the 'MONTAGE'

I’ve got a promise to materialize today. I should have woken up earlier but..well, something else keeps hanging in my head so it is somewhat being forced to keep lying in bed. Heh.. I’ve promised wani to go out for a movie today but you know, shutting off the brain in the wee hour of morning and expect it to rev up early in the morning, I think that is quite hard to do. Heh.. Hence, she is pissed at me now. If ever she had a chance to slap me or beat me or even shoot me, I know she would do it. Heh.. takde ah, wani ni penyabar. Lebih2 lagi kene layan dina. Bape kali ntah dah cancel dating. Hahahaha..

Fuh, finally today arrives. I’ve been going to Cheras for the last four days for a community service at T@man Sin@r #arapan(TSH) and Ruma# S3ri Kenang@an(RSK) with Aqi1ah and Kaut#ar. 2 days at TSH and 2 days at RSK. Albeit we spent four days only, we’ve gained a lot from it. That was the first time I got the chance to meet those unfortunate people and learned how they cope and adapt with the real world outside there. TSH is a place for mentally handicapped teenagers so the range of age there is around fourteen to twenty five. Most of them are plus minus my age but they don’t seem like one. They are said to be slow learners and some of them are suffering from Down’s syndrome so you must expect them to be quite childish and cannot speak very well. On the other hand, some of them are normal but have another kind of disabilities that need to be taken care of like epilepsy and autism.

The first day was starting off with an ice-breaking session, a typical way of getting to know each resident. The first time I was there, I felt quite uncomfortable and shall we say scared? Biasa la, baru first time tengok reaksi diorang, mesti la agak terkejut and terkapai2. Heh.. But lama-lama tu ok la. You would not be surprised if I told you that some of the girls and boys had been rapped, not once but for several times. There was even a boy who was used to serve those crazy and dissatisfied jerks out there. He was said to have a boyfriend and when he was at home, he would change into a girl as in wearing girl’s outfits, appearance and all and yep, his boyfriend would ask him to serve his friends and the boy would be paid around 50bucks per service.

How bloody malicious could they get? I mean, how could they do that to someone who is not normal?? How abnormal could they be as compared to the boy?? And there was a girl who had been rapped, eventually got pregnant and now her child is being adopted by other people and when she had not seen her child for quite a while, she would get mad. Kesian sangat tengok diorang.

And there was a new boy, Illya$ who had been there for a week or so. He looked normal and could respond very well though he couldn’t communicate that good but he was fun to chat and hang around with. He was anid’s age, used to school in jalan reko and he only got 1A for maths for his PMR. The rest of the subjects were all D’s and E’s. To me, that is quite impressive because he is very good at maths and could by any ways be the next John Nash or whoever but because he has autism, he does not have any choice. I don’t know why but I kinda like this boy. He always asked me questions, asked me to draw him a house and a car, always turned to me when other kids did something to him. Maybe because I don’t have a small brother, he often caught my attention. Heh..

Although they all appeared with different characteristics which at times weigh me down to meet each and everyone’s need, I had a very fun time with them. We cleaned up the library together, we sang karaoke together, chatted and talked together, played games together, and they were all like my own brothers and sisters. I kinda miss them actually. Heh..

And then, we spent the next two days at RSK, a place for old folks. Kat sini memang sedih ar tengok nenek-nenek dengan atuk-atuk tu, rasa mcm nak nangis. Well, I shed a tear once when I chatted with this one nenek and she said “Nenek rasa terharu anak-anak datang tengok nenek. Nenek tak ada anak, suami nenek dah meniggal.” Cakap mcm tu dengan dina memang ah nangis. Dina tengok cite Pinocchio pun nangis. Haha.. At RSK, we did not do many activities with the residents because most of them were not able to join. Ada yang dah uzur sangat, kesian tengok diorg. We basically did the meal distribution and then helped cleaning up the dining hall. After Zohor, we helped the PKMs (Pegawai Keb@jikan Ma$yarkat) with office work. Kinda tiring but had fun with the nenek-nenek and atuk-atuk.

Meeting them somehow makes me realize and thankful for being granted with endless gifts from Allah. We never apprehend how they gain their guts to face the world until we see it with our own eyes. If a soul does not get touched with that kind of difficulties those people have to embrace, I don’t know what to say. Banyak dosa la tu kot sampai keras hati. Heh..

Anyways, I’m currently working on my photos galore. Biasa la kalau dah duk depan komputer, surf this and check out ALL recent photos, sampai pagi la kot tak tidur. Tu yang bangun lambat tu. Heh.. Here, the coolest picture I’ve ever seen.

Kewl gile kan? Alaa bila la boleh jadik photographer yang berjaya ni. Heh.. Orite then, need to have my lunch and then will pick wani up around 2. We're going out jugak die pakse. Hehe.. Till then.

kewl photos

Another page to be checked out!! I kinda like this one =) Uh, when am I gona have one? T_T

The One with Confusion

I was in car with Anid and Icah, heading to a place that I’d rather not go but because somebody insisted, I had no choice. KL is one hell a place that I hate to drive to and the reason is none other than annoying and rage-breaking traffic jam. The traffic was moving slow and I should take a left turn but I was still smack bang on the most right lane so you can just imagine how bad the struggling was. The left-signal was blinking non stop, hoping for the people to give me some space to move through the traffic but those kiasus out there, they would never give up, would they?

I just hate horns, that’s why I never honk to other people and anid seems unsatisfied with that. “Dina, ko hon je laa kat budak tu! Macam ****!!” and whenever a car comes out of nowhere, her hand would automatically put and prepared at the steering. I would go like “Oi, saba la!! I’m the driver, not u!” and she would reply “Dah ko tak geti gune kete!”. That really does not help I tell you. That particular action actually makes me terkejut and menggelabah and I dislike those feelings especially when driving. That is just not my way but maybe, just MAYBE honking people is other person’s way. I don’t know.

And the most irritating part was when this kancil bodoh stole my parking!! Imagine if there were million of cars on the road, heading to a same place and the parking was limited and you had been round and round looking for one and fortunately there was a car leaving the place and you had put the signal on, ready to make a move when suddenly another car slide into the parking that you were dying for. Yes, without hesitation!!!!! Macam si*l!!! I swore like $%&*^*^$@#^&% (but don’t worry teek, I won’t break your shit record ;p) That was the moment when I used the car facilities to the fullest ;p. Mamat chewing-gum (note: euphemism is used here! it’s an abbreviation but no offense please!) tu dgn tak malunye keluar kete and buat bodo trus blah. Dah ar kancil wei!! Geram gile cam nak mati but I was not really in a mood to snarling and squawking at people so I just left that stupid twat. Yes, just like that. Blame me for that! Lucky me there was another car leaving the building and this time I ensured that no car would steal my parking again! Hah! I made a perfect parking though =) *crap dina, crap..*

“Aku tak faham la nid, aku slalu tolong orang tapi kenape org tak tolong aku eh? Not to say that I’m helping people because I expect something good from other people, no not like that. But I don’t know, why don’t these people have some sense of merciful or whatever.”. “Alaa sabar je laa. Maybe you’ll get a help when you need it the most. There is a good repay for you one day, maybe it comes in a form that you never expect, tak ke tu lagi best..Or maybe there are other people who need the help more than you do, so just give them a chance. Isn't that a way of helping people too?”

She was right. I can’t expect too much from the world, can I? I mean, I’m still in my learning stage, try to perceive life in a better way but sometimes, when I try to help and understand people; they don’t quite get what my intention is and some of them even take an advantage on me. Yes, I know, this is where life is teaching me how to be a better person, how to be optimistic but you can’t be patient all the time, can you? You cannot always meet people’s needs right? Sometimes you want to think positive and help people out here and there but those people don’t really have the same perception of thinking as you do. They tend to think otherwise and always put themselves on the top, never think about other people. Their needs always top off other people’s needs. No, don’t get me wrong. I’m not trying to say that I am right and other people are wrong but SOME of them are being really2 selfish. Is this how the life should be? I don’t know, you might have your own opinion. But that is just a bit part of it. Life is actually more than that.

I don’t know since when I start all this ‘thinking’ thingy. I mean, every time I’m in a middle of a crowd, I’ll always observe people and think why and how they do this and that. Most of them are not really answerable (is there any such word?) but the more I think about it, the more confused I will get because most of the time, I don’t understand why people do that particular thing. Yes, I know, different person has different way of thinking and each one of us has our own personal view and I respect that for that matter. But you know, contradiction always put people into puzzlement and perplexity right? For instance, when the news of the non-halal sausage spread through the community, most of them (Muslim especially) started to boycott the company that manufactures the sausage. Semua org kecoh2 pasal tu but why and why and WHY, when it comes to corruption, people tend to shut their mouth up? Kenapa makan rasuah boleh tapi makan bende tak halal tak boleh? Sins will always be sins right?

Another example; I was queuing up for a movie ticket (Constant Gardener yang sangat tak best) and then there was a couple, yep, they were muslims (kalau melayu pakai tudung selalunya Islam la kan?) cuddling each other and I overheard something like this “You tau tak, I tak sangka pun si so-and-so tu drink!! Nampak je baik tapi drink jugak! Dengar cite die pernah ter*tut* dengan si so-and-so”. Ok, shoot me if you think I was not supposed to eavesdropped people’s conversation and I should have mind my own business, but I could not run myself away from it. The couple was just right in front of me, takkan nak tutup telinge, ape kes kan? But that’s not the point. The point is; I was quite surprised that both of them were still aware of the sins of drinking!! Siap tak sangka org buat bende tak elok, yg diorg tu? Ish2..ape nak jadik ntah… That is just a small proportion of the whole matter but I think you get what I’m trying to say.

Let just leave that for a moment. For a digression, my brain is waiting for its time to explode. It will just blast off at any second from now. It has been my third week of holiday but the books are still safe unpacked. Mum and Dad have started to worry about me. Dad tak bagi main komputer as frequently as usual. Heh.. Oh well.. I’m worried about myself even more!!!!!! I’ve just received a message from #ilfi, asking me to reserve the hall for the ICAN. And for ICAN jugak, aktiviti hari isnin kene tukar dgn hari selase. All the speakers need to be informed as well as the other people who are involved. That is not my job but whatever it is, I am the one who need to make sure everything goes as planned!!! I need to make sure that everything is done as they should be. And my piled up biology assignment is still untouched and none of the chemistry books is on my desk! If that is not enough, I have to look for sponsors for the ecotrip and am still deterring over running for SC next year. *BIG SIGH*.. This is life, isn’t it? Well, I'm catching things up, hopefully =)

Anyways, this is my daily dose that keeps my sanity. I think this picture is MAGNIFICENT!! Imagine if that was my hand on a BMW's, it would be much cooler! Heh.. Credit to Nadya for this pic. (Nad, kite curik gambar awak! ;p)

Ok guys. Need to head off to bed now. I've got to wake up early and go straight to Cheras for some good deeds =) Will get back to you guys as soon as possible. Nite!

