Hold on to the ROPE OF ALLAH

Siapa ni eh? Berbaur perasaan aku. Bangga ada [sebab selalu sangat orang ni mengecheck blog aku. trime kasih banyak2 :)], malu pun ada [sebab tak pasti apa yang ada dalam blog ni berguna ke tak]. Harap2nya dapat la sedikit sebanyak kebaikan dari blog aku ni [Oh? Adakah?].Anyways, first thing first, SALAM MAAL HIJRAH! A little bit late but better late than never! [bak kate orang laa..]. Harapnya tahun ni kita dapat berhijrah beramai2, insyaAllah :)

Hmm.. I really am contemplating whether or not to terminate this blog. To tell the truth, I have loads of things to write about but I couldn’t get myself a good mood for it, even after going through my first interview, which supposedly should be exciting for me to tell. Well, my interview was great. Alhamdulillah, I think I performed better than what I had expected. Better doesn’t mean that I could guarantee to get a place but I was very satisfied with how it turned out to be. It was very very informal and the admission tutor was very very friendly and she was really fun to chat with. Basically it was personal-statement based and none of the questions were medical related which was good. Hehe.. Overall, we just had a casual chat until she forgot to ask me the basic core questions [i.e why do you wanna do medicine? and why Leicester?]. Out of 9 applicants, I was the only one who wasn’t asked with such things. Is it a good or a bad sign?

Anyways, she mainly asked about myself:

• How do you get into MRSM? Was it through an application or did the government randomly pick you? How was it to study in Langkawi? Was it your first time to be away from home? How did you adapt with the new environment?
• Your SPM results seem to be outstanding [which was replied by ‘Well, everyone did well and got excellent results’] how did you get the scholarship? [And then I talked about MARA scholars in KMB] How do you feel studying here? Do you like this college? What are the differences it offers as compared to KMB?
• Did you enjoy your job attachment? Any interesting event you would like to share? [She didn’t ask about herniorrhaphy and tonsillectomy that I put in the PS!]
• What about your curriculum activities? Do they help you in becoming a whole rounded person? How do you find DOE?
• Ow and you write here that you like to blog and take photos. What is blogging? [Hehe.. I basically told her that it is a personal journal on the net that you could freely write anything you like and you often get feedbacks from the readers and form a discussion on certain topics. Doesn’t sound like mine? Hahaha betul2.. but she did look quite surprise with the existence of such thing. Hehe lawak betul makcik itu..]
• [I mentioned about Lupi and Along Ima in my personal statement] So how many siblings do you have? Have your brother and sister been your idols towards becoming a doctor? Have they told you anything regarding being a med student? [I basically talked all about the good things lah!] How about the downsides of being a med student?
• Towards the end, she asked me if I had anything to ask her so I asked about the opportunity to work in the UK after one has done the MRCPs and indeed, due to the new policy which was brought up last year, the priority are given to the EU doctors and what she said was right, it is all up to the Government, the university has no control over it.
  

And then we continued our informal chat. Seronok laa.. Die cite smalam die naik gajah la, mandi sungai la, die siap recommend aku lagi suruh naik Eye in Malaysia tu. Haha.. I think it was the most informal interview I have ever had [mock interview pun lagi susah!] and even if I wasn’t accepted for a place in Leicester, at least I think I had done my best and I’m very satisfied with it. The rest of it is no longer in my authority. Now, I have to let Him decide everything.

Now, here comes the important part..

When I got the rejection email from Leicester, I was very shocked at first because as far as I was concerned, Leicester is one of the most ‘easiest’ universities to apply to, so to speak. Even if they don’t give offer, at least they call for interview for the earliest stage. I was a bit down because it USED TO BE my first choice as I was planning to commit to the university [as in, if I received any other offer, I have no other choice but to decline] but it turned out that I was rejected. Although I still had three other choices, Notts was the only univ I could have been waiting for then. As for Cardiff and Leeds, they usually call for interview di saat2 akhir pertarungan and they give offer quite at a later time respectively. So all I had in mind was Notts and daripada dulu yang tak pernah nak pegi Notts, tiba2 harapan tinggi menggunung alongside other personal reasons la. Hehe..

