape lagi, mintak ar!!!! So sekarang tengah excited tunggu bende alah tu sampai rumah. Heh.. Trime kasih kat pakcik tu sebab sanggup pos bende tu ;p Memang bende tu membahayakan sebab dina sanggup tak tidor malam nak bermain2 dan berjinak2 dengan bende tu tapi sebab pakcik tu dah bagi warning awal2 ‘jangan sampai tak study pulak. Buku jangan tinggal!’ terpakse ah dengar. Heh..

Sejak akhir2 ni, visitors blog ni makin ramai. Memang la kalau nak dibandingkan dengan mr.plumber tu memang la lagi ramai and dia pun dah tak heran dengan sape yg bace blog die tapi ‘dre@ming in fanta$y’ ni lain sket. Tuan punye blog ni curious sket sape yg duk bace blog die senyap2. Heh.. Tuan blog ni pun bace blog orang senyap2 gak tapi at least die link up blog lain yang dia bace tu! So tuan2 blog lain tu at least boleh track blog ni tapi menurut pengintipan statcounter yang banyak jasa tu, ramai orang yg reach blog ni melalui cara yang penuh dengan misteri. Heh.. Lebih2 lagi siapa yg rasa dia tu berada di bumi Jepun atau France, mari la kita berkenalan ;p

Tadi dapat jemputan ke Langkawi daripada #usniyah. Heh.. teringin jugak nak pergi lawat maktab tapi memandangkan kerja melimpah ruah, and tak sure dad bagi ke tak, so tak sure la pergi ke tak. Besar kemungkinan mungkin tak pergi sebab banyak sangat kerja tapi kalau ramai2 pergi syok gak. Kalau pergi jugak, x taulah nak kate ape. Memang susah orang tak sedor diri ni. Heh..

Cuti kali ni paling best skali sebab Nazme ngan mama and baba dia duk umah mum. Along Ima cuti dah sebulan, sampai la 3feb nanti, Nazme nak dapat adik baru insyaAllah. Tak saba! Heh.. hari tu angah aya datang rumah dengan salma aida, Tok Dad layan salma, Nazme pandang je, jeles la tu! Hehe.. Biasa la, Nazme dah biasa jadik attention orang, once orang tak layan dia, sure terase. Huhu..Tapi Nazme sayang salma lebih dari die sayang Mak Na dia ni. Hehe.. Kalau salma datang, happy tak terkata. Duk cakap ‘biby..biby..’ lupe yang die tu baby jugak. Haih, terasa tua pulak dah nak masuk 3 anak sedare ni. Heh.. Pejam celik pejam celik, dah besar dah Nazme tu. Tak dapat bayangkan bila aku dah balik kolej nanti, sure call rumah tetiap hari nak cakap dengan nazme. Heh.. Sure miss gile. Huhu sadiss..

Hmm..Rasenye dah panjang sangat kot ni. Nak stop dah ar, nak tido, ngantuk. Heh.. But before I’m off to bed, just want to mention a few significant things that I’ll be facing this year:

• my seniors will end their college lives and we, the juniors will become the seniors. Thus, more and more encumbrances will be waiting ahead.
• I’ll be sitting for the AS in June and November and I’ve promised myself to regain high expectation from MARA, Heh...and from mum and dad too :)
• Will be applying for universities via UCAS which means need to present my personal statement as best as I can. And of course, need to make sure that my predicted grades are as expected and required. Heh..
• Nazme will become a brother!!!
• 'Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts in your heart, is the only way for destiny. Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts, is the only way now for you and me'. Will bid farewell to Izy, @imi, Syir@, P@it, Effy and few of my friends who'll be flying off to some other parts of the globe. And not to forget, somebody will be gone to other place as well T_T

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!