Have faith in yourself

Have you ever gnashed your teeth over someone whom you’d never thought would make you feel that way and you did not have any intention to let him or her off? Have you ever felt betrayed by someone whom you used to love so much that made you lose trust and faith in that person? Have you ever been damned by a person whom you used to treasure so much for something silly and stupid? Have you ever felt the rising of detestation within you and could not find any way to stem it off? Have you ever thought of running away from all problems you were confronting with and hoped everything would settle? Have you ever felt like screaming your lungs out and released every burden in you, just hoping that all those encumbrances flutter away and never come back? If you have, then you will know how terrible they are and believe it or not, sometimes you cannot overcome all the dire consequences that you have to embrace.

I don’t fancy having falling outs with people. Nor do I enjoy messing up myself over people who are not worth bothering. That is why I tend to keep those feelings to myself and pray to God to let them fade away on their own without giving any bad impact to other people. It is hard and takes a long time to feel good again but as long as you have faith in God, believe me, everything will turn out good. It makes you feel even better than you should have felt. Remember this? I’m missing the moment :)

During the MYC that I attended several weeks ago, one of the ustads had told us about some tips to be a sheer blissful person. First, remember all the good deeds that people have done to you. Second, remember all those wrong doings that you have done to other people. Third, forget about all the good deeds that you have done to people and last but not least, forget and forgive people who have done wrong doings to you. At first I found it quite stiff to practice but once you’ve give a try, you will know its power.

"Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there... to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson or help figure out who you are or who you want to become. You never know who these people may be but when you look eyes with them, you know that every moment that you are with them; they will affect your life in some profound way. And sometimes things happen to you at the time that may seem horrible, painful and unfair, but in reflection you realize that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, will power or heart.

The people you meet affect your life. The successes and downfalls that you experience can create who you are, and the bad experiences can be learned from.... In fact, they are probably the most poignant and important ones. If someone hurts you, betrays you or breaks your heart, forgive them because they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart. If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally not only because they love you, but also because they are teaching you to love and open your heart and eyes to little things.

MAKE EVERYDAY COUNT! Appreciate every moment and take from it everything that you possibly can, for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk to people who you have never talked to before, and actually listen. Let yourself fall in love, even if it doesn't seem right because you are too young or too far, just follow your heart. Surround yourself with those who make you smile, laugh, and make you happy.

Break free and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself, no one else will believe in you. Create your own life then LET GO and LIVE IT!"

let it speak on its own way

I know this is such a personal thing to blog about but I just feel like writing. I had a falling out with a friend yesterday. I made her cry and I did not feel sorry for that at all. I just wanted to help but she would not listen, what else can I do? I’m not trying to be a terrible gossipmonger or anything; I just do whatever I think the best for her. There’s nothing wrong with it. But why and why and WHY at the end of the day, I got pinned on? Anybody has the answer? Well, she said because I have not as yet fallen in love with anybody. ‘Sebab kau tak pernah rase mcm ni! Kau tak pernah sayang Max!’ Haha! Wow.. it cracked me up like hell. That was absolutely a crap!

Sa|2ah (not a real name) just got back from Australia last year and she has been in a relationship with J0hn ever since. J0hn is her best friend since they were in standard 6 kot. The problem is, Sa|2ah’s parents are the we-will-not-allowed-our-daughter-to-have-a-boyfriend-until-she-gets-into-univeristy type of people. So her parents do not know about them. On a more negative note, both of them have gone too far. Not that they have sex or anything but it just something that is not pleasant to ears and not a good sight for eyes. Heh ayat cam best je. Anyways, I did talk to her sometimes, more to a reminder. And she kept saying ‘Aku tau la jaga diri aku sendiri. Aku tau mana yang baik and buruk. Ko tak faham la dina. Ko memang takkan faham. Ko tak payah risau. Aku pun tanak bapak aku tanggung dosa aku’ Hmm.. tak faham macam mana ek? Why is the sky blue? Or why is the tree green? Heh..you pick ;p

Well, I believed her. But not until I found out that she lied. We went for a drink and lepak2 kat kedai mamak the other day and I happened to pilfer her handphone. NO, I’M NOT A THIEF. I just wanted to know what was actually happening around. And that was when I got to know that they often met each other and well, I hate to say this but they just did something unacceptable; something that were not ‘tanak bapak aku tanggung dosa’ kinds of thing. I felt disappointed and frustrated that a friend of mine who was so baik and ‘suci’ did involve in such things. Tak tahulah kan tapi aku sangat pantang dan benci org couple yg duk buat zina di khalayak ramai. And the problem is, those people do not know that all those ‘small’ things that they do are actually categorized as ‘zina’. I did tell her about that but it did not seem to work. And I have to state here that J0hn is not a good guy. He smokes (well, I just hate smokers), he does not concern about his prayers at all (I doubt if he ever gone for Solat Jumaat), I don’t know if he ever drank or anything but he is just not good. At least he is not good for Sa|2ah la.

Entah macam mana ntah, her parents had finally found out about her and J0hn. I don’t know what did her parents do but she called me the other day, told me everything. Her parents were so pissed and she sobbed like hell that I barely heard what she said. Heh.. Tapi nak sedapkan hati buat2 dengar je la kan ;p But I knew then that she was lamenting over what she did. She told me that she appreciated every word I spilled to her and couldn’t be more thankful without them. I was glad to hear that, felt happy for her for FINALLY realized everything. BUT, it does not stop there. Last week, my other friend called me and said Sa|2ah and J0hn are still meeting each other up. That did not really tick me off because I think she really needs time to do some makeovers but you know, when I rang her up like zillion times and she did not answer me and when I found out that she keeps meeting that repellent dud, I felt upset. I don’t know why but she is not who she is now.

So I called her with my dad’s number and she did answer the call. That was how everything got started. I don’t mind if she said ‘Ko memang selfish!’ or ‘Ko nak smua org faham kau tapi ko tak pernah nak faham org lain’ or ‘U will never understand dina because you’re heartless’ or whatever. I really don’t mind. I tried to understand her feelings and her situation that she’s confronting now but one thing I could not accept was when she said ‘You know what dina. Kau memang tak berhati perut, suka masuk campur hal orang padahal diri sendiri tak terjaga. Now I know why Max hates you so much’. I was like…. ‘SORRRY misss??!!’ maka berlakulah perang besar. Haha.. Aku paling benci nak gaduh or marah2 orang lebih2 lagi dgn kawan sendiri tapi… ntahla. I just tried to be concern about her. I don’t want her to lose the real grip. If I was really selfish and all I think and care about is just me, then I would not have to get involved in all this crap in the first place. I’ve got loads of other things to bother. But different person has different way of approach right? All I can do is just pray to Allah; may she accept everything with an open heart.

You know what; I have always believed that love will never be able to be understood. It either makes you happy or sad. The thing is, you can’t choose both one and you’ll never know which one will you get in the end. I did ask Dad, if you have two ways with different outcomes, which one will you choose. Dad said, ‘Take both because one has ample time to be regretful if he or she took the wrong path. That is why God gives us a room to improve and be a better soul.’ I agree with that and I myself do believe that no matter which path you take, there’s always a positive side underneath it. Everything happens for a reason. BUT somehow, if you are already aware with the drawbacks of either way that you’ll face at the end of the line, why do you go for it in the first place? WHY??! And can you assure yourself that you still have AMPLE time to be regretful? If death came with a faster pace, what other choice do you have?

This morning I sms-ed her ‘I did love Max wholeheartedly but he made me loved myself even more. I don’t want to suffer because of love. It’s not worth suffering.’ and yea, of course she did not reply. You know what; I hope, just hope that one fine day, she’ll come across me and say ‘You are right, dina. I was a fool back then. I should have listened to you’. But no matter how hard she explains, I will never understand…

The day when I was a witness

My phone rang
‘Hello. Kak @na kat mane? dina dah sampai. You want me to go straight to the icu?’
‘Eyh saba la budak. Kak @na tak sampai lagi la. I’m gona be there in a bit. Wait for me at the entrance’

5 minutes after that..
‘I dah agak dah. There must be a massive echo tapi diorg tak caye’
‘Yesterday there was not even a murmur and the patient was getting worse so terpaksa la hantar ijn. And you were right, they diagnosed the same thing.’
‘I’ve told them about that. diorang siap gelak lagi.. Oh btw, this is my niece, dina. Dina, this is dr. r@ja, she’s a paeds.’

After 5minutes in the conversation, we went straight to a room. ‘bilik persalinan’ came across my sight.
‘Dina tukar baju ni. And wear this cap and mask. And then take one pair of the shoes’
‘Err ok.. Are we going to the OT?’
‘Oh kak @na tak bagitau eh? Yes dear, the patient will be there in any minute. If any of them ask u anything, just say u’re a first year medical student ok. And feel free to ask anything. Ok we have to rush now. The patient is already in there’

After 2minutes of running..
‘Wow, this is cool’ I said to myself as we entered the OT. But gee, there was a young lady; probably my age was lying helplessly on the bed. She looked pale and frightened to death. Weeping and shivering. I myself was stunned like hell. It was my first experience and that was not what I expected. Everything in there was hectic and frenzied; full of activity. What I was looking ahead to was something more calm and in control. Well, not to say that they were not managing it well but it just sent shock waves across the extent.

‘Ok, Yap. Jangan takut. Tarik nafas dalam-dalam. Kita tidurkan awak sekejap ok.’ said kak @na. And that young lady kept crying. It was awful. Out of nowhere, there were 2 surgeons plunged in, preparing themselves for the op. Her swelled belly had finally uncovered and the lady was by now unconscious. What in my head was ‘the doctors must have planned to get rid of something in the belly. Could be a tumor or something?’

Few seconds after that, the op started. I stood idly at the corner of the room, too staggered to come closer. Everything happened so fast. Several minutes later, I saw the doctor whipped something out of the belly and to my greatest surprise, it was a fainted baby! Subhanallah. The baby was completely purplish and it did not move at all! My brain was like ‘Woaw!!!! This is too drastic man!’. I did not expect a baby in the first place! And the baby was nearly passed away! Thank Allah kak @na managed to keep the baby alive. That was truly an experience and it kept hang around in my head until now.

