"Nampaknya hobi menangkap gambar semakin tertutup rapat. Good luck untuk Erin dan Arep dengan kamera masing-masing dan sentiasalah belajar untuk jadi yang terbaik." -encik niz@m yang sungguh pelik dan mungkin ade sakit mental.
Tak tahu nape tapi aku rase sedih dengan kenyataan yang dibuat oleh beliau. Terase sungguh sentimental sekali. Rase nak nangis. Sob2.. Adoi..
Anyways, I’ve once blogged about my anxiety over my future carrier. And I just realized that there has been an argument about the working hours of housemen.
Sue me if you wish but I will never concur with the current health service the Government is working on. Different people have different views but to think out of the box, housemen are the last people who deserve to be treated that way.
All these stuff, they have been bothering me these few days. So many events cropped up without warning and I’m becoming more fretful from day to day. I’m not even sure now whether I’m capable enough to keep striving on this line. The desire is too strong that I would go for it no matter what, whichever path I have to go but… I just don’t feel confident with myself at times. After got rejected by my first choice university, I cannot assure myself anymore whether I am meant for this vocation or not. I hate to disillusion myself and I want to feel confident with myself but I’m not that strong.
All this while, I’ve been dreaming to further my studies abroad [in the UK particularly] and become a good muslimah doctor and Alhamdulillah, I was chosen to be on the right track. I’ve been given a scholarship, which means I’m beholden to other people’s trust to make sure that one day, the money that I was paid for is worth every drop of sweat that other people are showered with. And with that, I should have gained self-beliefs from every return of acknowledgement I obtained but the rivalry is too intense and never gets any easier. When my other colleagues are worrying about getting offered by all universities they apply to, I’m idly floating in the air, not sure whether to get even one offer. And when they come about with ‘Tu la, sape suruh nak jadik doctor’ or ‘Naseb baek aku bukan medic student’ kind of statements, all I could do is just be strong and be proud of myself for having the strength to go through every predicament that is coming along. They could never experience and understand how satisfying it is to help and cure other unfortunate people in need.
I used to dream about working for few years in the UK, get married, get my MRCPs done, become a specialist and then get back to Malaysia and serve my country with every expertise I gained. But the other day, Along Ima told me that her friend, a King’s graduate and an MRCPs holder is coming back due to the unemployment of international doctors in the UK. They now give priority to the EU doctors. So, that in a way explains why Leicester is now calling for only 100 international students for interview and I’m not lucky enough to be in the list.
The other day, thirah asked me, “Katekan la one day, awak dapat offer to read medicine kat UK and right before awak fly overseas, tiba2 awak jumpe your mr. Perfect and korang decide to get married. The problem is, the guy cannot tag you along to the UK sebab masalah keluarga or ade business besar kat Mesia. And he is just the right person for you and you cannot imagine your life without him. Will you go for your dream or for the guy?”. Within a few nanoseconds, the words ‘my dream’ slipped through my tongue. And I knew how thirah struggled to make me understand that the guy is just the ONLY man and it’s a decision that has no turning back, whether I go with the guy I love, have a family and continue with my dream to be a doctor with a local degree OR leave the guy, study abroad, be a doctor and will never have a family. "No matter what, I would go for my dream. First, kite tak leh bayangkan diri kite in that kind of situation. Second, after sacrificing my whole life for my dream, I won’t let it slip away just like that." I couldn’t even give myself a second thought on that because I couldn’t imagine myself letting go my ultimate goal. But what really came to mind was ‘Am I gonna hold an extreme job and become a workaholic or am I gonna become a good mother and a good wife?’.
See… I keep on thinking and thinking. I can’t help myself.
For now, I cannot just quit, start on my own business and leave my college just like that. Or can I? Hah hah.. No no.. that is soo irrational. You know what, sometimes, the more I think about it, the more stronger I become and this is not the right time for me to give up and the time will never arrive. I’ve thought about it and now, I’m not sure if to not commit to the UK universities is the right thing to do. I’m contemplating now whether to give myself a chance to apply to IUMC or RCSI. It’s not really a big deal actually. As long as I have a strong faith in Allah and I know, wherever He puts me in and whichever way He destines me for, it will always be the best outcome for me. And I hope I will always cling to that belief.