And then, to make things up, I was being reconsidered for Leicester interview [pulak!] and when my counselor asked us whether we want to commit or not, I was very indecisive. I mean, I put high hopes on Notts and was setting my mind for it after being rejected and then suddenly, everything went upside down. Dalam meeting room tu memang tak terkate ape2. Budak2 lain dengan yakinnye angguk tanda nak commit, aku sampai counselor kene tanye due tiga kali pulak! In the end, ntah apa hidayah aku dapat, tiba2 aku dengan yakinnye cakap “Yes yes yes.. I want to commit”. Counselor pun pelik. Haha.. so there I go.. I wanted to tell some of my friends in KMB who were being rejected as well about this but I thought it would be quite unfair for them so I kept it to myself at least for the time being except for a friend of mine, who’ll be having her Leicester interview tomorrow. Ntah macam mana, berita terbongkar pulak so faham2 je la, pagi2 phone tak henti2 bunyik. “Haa? Mcm mana boleh dpt pulak?” dan segala bagai persoalan.

There’s a friend, who couldn’t accept the fact that I was being reconsidered, she broke down and nangis2 and meluahkan perasaan. Naseb baek aku memahami [cewah!] so nasihat la sikit2. To me, sometimes [or probably most of the time] everything seems easier to be said than to be done. Memang la berbagai nasihat kita bagi tapi kalau hati kawan tu tanak terima and masih melayan dan memanjakan perasaan yang tengah kecewa, kadang2 rasa sia2 je bagi nasihat. Memang la tak baik tp… aduhai. Memang susah kita nak suruh orang kuatkan pegangan kan?

All these people, they believe that whatever may come, there’s always been rezeki and a little bit of luck [though I don’t really believe in luck] but they cannot accept the failure that they are facing. They believe that everything comes with a reason, be it good or bad [hikmah tu sentiasa benda baik..] but when they confront something that they don’t want to, they forget all these things. It’s not wrong at all to feel frustrated and disappointed but if it’s the best you could get, why you should be sad? I mean, if you get an A in exam, it doesn’t mean that that’s the best and getting a D doesn’t mean it’s the end of everything. Come on, be matured la kan. Life is all about an unending lesson. But how can you learn without having this kind of problems?

All this while, aku selalu percaya yang Allah tu Maha Adil because I have experienced a lot of uncertainties which I think I didn’t deserve the rewards [contohnye dapat belajar kat KYU3M. ramai lagi budak lain yang layak. Ye la, I wasn’t one of the top students SPM and tak pegi majlis ngan Pak Lah and Hishamuddin. Huhu..] but things like that do happen sebab Allah tu Maha Adil. And dari dulu sampai sekarang, I cling to that belief because that always reminds me of where I’m standing at a certain point. And I think it’s important for one to have something to hold on so that he or she won’t be lost and always know where he or she is heading. Bagi aku, being reconsidered by Leicester is another test for me from Allah. Samada aku akan bersedia untuk direject lagi sekali atau sebagai satu harapan untuk aku meneruskan kehidupan atau mungkin sebagai rezeki semata2. Of course deep down, I do feel a tad of hope inside to get an offer but if it’s not meant for me, then it’s not. I’ve told this once, “Setiap yang baik yang kita nak tu tak semestinya yang terbaik untuk kita dan tak semestinya setiap yang buruk yang kita tanak tu adalah yang paling buruk untuk kita.” And there is not even one reason for me to feel upset for getting a B for my AS Economics [yep, I’m one of the two students in my class who got B. No, I’m not ashamed of that. My interviewer tadi cakap ‘Oh, that’s very good!’. See, how certain things that we didn’t expect could bright up the day :)]

Ape yg aku nak ckp ntah? Hmm.. kirenye, janganlah bersangka buruk dengan Allah. Allah tu Maha Mengetahui apa yang terbaik untuk kita. Kalau bukan sekarang masanya, mungkin Allah dah sediakan sesuatu yang lebih baik pada waktu yang tak disangka2. Mungkin Allah dah sediakan syurga kat akhirat kelak ke. MasyaAllah.. tak ke indah janji2 Allah tu.

Kepada kawan2 yang masih tak dpt interview, yang masih menunggu2, yang dapat D for business studies [sabar banyak2 ok :)] yang masih ada banyak masalah, yang tengah bengong2 tu, adik2 yang tengah tension dengan IC@N, tenangkanlah diri anda dengan mengingati Tuhan. Sesungguhnya Allah tu sentiasa ingat kat kita, kita je tak rasa kan? Dan segala kekuatan dan keyakinan pun datangnya dari Allah. Don’t ever give up. Keep on praying hard ok :)

“Janganlah kamu bersikap lemah, dan janganlah pula kamu bersedih hati, padahal kamulah orang2 yang paling tinggi darjatnya, jika kamu orang yang beriman..” ~ surah ali-‘imran ayat 139.

P/s: I’m having my second interview with Notts this coming Saturday. Doakan kejayaan bersama!
Pp/s: Tadi nowseeheart datang kolej!! Best la jugak. Suara diorang sedap seperti biase :)

Ittahidu bi hablillah!

Wallahu’alam..