‘So, rasa nak terpengsan tak? Kak @na macam nak naik gila bila stethoscope tu tak dengar apa2. Alhamdulillah baby tu selamat.’
‘Dina terkejut gile. Tak sangka pun semua benda tu.’
‘Macam tu la kerje doctor. You need to get well prepared to handle such situation anytime. Lepas ni ada day care case pulak. Budak 3 and 1 tahun kena hernia and Dr. Ger@rd will do the op. Sebelum tu, kita makan nasik lemak dulu ok.’
‘Err ok. Anything you say’ I was still on a shock stage of mind. Still muddling things through with mentally unprepared.

Then we lepak2 at the ‘bilik rehat’, chatting and getting to know with the doctors and nurses. They were very nice. By coincidence, one of the docs was Along Ima’s GP so we got along pretty well. I had never been in a place where people kept talking about things that I’d never heard before. All those medical terms, they were hell out of my hearing. One of the staff nurses even said ‘you have to read up then you will know what we’re talking about.’ ‘I’m sorry?? You want me to read all those stuff? Helllo…I haven’t even done my a-level, please!’. Heh..obviously I said that to myself ;p

Inside the OT9..
‘Abah..abah jangan pergi jauh2 tau..’
‘Ye, abah ade kat sini. Adik takyah takut tau. Nanti doctor cucuk tak sakit. Macam kene gigit nyamuk je.’
‘Abah, adik sejuk. Adik taknak duk sini.. Diorg nak buat apa ni?’
‘Alaa kejap je. Doctor nak ubat adik la. Adik nak sihat tak?’ The father looked calm. The boy looked puzzled and scared. I pulled my head away. My eyes started to dwell. I could not stand this. The silly sentimentality began to kick in. And then kak @na’s voice broke in. ‘Ok, adik jangan takut ye. Doktor nak cucuk sikit kat tangan boleh?’ The boy shook his head. ‘Taknak? Ok la, doktor bagi adik ubat adik tarik nafas dalam2 ok? Bau strawberry tau!’ kak @na tried to persuade the boy but he refused to inhale the gas. ‘Ok, kalau macam tu doktor cucuk sikit kat tangan ok?’. After the boy inadvertently gave his hand and after kak @na injected some kind of drugs inside the tube, the boy gradually became unconscious. The father was asked to wait outside. Dr. Ger@rd and another 2 staff nurses stood aside, prepared for the op. ‘Oh Dr. Ger@rd, you’re already here. Here’s my niece, Dina. She’s a medical student. She’ll be around for a few days, just to have a simple view on life as a doctor.’

Dr. Ger@rd was a very nice doctor. He showed me and explained one by one how the op was conducted. I was impressed. Albeit it was a minor operation, that was the first time I could lay my eyes on such situation that close. Everything was smack bang in the middle of my sight. After Dr. Ger@rd done his job, kak @na need to make sure that the patient could be conscious again and breathe normally. I was impressed by kak @na as well. She managed everything very well. Since the number of anesthetist in Hosp. Putrajaya can be counted on the fingers of one hand, the demand is very high. So she needs to rush from one OT to another and make sure everything goes well.

‘Dina belajar betul2 ok. Always keep in your mind that everything is actually God’s will. Doctors can only do their best, they cannot decide. And never ever be arrogant. Always be humble..’

Through out this experience, one thing that I promise to myself; I want to be like them. I don’t want to just help people out, but I want to decide the best for them..

A Beautiful Mind

‘Imagine... If you had suddenly learned that the people and the places and the moments most important to you were not gone, not dead, but worse – had never been real. What kind of hell would that be?’ –A Beautiful Mind

It hurts you the most. It possibly eradicates your soul ultimately. But it appears that you don’t have too much choice, do you? Sometimes you can’t expect people to completely understand how your world looks like, how it feels to breathe the air you inhale, how things that come across your sight look like. You cannot expect people to perceive life with the same meanings as you do. You cannot force people to be in your shoes. You neither can blame people if they don’t be as who you wish them to be. And sometimes you just need a place to go to, a person to turn to, and a moment to cherish about just to make yourself feel better. Alas, if they turned out unreal, how devastated you could be? They were what you’d been waiting for all this while. To some extent, you hardly accepted it but no choice you had, that was how life treated you and nothing you could do, how hopeless and helpless you were, life must go on.

Along Ima asked me the other day ‘Dina, kau tak kisah ke orang lain bace ko punye blog. I mean, ko tak kisah ke orang tau ko punye personal life?’. Honestly, I do mind people read my blog. That’s why I don’t really fancy silent readers but it’s nothing I can avoid can I? I mean, that is what I should expect in the first place right? Well, I don’t actually spill everything in here so there’s nothing I should be worried about. And I’ve decided to keep blogging which means I don’t have any other choice than accept silent readers and let them know more about me. That is somewhat a compliment though; at least there are people out there who want to know about me. Heh.. The stat even tracks down a person who has googled my name. Haih.. saba je laa. But being a no braggart, I really don’t have things to show off. My life is simply normal, not a fairy tale although this is called a ‘fantasy’. Then you can see the purpose of the word ‘dreaming’ there. Oh crap… I’m bored actually and have nothing to blog about (yea right..and this is going to be what, the 3rd paragraph? Heh..)

Anyways, I went to banting last 2 days. I did not really know what was the purpose of going there but I was damn bored doing nothing at home so I decided to meet up my friends there. Why banting you ask? Well, first, it is just a thirty-minute drive. Tak larat ah pegi sunway or intec. Second, banting is the parkampungan of maresmawians so most of my good friends are there. Some even run the MPP. Hah!! Talking about pulun!! Hehe.. Bangge ape 4org run mpp. Senang keje aku kalo aku run SC nnt kalau nak buat friendly match basketball ke. Tebus kekalahan kyu3m!! Err ok I’m dragging too much. Third, they’re still in the examination mode so had been thinking that my presence would cheer them up a bit! Heh.. I did that I tell ya! Borak2, gosip2. Sempat main basket lagi tu. Hehe.. agak terpegun ah dengan cara hidup sihat diorg. Huhu.. have to admit that they have a bigger field and two basketball courts. I repeat, TWO BASKETBALL COURTS!! So pakcik *Rashid Ismail terpakse ah melabur duit for the second court for kyu3m. Heh.. Fourth, seems like they were the only friends who still not in the middle of the holidays so they might not know how thrilling the holidays could get so I was there to do my job! Heh..

You know what; I kinda miss the sweet moments back then in Langkawi. 2 years are not enough and we’re split in the middle of that. Maybe they don’t really feel what I feel but being amongst them in one place together would not be the same as spending 2years in kyu3m without them. Don’t get me wrong, kyu3m is the best place one could ever be in and I’m very thankful for that but when it comes to friends, it’s very hard to emerge a truthful friendship as one. Lebih2 lagi a shy person like me (ehem..) takes a very long time to find a good friend. But I believe in faith though. I know that 2years in kyu3m will definitely be as precious as the years in Langkawi. Perhaps, it could be even better. Who knows :) I’ve even met someone there. Ooops, terlepas! Heh.. No no, can’t say much about that. If Izy read this, let she be even more confused. Hahaha *keji*

So Mum rang up kak @na just now; asking about my job attachment. She said there is not much thing to see in Hospital Putrajaya. I mean, she is an anesthetist, and all that she involved in is gassing people up. Yea, more or less like bluescrubber and most of the times she’ll be around the ICU; a place where I can’t expect more. Things would be more interesting if I could witness more ‘real’ cases like ones in emergency department but since Along Ima is in her mc, I don’t have a choice. It’s not that bad though. Hopefully. Heh.. don’t worry, I’m not like p3j@i yang pulun buat job attachment sampai ke pahang die pegi. Huhu.. Lupi kate keje ikut2 doctor ni boring so should I not expect too much right? Heh.. yang penting ikhlas, kan?

So I think it’s time to shut my brain down and save it for tomorrow. Pray hard for me not get anyone into trouble or piss nurses off. Heh.. Nite!

*Just in case of you’re wondering, it’s the name that we give for Mr. Rich@rd Sm@||. And those weird spellings are to minimize the chance of being detected by the search engine ;p ta!

why I blog

Ahaha.. It’s very funny indeed. I really did not expect the comment. Huhu.. You really wanted to read that post did you? Hehe.. No, no problem at all. Not all people know that they still can reach that ‘deleted’ post like you did. Aku laa tu yg tak tahu. Haha.. Thanx mr. stranger. Now I learn something; make sure you delete the entry that you want to delete, do not just ‘save as draft’ because the spider can still look for it through the web. Heh..

Since the unexpected incident caught me on the wrong foot the other day, I now realized that internet is no longer the right place to share things. One by one, people got here by googling something if it’s not their name. Google ecotrip ah, MYC, kyuem ah. Aduh… Pastu tak tinggal tapak kaki plak tu. Aish.. I don’t think I can write as frequent as I’ve been writing all this while (can I? heh..). I know you will laugh at the statement that I’ve just made and say “Haha what do you expect? Blogging your routine without people know about it?”. I’ve always been aware of that since the very beginning. In fact that was not why I started blogging for by transferring a blog into a diary. That was definitely not the reason. If you want me to admit, I do keep a diary up till now. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, is it not? I love writing albeit I’m not very good at it but at least I’m trying and learning. It was something that I learn back then; share things with people and gets feedbacks from what you blogged about and hope that the feedbacks will encourage you to perceive life better. I do learn things a lot from this :) That’s the best part of all.

I still remember the first time I got myself into the blogging world was through a friend (hint: his blog is one of my reverences :) yep, I do read his blog till now). And as of then, I started to learn the word ‘bloghopping’ when I reached a few blogs of people that I know. What they wrote mostly reflected my own life and so they were somehow encouraged me to own one and that was how this so-called ‘dreaming in fantasy’ exists by ruminating that this would give me benefits in return. Ade laa sikit2 kot. Never thought that the intention of making this; blogging; just for the hell of it led me into so many things. Be it good or bad, there were always things for me to learn about. I even met new friends like Dr. Mirul in Simferopol and Syazwan in Lille. And then there were the Mr. Plumber with his cute kids :) and the tough mummy who struggles so hard fighting with the cancer, Nadya the supercool photographer who figuratively encouraged me into photographing (now I’m obsessed with it. Heh..) Uncle Saiful :), that pakcik codger, blurscrubber and soooo many more. Oh and not to forget, that si budak redza that I met in Manchester couple of years ago, never expected to meet him again in this cyber world. Heh.. I am really appreciated for giving the opportunities to meet such people. They are just great. Could not find them if I did not blog in the first place. Heh..