Tak tahu nape tapi aku rase sedih dengan kenyataan yang dibuat oleh beliau. Terase sungguh sentimental sekali. Rase nak nangis. Sob2.. Adoi..
Anyways, I’ve once blogged about my anxiety over my future carrier. And I just realized that there has been an argument about the working hours of housemen.
Sue me if you wish but I will never concur with the current health service the Government is working on. Different people have different views but to think out of the box, housemen are the last people who deserve to be treated that way.
All these stuff, they have been bothering me these few days. So many events cropped up without warning and I’m becoming more fretful from day to day. I’m not even sure now whether I’m capable enough to keep striving on this line. The desire is too strong that I would go for it no matter what, whichever path I have to go but… I just don’t feel confident with myself at times. After got rejected by my first choice university, I cannot assure myself anymore whether I am meant for this vocation or not. I hate to disillusion myself and I want to feel confident with myself but I’m not that strong.
All this while, I’ve been dreaming to further my studies abroad [in the UK particularly] and become a good muslimah doctor and Alhamdulillah, I was chosen to be on the right track. I’ve been given a scholarship, which means I’m beholden to other people’s trust to make sure that one day, the money that I was paid for is worth every drop of sweat that other people are showered with. And with that, I should have gained self-beliefs from every return of acknowledgement I obtained but the rivalry is too intense and never gets any easier. When my other colleagues are worrying about getting offered by all universities they apply to, I’m idly floating in the air, not sure whether to get even one offer. And when they come about with ‘Tu la, sape suruh nak jadik doctor’ or ‘Naseb baek aku bukan medic student’ kind of statements, all I could do is just be strong and be proud of myself for having the strength to go through every predicament that is coming along. They could never experience and understand how satisfying it is to help and cure other unfortunate people in need.
I used to dream about working for few years in the UK, get married, get my MRCPs done, become a specialist and then get back to Malaysia and serve my country with every expertise I gained. But the other day, Along Ima told me that her friend, a King’s graduate and an MRCPs holder is coming back due to the unemployment of international doctors in the UK. They now give priority to the EU doctors. So, that in a way explains why Leicester is now calling for only 100 international students for interview and I’m not lucky enough to be in the list.
The other day, thirah asked me, “Katekan la one day, awak dapat offer to read medicine kat UK and right before awak fly overseas, tiba2 awak jumpe your mr. Perfect and korang decide to get married. The problem is, the guy cannot tag you along to the UK sebab masalah keluarga or ade business besar kat Mesia. And he is just the right person for you and you cannot imagine your life without him. Will you go for your dream or for the guy?”. Within a few nanoseconds, the words ‘my dream’ slipped through my tongue. And I knew how thirah struggled to make me understand that the guy is just the ONLY man and it’s a decision that has no turning back, whether I go with the guy I love, have a family and continue with my dream to be a doctor with a local degree OR leave the guy, study abroad, be a doctor and will never have a family. "No matter what, I would go for my dream. First, kite tak leh bayangkan diri kite in that kind of situation. Second, after sacrificing my whole life for my dream, I won’t let it slip away just like that." I couldn’t even give myself a second thought on that because I couldn’t imagine myself letting go my ultimate goal. But what really came to mind was ‘Am I gonna hold an extreme job and become a workaholic or am I gonna become a good mother and a good wife?’.
See… I keep on thinking and thinking. I can’t help myself.
For now, I cannot just quit, start on my own business and leave my college just like that. Or can I? Hah hah.. No no.. that is soo irrational. You know what, sometimes, the more I think about it, the more stronger I become and this is not the right time for me to give up and the time will never arrive. I’ve thought about it and now, I’m not sure if to not commit to the UK universities is the right thing to do. I’m contemplating now whether to give myself a chance to apply to IUMC or RCSI. It’s not really a big deal actually. As long as I have a strong faith in Allah and I know, wherever He puts me in and whichever way He destines me for, it will always be the best outcome for me. And I hope I will always cling to that belief.
Keep holding onCause you know we'll make it through
We'll make it through
Just stay strong
Cause you know I'm here for you
I'm here for you
There's nothing you can say
Nothing you can do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So, keep holding on
Cause you know we'll make it through
We'll make it through
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