Most of the times during the long holiday I had were spent on reading people’s blogs. Nothing I did at home but sitting on this chair in front of this computer for hours and hours while other of my friends were busy with things like anime and stuff. And over the months, I learned some stuff about html and all; on how to make my blog more attractive (heh..yea, of course you can say this blog is not attractive at all.), how to put up that music box with Michael Buble’s song, Home (Thanx uncle saiful ;p) and whatnots. Needless to say I lapped it up very much. There’s even a person who has finally built up his own blog now although he seldom updates the blog up. (Promotion done!) Hehehehe.. Now, with a hectic life I’m leading on, I don’t have much time to spend on blogging and bloghopping. Kadang2 rase rindu jugak dah lama tak bloghopping. Rase macam tertanye2 “mcm mane ek so-on-so skrg ni..”. And to my discouragement, some of my favorite bloggers have even terminated their blogs. As I’ve said before, mine will grind to a halt one sweet day. Never know when, never know how. But I will definitely do…

Anyway.. it's almost 3 in the morning. Smalam tido pukul 3 gak lepastu bangun 12jam kemudian. Hahaha teruk perangai. I'm going out tomorrow with anid and icah to KLCC tengok Narnia. Talking about Narnia, I don't quite get it why the lion, witch and bla bla is the first to be shown. The Narnia series have been existed in this house since I was like what, seven? And as far as I'm concerned, the first book is supposed to be 'The Magician Boy' not that 'the lion, witch and bla bla..' hurrmm..tak kisah laa. Just hope that I don't fell asleep in the cinema. Heh.. Nite! Have a good weekends ppl!

Another Memory to be Engraved

So people keep visiting my blog day by day. I was eventually struck by the numerous visitors who got into here by googling someone’s name and I’m not very pleased with that. Needless to say that a few of friends have started to ask about it so no choice I have, the entry ‘..inhale..exhale..’ has been deleted :) There’s even a person who has pulun-ed gile babeng to read the entry but in vain because my pace is fortunately faster. Sorry ye bang! Heh.. No, not because I’m afraid of people knowing my bad attitude of talking shit behind people’s back. It’s nothing like that. It’s just that I really did not mean to say such words. People always make mistakes, right? And being an ordinary person, I always try to be a better one. And moreover, I don’t want him to know about that because it might lead into something I don’t like. So, yea, I think that’s enough.

Anyway, everyone around has started to talk about ‘freedom’ and ‘relief’ into which I might not really get myself. The SPM is over, the AUSMAT is over, the MUFY is over, the ADFP will be over soon and yea, my first semester is over as well but it does not seem comparable to others. ‘Baru first sem beb, 3sem lagi nak kene pulun’ said a friend. Oh well… Don’t worry; IB is not over yet too. Heeh.. I need to get my job attachment done by next 2 weeks, have to go for the community service some time later and at the same time I need to make sure that my revision proceeds as planned. Otherwise, the ‘relief’ won’t get into my sight especially when it comes to entering the AS level in November. Mum called up MARA yesterday to ask something about Lupi’s laptop payment and accidentally she spoke to En. Khaizan the officer who is in charge of MARA scholars in my college. And the bad part was when he asked “So Rushdina macam mana? Study ok?” He knew he isn’t supposed to ask so, did he not? Because the report will anyhow get to him soon enough and yea, he should expect the unexpected. Hehe..

Although it may sound depressing especially when the thought of next years’ undertakings need to be contemplated, it has always been good to keep thinking about my life mission. Three-day camp in Bukit Tinggi has made me realize how, why and what has the globe been up to these days. As we suit to the word ‘manusia’ itself, we can never run away from being forgetful and scatterbrained. I don’t have the ability to talk and to deliver words that can give at least a slight impact on others’ religious consciousness but I’ll try my best to do whatever I can. Perhaps by being one of the SCs, who knows? Heh.. I’d be very glad to share the knowledge that I gained from the camp but let’s keep that for another entry shall we?

So the trip to Pulau Jerejak the other day was extremely magnificent to a point that we had had our money’s worth out of that trip and did not mind if we had to pay more for another extra 2 or 3 days. heh... All 4 houses gathered at the guard house around 7am, loading bags onto the busses and waiting for everyone to be there. It was as lively as a party even at that wee hour of morning when everyone was buzzing around with excitement and minds were as relax as they could be. Come on, it was a house trip, not an educational trip or whatever so you should not bother about studies, should you? Diamond pulled off around 730 and reached Penang around 1230 in the noon. We had our lunch in a nasi kandar restaurant which I found not worth it at all. Being very choosy Aqtar, he complained a lot. Heh..

Around 230, we crossed the channel to Pulau Jerejak by ferry (was there any other mean?) and took about 10 to 15 minutes to reach the Island. Believe me, the island was very beautiful and the resort itself was..wooooowww!!! Upon reaching the entrance, and while everyone was busy taking photographs, Azmir went to the reception to settle up stuff and retrieved our keys. Four-bedded room for each four of us was way enough than we should expect; comfortable and spacious with a magnificent beach view. After everything was settled down, then we did the beach activities! This was the best part of all. The guys had the futsal tournament and some of us played volley and geng2 kanak-kanak riang main game ape ntah. Tapi mmg masyuk habes ah! Huhu.. We played till dusk fell and there it was, the dazzling sun was about to set. Unlucky me for not having my photographing skill to stop the moment from running away :’(

At night, we had our superb dinner. The food was heavenly good especially the lamb and bread pudding. Boy I miss those tucks. After gobbled up the food, then we had a light entertainment by some oh-so-talented performers :) I’d never known that Azmir could play guitar very fine and Dehe could sing verrrrrrryyy well as in I’d rather hear William Hung sings. Heh.. And then we had this strange game whereby we were divided into groups of ten to twenty and one group had to sing a song which started with the last letter of previous group’s song. Needless to say that my group won that stupid game. Huhu.. Dehe sungguh pasrah sekali. Haha.. Around 11 or so, we dismissed and had a rest for the next day’s activities.

So we had flying fox for the next day. We had to cross a suspension bridge before we could do the flying fox. I have to admit that the bridge was not really high but believe me; I crossed that thing as fast as I could and struggled really hard to put the acrophobia away. Haha.. Gayat gile!! No second cross after that ok. Hehe.. The flying fox was not so bad albeit it was my first time, I did it quite well. Heh.. It was fun :) By 1pm, we checked out and went straight to the main Island after having our lunch. We initially planned to pull off straight to Lembah Beringin right after that but since semua orang tak puas lagi, kitorang shopping kat Gurney Plaza sampai asar then baru betolak balik college. Dengan banggenye, Diamond was the last house to reach college at 10pm. Heh.. That basically was all. Even though it was an only one-night trip; we had a very sweet moment out of the trip. Too bad that would be the last house trip which will be inserted in college calendar because after this, no more house trip for every house. Paling baik pun buat picnic je ah kat kerling tuh. Huhu..

So anyone interested in having your holiday in Pulau Jerejak? You won’t regret ;P

Click here for more photos.

It's your choice; you pick :)

A fren of mine gave me this and I found it a bit sarky. My intention of putting up this link is not to mortify or to take anybody down but to share a fact of life nowadays. Some words might be inappropriate but after all, it's their own way to deliver the message and we as the listener, should take the positive side and bak kata ustad *rizal, dengar dgn MATA HATI ok? :) Semoga kita semua (especially the girls) get the message and plzzz..do think it wisely :)

[note:the link will be closed by next week]

*bukan nama sebenar. takut nanti terkantoi lagi. heh..

deepest apology

Yesterday I had a very unexpected visitor. Jeng jeng jeng. How did she get here? Well, it’s not a long story but it’s more to a ‘terkantoi’ situation. When the technology is getting overwhelming, everything will seem possible and world becomes even smaller. Even the poles can reach this blog. Heh..

Sejak peristiwa terkantoi ni and another few embarrassing situations I did to several of my friends, rase mcm diri ni jahat gile la pulak. Heh.. wira and izy agak terkantoi besar juge. Terkantoi ape?? Well, ceritenye sgt panjang tapi to be short, they are quite fuming and feel inflicted. Honestly, I really did not mean to put them in such situation. My intention was just to make it as a fun thing, not to mortify or take people down. But yea, could it not be helped, everything turned out not very good. Even my good guy friend terkantoi gak (ehem…u know who u are. I am so so so sorrryy!!). I learn a lesson from this ok, I really do. Just hope those people will not keep it to themselves for any longer. No hard feelings please!!! =)

Anyway, yesterday we had the last activity conducted by the Student Council 05/06 which was the SC Open House Festival in regard to the Hari Raya and Deepavali celebration. We were honored by the presence of Dr. Ikmal, the CEO of UEM Berhad and also by all the staff and teachers. Some performances were taking place and they were all splendid and marvelous. The most touching part was when they presented the video presentation of the whole semester events, including the induction week. Sangat sedih and terharu. Heh.. satu semester rasenye mcm berjuta kot aktiviti. Tak larat dah rase.. tapi mmg sangat best la. They are indeed moments that will never be forgotten. One semester has passed off and one semester left for the seniors before they end their college lives and are about to depart to their own path. Isk..sungguh sedih…

Bende yang lagi menyedihkan lagi is, Diamond kalah basketball final lawan Topaz!!!!!!! Oh tidaak!! The game was held yesterday evening and apparently it was drizzling and the court was so wet and slippery. We posed to play indoor game, inside the MPH, but then Batu (or I’d rather call him Akmal), the referee said nobody wanted to arrange the MPH and of course because of time constraints. Akmal macam agak bengang jugak laa kot sebab Diamond ni byk songeh. Hari tu match lelaki Diamond vs Garnet (Akmal is a garnetor) main gaduh mcm ape sampai kene rematch. Lepastu Diamond girls pernah jugak mintak rematch dengan Topaz sbb kalah tanpa bertanding. Sbb tu la akmal mcm bengang kot. Tengok time die bengang, terigt Lupi. Tak tahu laa part mane yg terigt tu tp he really reminds me of Lupi. Ade ar gaye sket2. heh.. Anywayyy..the game was held as planned, maka adela agenda tergolek2, tergelincir sume tu. Mane taknye, court basah gile! Nak mengomel pun kat diri sniri je ah kan. Topaz plak mcm tak pasal2 aggressive gile so dengan itu, Diamond pun kalah. Point brape? Takyah tanye kot. Heh.. lagi membengangkan, final match for guys which was right after the girls match, Garnet vs Topaz main indoor game pulak!!! Tensyen je.. shat was very disappointed because initially she was over confident that Diamond would win the game but it turned out otherwise. Takpela, ade hikmah disebaliknye. Next battle is, BANGSAWAN!!!! Go Diamond!!

As I’ve said before, I’ll post up the entry about the trip to Pulau Jerejak the other day. General speaking, the trip was extremely fun. We really had a great time there. Nak cite banyak tapi not now kot. Tengah tunggu gambar from Yaya sbb yaya ade byk gambar sket. I’ll post it up as soon as I got home which is after the MYC ends next Monday. Talking about MYC, we’re gonna have a briefing this evening. And the venue for the camp has been changed to Bukit Tinggi instead of going to Dusun Eco Park. Actually the venue is not what the event is all about. What really matters is we can spend time together and have fun. And of course, being a better person :)

Anyways, the statcounter showed something unexpected today. It managed to track people from somewhere I've never thought of; Imperiall College with more than 10visits, Edinburgh University Local Area Network with at least 4visits, Queen Mary And Westfield College (ehem..the jeng jeng jeng I presume), Colorado School Of Mines with more than 7visits, University Of Newcastle Upon Tyne, London School Of Economics And Political Science, Campus Network For University Of Warwick, Eircom Ltd Dublin, Cambridge University Local Area Network, Xaverian College (i think this is redza) and beberape yg lain yg pelik. In only 1 day, the stat managed to track up to 30 odd visitors. Hmm....terase tahpape jugak ah blog tahpape ni dilawati oleh org2 spt itu. tak kisah laa.. tapi bak kate abg lan, tinggalkan laa tapak kaki tu ye. heh..

It’s almost 10. I’ve got chemistry class at 10 so better sign off now. Will blog more soon. Have a nice day!

you're the shooting star =)

When we first met, I’d never thought that we would be very close; she is the one whom I respect very much, the one who will always be there for me when I need her the most, the one who cares and concerns about me, the one who will notice my letdown, the one who always helps me in studies, the one who will always feel free to lend her hand in any way possible, the one who will share everything with me, the only one who says the cute phrase “kite takkan gadoh pasal laki kan dina?”, the one with a noble heart who will always understand me, the one whom I can depend on, the one who would open my locker and say “ya allah locker mcm tongkang pecah!!”, the one whom I would run to whenever huda looked for me “dina!! Sapu sampah kat bilik tu!!”, the one whom I would ask “Izy, teman pegi toilet!!” to during prep times, the one who will laugh with me even if she is forced to, the one who always stands beside me and keeps supporting me, the one who will bring me out when I feel like I am a total failure, and she was the reason why I cried at the airport, after our spm results retrieval day.

One year ago, I experienced a moment that I will never possibly forget. It happened during my sweet years in Langkawi. It was one of the finest nights ever when I was nightwalking with Izyan, a very good friend of mine. Spending the last few nights together with her was remarkably unforgettable. While we were walking and chatting, all alone in the dark night, there was a sudden flash of light in the night sky. We were stunned. Astonished. Taken aback. It was the most beautiful thing we had ever seen. It was a shooting star.

Since then, I always remember that day and will never ever put it out of my mind. I’m sure Izy feels the same thing too. Heh.. She has just finished her AUSMAT and InsyaAllah will be flying to Australia to read medicine next February. I don’t dare think how much I will miss her once she’s away. I could never get a friend like her, could I? Well, she’s the most beautiful thing ever happened to me and I won’t forget a person like her. Remember this? It was her birthday =)

To Izy, my best friend, I’m telling the whole world now that you’re the shooting star!! I’ve always believed in myself that you’re the best and always be the best. I’m so proud of you =) And I’m gonna miss every bits we spent together. Thanx for everything!!

You are a shooting star in the midnight sky. The glimmer of the whole sky.

You dream, you think, you wait for the right time, then you, a single star go into the night sky for the world to see.

As you travel across the sky, you leave the hint of your presence behind. You are the shooting star in the eye of the world.

dive into it..and explorrrrre..

The clock is ticking away. The buses will depart at 7am tomorrow morning so I should have been on bed by now but seems like my mind is wandering around, I can’t get my eyes shut. I’m not quite sure what I’ve been thinking about. Not that I’ve been so stressed up or what, it just something that got me distracted. What thing you ask? Haha banyak sgt bende kot. Heh..

I got this quote from a book; “You know how it feels if you begin hoping for something that you want desperately badly; you almost fight against the hope because it is too good to be true; you’ve been disappointed so often before.” If you look through the phrase or rather try to interpret it, you will find it revolves around the feelings of frustration and giving something up. You might say that the person who quotes that phrase did not really obtain the thing that he or she wanted and he or she just give that thing up. But to my understanding, that ‘something’ can also be ‘someone’. It suits very well. Ni nak ckp dina tengah frust ke nih? Hahahaha.. lebih kurang ‘berhenti berharap’ ah. Hahaha.. insaflaa dina oi..

Nevertheless, I did find something that in a way had opened my heart and made me realizes that this is where my passion lies. Not that it is the hidden thing that I’ve been looking for all this while. It just creates the good mood and engages my mind away and put me out of problems. Tadi ade meeting sampai pukul 12mlm. Just meeting dengan kak AJ, Kak Zaffan dengan Kak Mus je laa pasal updates ICAN for the moment. Petang tadi ade meeting jugak. Things are going pretty much good apart from a few things that need to be considered so that they aren’t overlooked. The tension was there but not that intense. So, as I haven’t bloghopped like quite some times and I coincidentally was at my good mood to surf around the net, I got to the binx’s. There, she put up some spectacular pictures that she got from here.

Being spotting, I clicked on the link. Once I’d gotten there, sheesh, I was really dumbfounded!! Ecstasy!! * high * The pictures are sooooooooo cool and some of them did really make me wanna cry. You know why? Because they reminded me of having something that I won’t get at this period of time. They reminded me of possessing an expression that can’t be described by words. The pleasure, the bliss, the contentment and all sorts of that. And I’ve been sitting here, in front of this computer, clicking all those thousand pictures one by one since this evening. Yep, merosakkan mate. Hehe.. It just can’t be helped!! I’ve fallen in love!! Cewah jewang plak.. tapi mmg sgt excited ar. Hehe..

I don’t know why but I appreciate these so much. People keep asking me “Dina ape bende ko letak gambar kat friendster tu..” nak cakap ape pun susah, apetah lagi why; the reason I put them up. To me, of course it’s simple; because people don’t feel the way as I do. But not all people can perceive it just like that. They won’t understand. So the best answer I could give is “=) just a smile”..

I got this from the flickr thingy. It has something to do with 'The Chinese Lantern strikes again..' I don't know. I don't take lit so my interpretation might get wrong. Heh..

This popular and famous 'The Decisive Moment' was taken from Syed's. I looooove it so much that I could spend hours looking at it. Perhaps pakcik Henri tu dah jampi ke ape kat gambar tu, but I am sooo into the picture. Heh..

Anyways, just received a message from Shat "Dina kejut I esok pagi2!!". Hahaha.. me pun kene orang kejutkan jugak kot. Heh.. Ok laa, I think I should be off now. Pray for our safety go and back from the trip!!! I'll try to get as many beautiful pictures as I can (untuk tatapan diri sendiri je senornyer. haha..) Till then, enjoy the weekend!

The Island's Calling

It’s already one in the morning. I should have been asleep by now. We had silat practice as usual and ended around 11. Loads of assignments need to be done so having no choice; I made myself a cup of coffee. Sekarang, tak boleh tidor plak padahal mata dah berat gile nih. Adeh! Dah ar tengah tensyen dgn project manager lg sorang tu. Ngadu kat adam, die kate ‘takpe la, ko buat keje sorg2 dulu’. Masalahnye esok dateline untuk book RC, Hall and whatnots. Khamis ade test bio ape pun x bace lg. Tembak kang budak tu. Geram betul.. Dugaan dugaan..

Anyways, our initial planning of going to Port Dickson this weekend for the house trip has been…canceled! Cewah..x de ah.. heh.. Since most of the seniors are quite reluctant to go to PD because they had been there last year for the house trip, Azmir (the pres) has suggested going to Pulau Jerejak, Penang instead. Yay!! Bestnye pegi pulau!! At first, we’ve thought of going to Pulau Pangkor but since the other three houses are going to the same place (garnet n topaz siap duk hotel same lagi! Huhu..) so we might as well look for our own privacy. Heh.. Then it would be a real house trip instead of college trip. After putting so much consideration, we’ve finally decided to go to Penang and more seniors are looking forward to the trip. The more the merrier!

Here I got some pictures of Pulau Jerejak Resort and Spa, the only resort in the island. One thing that slightly makes me down is, I’m not gonna be able to take this kind of pictures once I’m there. I’ve been dreaming to own a DSLR camera and capture all the beautiful sceneries there but alas, I can’t afford it. ;’( Sadiss.. huhu..

Anyways, I’m quite curious with the statcounter recently. There’s one visitor from Imperiall College, keep returning to this boring blog. I would have assumed the person must be redza’s visitor but then again…duk jenguk blog yg tahpape ni, segan laa plak dengan English tunggang tebalik. Heh.. I don’t mind actually having a silent reader for this blog tapi segan je laa. Heh.. Ok then. Need to force myself to go to bed now or else I might break any glass in the lab tomorrow. Nite!

the most poyo entry i've ever posted! haha crapp

Aku actually cam byk gile keje. Maths melambak2. chem nak kene hantar luse pastu ade test next week. Bio ade test khamis ni ngan next week. Great hall, RC and lecture hall nak kene book for ICAN. List name utk ambik order baju ecotrip nak kene mintak kat Noreen and nak kene print. Board ecotrip nak kene siapkan before break. This weekend ngan next weekend x free plak. Job attachment break ni nak kene pikir lagi. Next sem right after break ade mock exam chemistry. Dah ar terkapai2 lg. lepastuuuuuuuuu..tadi ade isi borang survey ade tanye ‘what grade did u obtain for maths this sem’.. belek punye belek, sume chaletmate aku dpt A. tak pasal2, ade sorg budak tu nak tak nak terpakse tande kat huruf C. tensyen gile!!!!!!!! Hahaha terover laks. Sowiee.. heh..

Sekarang ni tengah musim org bertanye2 result sem. Aku x kesah pun kalo org tanye aku punye walaupun result amatlah teruk tp lawa gak ar. Ahaha aku dpt ABC. Minimum requirement for medic is AAB. Maka??? Maka terpakselah pulun gile babeng lepas ni. Heh.. actually aku x de laa sedih ke depress or menyesal (sket ar..heh..) or tensyen gile or pasrah ke ape sbb rase cam bisa di atur. Tapi sebab bile pikir pasal bende2 lain spt compare result dgn chaletmate ke, pikir pasal nak apply U next year, pikir pasal result IELTS yang hampeh, pikir pasal mum ngan dad lagi, terase gak ar aura stress tu. Agak kuat ar aura tu. Heh.. tp tu la, Allah takkan bagi ujian tu kat hambaNya kalau tak sebab Allah tahu hambaNya mampu untuk menangani ujian tu. Haaa.. ni baru muqaddimah ni. Tengah nak warming up nih. Huhu..

Jap, before nak ckp the main point kan, ni nak cite sket. Tadi, notice board digemparkan dengan satu keratan surat kabar yg ditampalkan oleh orang gile pasal hukum memakai tudung tu sebenarnye bukanlah wajib tapi yg penting jage kehormatan sebagai wanita. Aku cam baca sket tp x smpat nak bace habis sbb ade klass chem.. pastu tadi kat surau kene laa fire balik dengan firdaus. Cayala firdaus! Sorry to say ar tp minah (laa kot..takkan mamat kot) yg letak bende alah tu mmg laa tersangat bengong bangang mereng dan tahpape. Bukan nak buruk sangke tp rasenye kalau nak ckp pasal ilmu agama dah ar takde, tak pasal2 nak letak bende tu. Ape cite kan?? Lain laa kalau ilmu agama mmg dah melimpah ruah and sanggup nak berdepan dengan org2 yg boleh perdebatkan bende tu, tak pe gak ar. Ni dah ar main tampal2 kat notice board. Bukan sekadar memalukan diri sniri, nak tunjuk lagi kebangangan kat org2 non muslim. Diorg sure mcm pelik kenape Islam ni mcm ni. Padahal org Islam tu sniri yg takde ilmu tak de kesedaran tp nak tunjuk macho. Eeee, mmg geram gile.. harap2 sangat laa Allah buka pintu hati dia mudah2an dia belajar balik dr ape yg die dah buat.

Okeh, back to the topic. Hari tu, ade sorg kawan aku ni tanye, ‘Dina, ko bile nak ade pakwe. Ko tak stress ke kawan2 ko sumenye dah ade masing2 punye. takyah ckp kawan, adik ko pun dah ade..’ aku cam agak terkedu gak ar bile die tanye camtu. Ape laa yg die risau sgt kalo aku ade pakwe ke tak. Bukannye pakwe aku bleh blanje die ke ape, baik blanje aku. Huhu..To be honest, aku x de laa stress. Tu mcm desperate laa sgt. Hoho aku x smpai tahap tu lagi. Cinta hakiki pun x dpt lagi, ni berangan nak ade pakwe lak. Huhu.. Tp teringin gak ar. Hahaha kantoi je. Takde, mungkin ni laa yg dikatakan naluri seorang remaja or, takyah remaja pun, naluri seorang manusia yang ade perasaan utk mencari seorang teman so watpe nak malu2 nak elak2 kan? tapi batasan tetap ade, tu memang x boleh nak elak la. Tapi dipendekkan cerite, dina ni banyak songeh. Hahah ngaku jangan tak ngaku. Nak yg best2 je yg x best tanak. Hahahaha alaa semua orang mcm tu kot. Tapi, ‘best’ ni sgt subjective. Bergantung pada org yg interpret tu laa. Tapi dina punye interpretation tu agak poyo ah. Hahaha… dina kalau dgr org bace quran pon dah cair. Huhu.. hari tu tenampak sorg senior ni kat surau. Time tu tengah ade meeting ICAN kat surau. Time tu dah pukul 11 lebeyh kot. Malam ar..pastu nampak senior tu duk sorg2 bukak tafsir, salin ape ntah. Terharu gile… sejuk hati tengok. Huhu..

Kalau dulu time skolah menengah, kalau ade kawan2 aku tanye patut ke tak diorg couple, aku mmg berkeras gile ah ckp ‘jangan’. Sebab? Satu, dina dah ade pengalaman *jeng jeng jeng*. Second, mude2 ni takyah ar berangan, tak sampai ke mane. Third, boleh ke seorg gadis tu ensure yg pakwe die tu bakal menjadi seorg suami yg responsible and mampu nak tanggung keluarga. Time tu mmg tersgt awal utk menentukan bende2 tu. Tapi, sejak melangkah ke alam kolej yg poyo ala2 tahpape ni, ade gak ar terpikir. Sebagai seorang prmpuan, kene gak ar pikir pasal ni. Kalau dulu, mum ckp ngan along ima, takyah arr nak carik sape2 dulu, study lagi penting. Tp bile pikir2 balik, prmpn x elok kawin lmbt2. lebih2 lagi aku yg nak buat medic ni takkan nak tunggu smpai dah jadik andalusia baru nak kawen kan? mum pun dah mula laa ckp bende2 tu. Adoi!! Tak kisah pon senornye. Huhu.. tapi, sejak due menjak ni, rakan2 ku semuanya dah ke hadapan setapak drpd aku. Aish, tak leh jadik nih! Hahaha.. takde laa. Jeles?? Tak langsung. Aku happy tgk diorg happy so ape yg boleh aku buat is doakan kebahagiaan diorang.

Lepastu, hari tu time ta’lim Diamond, kak AJ cakap pasal konsep tawakkal. Tawakkal ni is kite berserah kat Allah lepas kite dah usaha sedaye upaya. Pastu, Kak Mus pulak ckp, ‘contohnye mcm mencari jodoh. Mmg laa masih awal lagi nak pikir pasal ni tapi tahap umur ni la kite kene start berusaha. Usaha tu bukan dengan menggedik2 ke ape tp doa kat Allah supaya dipertemukan dengan jodoh yg baik. lepastu yg lain semua Allah yang tetapkan’ aku pun mcm….kene eh? Heh.. memang betul laa pun. Lepastu kak Zaffan pulak tambah, ‘tapi kene ingat, jangan kita harapkan seorang lelaki sehebat Saidina Ali r.a. kalau kita tak sehebat Saidatina Fatimah r.a.’ Wham!! Ouch..Terkene laa pulak kat diri sniri. Hahaha.. nak orang yg best2 tapi diri sniri masih hampeh, choosy gile tak sedor diri. Cewah. Padahal mmg xde orang nak pon. Hahahahahaha…

Takde, bagi aku, yang penting skali dlm memilih teman hidup is dua2 pihak tu ade fikrah yang same. Allah pun dah cakap, lelaki yg berzina, teman die tetap wanita yg berzina. Lelaki yg soleh, teman hidup dia tetap seorang wanita yg solehah. Habistu, orang yg biase2 ni camne pulak? Heh.. tu x sure laa kene tanye ustad. Tp rasenye x de laa dengan orang jahat kot. Heh.. so, bile pikir2 balik, dina punye ciri2 lelaki idaman ni sungguh laa rumit untuk dicari. Yg sipi2 tu ade, tp diri sniri plak yg x seswai. Hahaha.. takde, zaman sekarang ni, susah sgt nak jumpa dgn lelaki yg betul2 lelaki. Heh..bukan nak kate perfect but at least someone yg sama fikrah dgn kite. Yang memahami and bertanggungjawab. Ade maklamat and cita2. kuat pegangan agama. Dulu thirah ade cite, ade sorg abg ni kat Langkawi dulu, name die ape ntah. Katekan awek die name Dina (ehem..) pastu ade kawan die tanye, ‘apsal ko study gile2 ha sampai selalu gile dpt 4flat.’ Pastu dia jawab, ‘aku dpt 4flat untuk Dina. ye laa, nanti siapa yg nak tanggung Dina. Siapa yg nak bagi terbaik utk Dina.’ Gile cair kalo aku dgr camtu. Huhu.. ye la, niat sebenar dia belajar mungkin kerana Allah laa, tu antara die ngan Allah tp ape yg aku nak ckp kat sini, ade ke laki yg camtu eh skrg ni? Sekarang abg tu study kat US, slalu jadik imam kat masjid, dah ar bace quran sedap gile. Ni bak kate thirah ar. Ade ke laki camtu skrg ni eh? Nak book bleh? Heh..Typical org laki zaman sekarang ‘I’ll do anything for you’ tapi hampeh tak igt dunia. Hahaha.. Bosan.

Kat kolej ni, selalu sangat nampak orang dating. Aku mmg sangat tak faham. Pagi petang siang malam nak berkepit, tak bosan ke ha? Ape yg diorg borak sampai tak ingat dunia ntah. Aku rimas arr. Sikit2 dah ar ni selalu gile, macam laa diorang je yg ade life. Ish2.. kalau non-muslim tu acceptable ar gak, ni yg muslimin dengan muslimat ni, time bulan pose pun nak berkepit. Fine laa kalau teringin sangat nak dapat dosa tapi jgn ar sampai org lain pon dpt dose tengok diorg berkepit. Ish2..bile ntah nak insaf…

Ntahla, malas nak pikir bende ni senornye tp kdg2 tu duk berangan sorang2, teringin gak nak ade someone yg boleh share everything, yg boleh calm downkan aku time tensyen2 ni, yg boleh harap kalau ade pape masalah, yg boleh bg advice, yg boleh gelak ketawa and nangis same2, yg sentiasa doakan kejayaan kita dunia akhirat, yg selalu bagi support, yg slalu mengingatkan kita, yg understanding, yang mcm2 laa! Pendek kate kawan baik kite ar. Betul ak thirah? Hahah.. betul2…

Kesimpulannye, aku rindu gile kat Nazme! Heh.. Rase cam nak belikan die henphone pastu kalo rindu die, call die. Dah pandai ckp skrg. ‘Mak Na’ paling fluent skali ah. Hahaha.. haih..mcm2 laa nak kene pikir. Kerje x siap agi nih. Mate dah terkebil2. Tapi Aisyah nak dtg bilik kol 11 kang nak tanye chem.. Haih…. Mengeluh aje keje. Bile la nak ade kawan baik ni thirah. Huhu.. ok ar, merepek tahpape je ni. Sorry ar kalau ade sape2 terase ke ape, sumpah takde niat nak guriskan hati korang. Ni sekadar pandangan peribadi je k. [note to anid: sorry kalo terase! Heh.. doakan aku..]

Till then..

better service..more tax?

You know what I’ve been thinking of just now? Since everybody’s talking about watching Harry Potter that is being screened in cinema starting from today, there’ll be 2 buses to Mid Valley this weekend. And I don’t fancy at all stampeding into the cinema. I’d rather wait for another couple of weeks regardless being the first to watch! I’m going to watch it after all. Don’t have to be the first 100 people to watch and bragging about that do I? So I’ve thought of going back home and watch it with anid n icah n along ima n angah aya for the midnight show (that would be even cooler!) but since we’re going to JB this weekend, tak jadik laa kot kan. And I’m not available for the next two weeks as well. So, I have been thinking of going when my break starts. And I called anid just now, hoping that it would be good news. But to my disappointment…

Me: Hello anid ko katne?
Anid: Aku kat klcc ngan kawan.
Me: Ko tgk harry potter ke?
Anid: Mesti laaaa. Takkan tengok chicken little kot?
Me: *cis x gune…* Ramai tak? Bla bla bla…
Anid: Ramai gile babs. yada yada yada..
Me: Maknenye aku tgk ngan icah je ah?
Anid: Sorry la na.. icah tengok ngan kawan die esok!
Me: *cis!!!* Maknenye aku kene tgk sorg la kot?
Anid: Haha.. desperate je bunyik
Me: Tak gune.. Ye laa..maknenye aku kene tgk ngan pakwe aku laa kot?
Anid: Ade ke? Advance eh ko ni. Hahah..kalau ade, silela kan.
Me: Cis..perli.. takpe2.. aku tengok ngan dad ah. Dpt gold class jgn jeles! Hahahah *gelak cover*
Anid: Kalau ko berjaye ajak dad pegi mmg ko telah mencipte sejarah ah na. hahah..

In conclusion, mari laa kite tengok chicken little beramai2. Hahaha.. comel je chicken little tu.

Anyways.. my econs class had started last week. Since we’re only going to have about 2 weeks to go through the first chapter and might forget everything during the break (heha!) so Mr. Conquest suggested starting everything after the break! Yay! Memahami jugak pakcik tu. Huhu.. So I’m not going to have econs class this Monday morning and might as well be back to college that morning instead of rushing from JB the night before.

And just now, we started off the introduction quite well. Never thought my econs class would be that fun since all the pupils are basically my classmates for other subjects especially Ozz, Momad and Loh yg same classmate for all a-level subjects!! Boring gile tgk muke diorg! Heh.. takdela, they are funny and brilliant of course. Being in the group, there’s always something to be brought up and has favourable discussion on it. That’s fairly a bonus innit?

So just now, we chatted (not really discussing..it was kinda informal) basically about the economical issues through out the nation i.e. Unemployment graduates, Corruption, a rise in fuel price and other affairs as well. What caught my attention was when sir came up with a scenario where doctors are bounded with the Government (public sector) for certain years before they could transfer to private sectors, which they definitely will. When this happens, the gap in terms of the service and proficiency between the publics and the privates becomes more obvious. I’m not trying to discriminate or being prejudice or whatever but the fact that this is true; doctors in Malaysia are not willing to work in public sectors especially for a long term (and especially during the horsemanship period!! Penat wei!) because of their insufficiency payment and a very inadequate service provided. Thus, they will certainly moved into a better place, which is the private healthcare! You get what I mean?

And for doctors who graduated from overseas, their chances to be hired and get trained in overseas hospitals are much higher than those locally graduated who unlikely will come across such big opportunity. By the end of the day, those overseas doctors do not have the intention to come back to Malaysia due to their well-paid job in overseas. When it comes to this kind of problem, people will question why the Gov could not raise the payment for doctors, right? Apparently, when the payment for doctors is being raised, the tax must be increased as well. And when the people are being asked again whether they are willing to pay more tax or not, they definitely reluctant to do so. That is how the cycle works. Nobody should be pinned with blame. I bet everybody agrees with that. Thank God I’m only bounded with the Gov for 3 years! (time kaceh MARA =)) not like JPA scholars who are bounded with the Gov for 10 years! Fuih..jenuhhhhhh!~

Lepastu ade laa masalah kenapa doctor kat oversea tanak balik Malaysia jugak sebab, lets say that this one doctor kerja kat oversea and has been trained as a gynae. Tibe2 balik Malaysia kene jadik paediatrician pulak. Sebab takde vacancy for gynae lagi. Ape kess kan? Lepastu cakap laa yg doktor2 ni tak berterime kasih kat sponsor yg bg scholar dulu laa, lupa daratan laa. Bayangkan laa, doktor tu is a mere human jugak. Belajar 6-7 tahun nak jadik doktor, last2 kerja seribu 2ribu je. Bukan nak kate nak kejar dunia or materialistik ke ape, life zaman sekarang mmg mcm tu. Nak buat camne. Lepastu corruption2 sume tu, salah siapa? Last2 in the end, Mr. Conquest said, wherever we go, there’s always a relation between this kind of thing and politics. Mmg tak bleh lari masalah2 besar mcm ni dengan politik. So, kesimpulannye.. majulah sukan untuk negare! Haha merepek dah ni..

Hmmm.. I’ve got tonnes of things to share here but time envies me and I have to go. I’ve got assignments to be done and class starts at 830 tomorrow.. pastu ptg ade basketball, malam ade silat pulak. Hadoi penat!!!! Ok, enough crap. Nite!

Art Quote of The Day

The photograph itself doesn't interest me. I want only to capture a minute part of reality. -Henri Cartier-Bresson

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.. nak blaja photography!! Dengki ah ngan henri ni. Ishhh geram!

He's..

..a friend to laugh with..

..a friend to cry with..

..a friend to share things with..

..a brother who can lend a hand anytime..

..a brother who always gives reminders..

..the right person to turn to for advice..

..the right person to run to for everything..

..very well respected..

..celebrating his 23rd birthday today..

Happy birthday, bro. May Allah bless you now and always.

between the distance

I’ve heard someone said; life is beautiful when people you love never break your heart and always paint a smile on your face. No falling-outs. No hard feelings. They just entertain you with their generosity, their stupid jokes, or even with their smiles. But life is not all about beauty and exquisiteness. Sometimes, the person you’ve once used to love is the one who breaks your heart and leaves a deep cut inside.

The worse part comes when you have done so many things in order to get the wound healed and it does not become even better because the person keeps exacerbating things and could not accept the fact that you’re leading a wonderful life. And at this point, you become regretful for meeting such self-centered person and disappointed because the bond of a relationship that used to blossom once ago has broken into pieces that would never ever forge as one again. It hurts you so much.

Yet, don’t forget that there are still people who love and care about you more than you could ever expect. They are willing to do everything and anything, just to make you happy and to make you realize that life is actually all about love and accepting each other because they know what an appreciation means. Sometimes, when you feel like there’s nobody else in this world knows and understands exactly how you feel about something, believe me, there is still someone who could comprehend much better than you yourself do. Allah is fair and His fairness is absolute so always be grateful and thankful for having your beloved ones by your side.

Ramadhan is leaving us, again. We never know if we’re given another opportunity to meet ramadhan again next time. Ask yourself whether you’ve gained good things or bad things through out this ramadhan. And the ‘Eid is coming real soon. I don’t know; I don’t seem to be as happy as I supposed to be. My brothers are light-years away. Angah Aya celebrates in Ipoh, Along Ima celebrates in Tangkak (yes I know. Tangkak-Muar is like 20mins driving. Still…), Tok Mok has moved to Bangi which means I won’t be seeing my uncles (..and don’t get any duit raya? heh..). I just miss someone. I’m not sure who (wuttafish?? this is definitely to make me feel better despite that he's at somewhere I could not reach) but I can feel the lost. Uh, whatever.. hope the person enjoys the eid =)

To all muslims out there, Salam Aidilfitri and Maaf Zahir Batin. May Allah bless us through out the years, insyaAllah. Take care and enjoy yourself!! Yeyey raye!!!

Flowers die. Stories end. Songs fade. Memories are forgotten. All things come to an end but precious people like you are treasured forever. Yea right, Max. Words after all, are all lies.

..and to Him we will return..

I’ve just got back from Surau As-Saad. Alhamdulillah, majlis khatam Quran berjalan lancar. Cuma ada satu berita sedih telah menimpa seluruh warga K-wai-U3M apabila saudara kita, $h@hiru| $y@fiq (N!c0, K-wai-U3M 04/05) received a call from his family just now, right after Maghrib prayers about the passing away of his father this evening. Innalillahi wa inna ilaihi raji’un..

Although I’m not really close to N!c0 but one thing that I won’t forget about him was during the induction week where he told us a story about his untruthful friend. Mase die cite tu, die ade ckp “Takpe la ayah, ni bukan pasal duit tapi ni pasal kawan makan kawan” and he suddenly broke down and cried. When I think about the word ‘ayah’, I can’t stop myself from despairing over the fact that his ‘ayah’ has now gone forever.

I don’t know. I just feel so sad. I don’t know how I would feel if such thing happens to me. I’m not sure if I’ve ever got the last chance to see my beloved ones before they are taken away from me for good. After all, Allah knows everything and He is indeed the only One who’ll decide each and everyone’s destiny. Semoga kita yang masih hidup ni mendapat pengajaran dan teladan dan menginsafi segala dosa lalu yang dah banyak kita tanggung. Sesungguhnya Allah itu Maha Penerima Taubat. May Allah places Nico’s father amongst the muttaqins, Amin..

(And they say, “There is not but our worldly life; we die and live (i.e. some people die and others live, replacing them) and nothing destroys us except time.” And they have of that no knowledge; they are only assuming. And when Our verses are recited to them as clear evidences, their argument is only that they say, “Bring [back] our forefathers, if you should be truthful.” Say, “God causes you to live, then causes you to die; then He will assemble you for the Day of Resurrection, about which there is no doubt,” but most of the people do not know.) ~Quran, 45:24-26

Al-fatihah..

you won't feel the pleasure..

..until you encounter it by yourself.

Actually, I'm not all that interested in the subject of photography. Once the picture is in the box, I'm not all that interested in what happens next. Hunters, after all, aren't cooks. ~Henri Cartier-Bresson

The virtue of the camera is not the power it has to transform the photographer into an artist, but the impulse it gives him to keep on looking. ~Brooks Anderson

A great photograph is a full expression of what one feels about what is being photographed in the deepest sense, and is, thereby, a true expression of what one feels about life in its entirety. ~Ansel Adams

A good snapshot stops a moment from running away. ~Eudora Welty

I just think it's important to be direct and honest with people about why you're photographing them and what you're doing. After all, you are taking some of their soul. ~Mary Ellen Mark

Photographers deal in things which are continually vanishing and when they have vanished there is no contrivance on earth which can make them come back again. ~Henri Cartier-Bresson

If I could tell the story in words, I wouldn't need to lug around a camera. ~Lewis Hine

Often while traveling with a camera we arrive just as the sun slips over the horizon of a moment, too late to expose film, only time enough to expose our hearts. ~Minor White

. . .

. . . I am mad at myself . . .

. . . I wanna go home :'( . . .

. . . I hate him . . . I don't want to get my life involved in his . . . or better still, I don't want his life to get involved in mine . . .

. . . I deserve a better life . . . I deserve my own satisfaction . . .

. . . I like this . . . Thanx to it for brighten my day up . . .

. . . I want this ! ! ! I have to ask Mum about it . . .

. . . I'm stressed out ! ! !

. . . I'm worried about my studies . . . I'm worried about my responsibilities . . .

. . . I want to sleep . . .

. . . I miss Nazme so much ! ! ! ! ! I want to see him ! ! ! !

. . . I wan't to put him out of my mind . . . Oh Lord, please help me . . .

Good news!

I've updated the pictures of our silat dinner the other day so check them out! The bad news is, the pictures are not so clear and kinda blurry. I should have gotten my digital SLR camera by then kan? Haih..excited nak blaja photography ni. Nadya, help me! Heh..

Click here, for more pictures.

Wishful Thinking

I woke up late today. You better not ask when as I won’t tell you. Heh.. Yaya went along the trip to MidValley so my chalet was quite hushed; somewhat ‘lifeless’ and dull without her voice that usually breaks the air of silence every morning. So I was planning to do something interesting for myself. I was not sure what kind of thing but something that could engage my mind away from boredom (is that a right word?). So I jumped out of bed with my mind lingered around knocking on doors at every corners of my brain, seeking for that wackiness of self (sheesh, my language is so lame!).

First thing first; checked email, took a peek at this oh-I’m-not-quite-sure-it-exists blog of mine, checked my friendster inbox and.. ermm.. oh yea, I then took my bath. After that, I started to poke about in the drawer, looking for the Friends dvd. Yea, talking about cracking myself up again. Heh.. And then, when I was about to put the cd on, the monitor just went black! The electricity had been turned off again! Well, that happens like everyday and normally it’ll pick up in few seconds and I did expect it would recover in FEW SECONDS but it didn’t! I asked Ijun if there was any announcement about this and she said “a’ah..diorg nak buat ape ntah. Lagi 2jam baru ade balik” and I was like..what the fish??! 2 jam pulak tu! Ish ish.. tu laa tanda2 tanak bagi Dina tgk bende2 lagha time bulan puasa nih. Heh..

So I waited..and waited for..2 hours? Mati ah.. Heh.. I waited in front of the comp for 5seconds trying to figure out something else to keep me away from all the hours of tedium in between. Having a limited list of things to do, terpakse laa bace buku Narnia yg dah bace like million times tu. And by coincidence, I fell asleep..again.. Heehee.. After waiting (or sleeping? Heh..) for so long, thank God the electricity finally picked up and I didn’t die in all hot and bothered! Heh.. I switched on the computer again but this time around, I was not really in the mood to watch Friends. Insaf kot? Heh.. Somehow I really missed to bloghop like I always did before.

I’m not sure how I got to this blog but the first entry I read really caught the fancy of me. I could not find any resemblance of words like he has in his blog. I just love, like, attracted to or whatever you may call to his words. I don’t know why. Maybe everything he writes suits my interests. Sometimes, things that he wrote even reflect my own life. Well, I wept (not literally though. Heh..) over some posts, honestly. Reading his blog is like keeping me away from my own world. It makes me put any problems I have out of my mind. I wish I could write like him. I wish I could have that skill. I wish I could attract people like he did. I wish I could create such fantasy world and let the whole world knows about it. Oh well..

Anyway, here are some pictures for today. That was during the International Day. I haven't uploaded the pictures of International Day yet but I will soon.

These are my supercool chemistry classmates. The pic is kinda blurry because the cameraman was SETH. So yea, you should expect the pic would be like that. Heh..

And these are my supercool biology classmates except for Munawwar yg menyemak kat tepi tu (the boy in white with a tie). Momad was the cameraman (not like seth so the pic is kinda ok) and Cha was missing in action. We should have possed with Mr Azman skali. Mr Azman rock gile!!!! huhu..my feveret teacher as well =)

Oh..how I wish..

Phoebe: Thank you, that helps!

6 episodes of FRIENDS in a row were so cool! Cracking yourself up is the best you could do when you’re not feeling so right. Yea, I felt that way for some reasons so I decided to treat myself with something nice. Just like it sounds, laughter is really the best medicine. Well, at some certain point, it doesn’t go so right though. Uh, whatever. I just miss home so much T_T

I called Mum just now. She sounded somewhat contented and enthusiastic. I’m not sure what she was up to but I bet it must be something nice. And apparently angah aya was at Bangi with Salma and the family might have break-fasting together this evening. It is just so unfair when I wanted to go home so badly but I can’t because I’m wavering between two things which up until now, I think I have chosen the wrong thing and should have gone home instead. Geesh, I hate this feeling man. Aiyay! Better leave off or else I’ll be moping around and feeling sorry for myself which is not very good. So, yea, cheer up myte!

Mathematics paper this morning was not the right thing to say for the moment. Heh.. I don’t think I had done my best because I think that was the most hideous answers I could give. I should have done a lot of revisions and kept reminding myself that it is not a modern mathematics anymore which could be done in 10mins! Oh well.. GS paper was way better though. Albeit I just flipped through the book and inadvertently not quite reading it (heh..), I didn’t find it that hard especially when it comes to objective questions where you can ‘tembak-menembak’ ;P and I'm glad it's done!

Athirah and Amy came by just now. Really glad to see them again! Too bad they were here for just a couple of hours. Shat, Esah n Fira went back as well and they should feel sorry for leaving me here, stranded in this hutan belantara. And they are having a break-fasting together at OU with Hajar, Sarah and all those peeps. Best gile.. hmm.. Well, at least I’m having a dinner jugak kan this malam at Tanjung Malim. Tapi makan dgn family lagi best kot? Takpe laa.. Next week balik! Yay! Can’t wait to see Nazme =)

Anyways, I chatted with anid over MSN yesterday. She put this one well-edited picture for her display picture and it was really cute! She told me about getting involved in photography and of course I laughed my head off! You know why? Because the other day I told her about this blog by which I got engrossed with all those cool pictures. And I told her that one fine day I might have my own digital SLR camera for my own leisurely photographing activities. And she replied “Dah la tu jangan nak berangan. Doctor pun tak pas lagi..” and if she really thinks that I could not make it, then she is totally wrong. Of course I’m going to work hard on it although I know I’ve got to make my priorities straight tapi apa salahnya kan? Even this one doctor in Singapore writes poetry during his free time so why can’t I do something else for my own satisfaction right? It’s just that I might face the constraints of time which gives me no free times for this stuff. But it’s ok laa kan as long as you have the great gusto, you sure will cope it well. Haih..counting $£$£$£$£$£$£$!

For a digression, I think I’m being tracked. I don’t know but the stat indicated something odd. And the not-so-good thing is, the stat showed that this one certain fella is actually somewhere around this college. Woohhoo spookeeeee. Come on, fella. Reveal yourself!

Ok, have a nice weekend guys!

and my point is?

I’ve just had my long, deep and nice nap. It’s been raining from the noon and I seem not to have enough sleep due to this examination mode so jumping onto the bed and got myself asleep is cool. Heh.. And now, dizziness starts to kick in and I’ve got more or less one hour before the fast-breaking. Lapar!!

It’s the 3rd day of my examination week. Three papers are done and I have another two papers to go! Yay! Alhamdulillah, for the first 3 papers, I think I did them pretty well. Both practical and written biology exam were not that tough since they are completely imitated from the past-year questions which I had answered before! Should have thanked Pejai for those past year questions though. He really helped me a lot. Heh..

Talking about Pejai, I’m starting to look up to him. Not that I don’t respect him all this while. I do, but the sentiment is not very obvious. As a matter of fact, Pejai is one of the Student Council members and he had also made an all-out effort for the previous Ecotrip especially for the Special-Task jobs and he is definitely an academic student. Let just say that he’s excellent and outstanding. Well, actually it’s like this..

Our college (juniors, to be exact) is going to conduct a grand occasion (again??!) next January. It’s called ICAN (Islamic Cultural and Arts Night) and it’s all about presenting Islamic cultures to the Non-Muslims. Albeit it’s a ‘night’, it will be held in 3days in which buckleloads activities will be fitted in. This occasion is expected to be very grand and splendid. They even suggested to get sponsorship from the Muzium Kesenian Islam for the exhibitions and might as well invite any nasyid groups for the performance and whatnots. It might seem as a significant event after the Cultural Performance and since it is a juniors’-mega-project (cewah..x de la mega mane pun), they have finally came up with a list of the High Committees. And believe it or not (I’m still trying!), I was chosen to be the Project Manager *DEAD!!!* I have no idea how they made the selection but despite the tonnes of work to be done, it’s cool though to be the PM. Hah hah hah..

You might be asking who ‘they’ are right? It’s the previous HiComs and Pejai is one of them. And I believe he is responsible for nominating my name! I knew it because he did ask me the other day whether I hold any post in the Ecotrip Committee and fortunately I don’t. And now, something else is going to weigh me down *sigh* It’s ok. I’ll try my best. During our first meeting with seniors, Pejai did give us a lot of advice. The way he talked and counselled us really amazed me. I’ve always believed that he is somewhat an enthusiastic kind of person or else, people won’t put so much trust in him to hold many posts in college. Now, I commence appreciating him as a pet bro. Hahah.. [Note to myself: perlu ke cakap pasal Pejai dalam blog?? Haih..]

Errm..I’m not sure if he is the main subject here but I don’t really intend to say about him in the first place. Heh.. I’ve got something else in mind actually but I think I have to go and take my bath before Aqilah come by my chalet and bebel sebab lambat. Hehehe.. Till then..