Indecisive to choose universities – You didn’t want to go to Univ N for some personal reasons but you chose it, finally, for some unknown reasons – You didn’t get the letter and the questionnaire form from univ N that you needed to submit within a particular period when everyone had done with it – You got rejected by another university of your first choice, univ L – You started to develop the liking for univ N and yes, you liked it at last – You got called for Univ N interview and you were accepted by the univ – You were so happy and started to plan out your future in Univ N – You suddenly got reconsidered by Univ L that had rejected you before and it was just because you were put on indirectly to commit to the univ – And yes, you were accepted by Univ L unexpectedly – You didn’t have other choices but to decline the offer from Univ N because you were committed to Univ L – After all those strenuous thoughts and gruelling judgments, Univ N is now not even your insurance.
I don’t know what’s really in my head right now but I’m totally sure it’s some sort of disillusionment. You know how it feels when things that you’ve been planning for quite some time suddenly just turn out totally poles apart in a blink of an eye? You just want to question everything. Why this, why that. Yes, I believe Allah is the best planner but it’s not easy to deal with an unappreciative human like me with incessant needs.
No, it doesn’t have to do with my university that caused this frustration. I’m very very happy with Leicester now. It’s just that I was planning for something big today but it happened to be cancelled just suddenly. Someone from The Neverland that appeared to my sight out of the blue was supposed to come to my house for a little get together. So, I told Mum and hoped she could be mentally prepared for it. Ye la, ni rumah parents aku, takkan aku nak bawak org sesuke hati.
So, my mind have been reckoning, you know, nak bagi makan ape, how to make up the table [bukan date or candle light dinner lah!], what topic to chat, how I’m going to introduce that person to Mum and icah [diorg dua je ade kat rumah. Lupi n Dad kat johor..], how Mum would react, what kind of questions to ask and bla3. On my way back to bangi from KL [I was meeting up with Sarah Qil@h M@r M0m@d sume kat sogo], I’ve been thinking e.v.e.r.y s.i.n.g.l.e thing. I sms-ed *** for a few times “You”re coming kan?”, “Jadik kan? Pkl brape?”, mmg tak tenang duduk lah!!
Sekali tu….
“Dina, I’m sorry. I have something else and I need to go to Pluto (bukan nama tempat sebenar tapi mmg sgt jauh la!) for bla bla bla..I'm very very sorry bla bla bla.. I thought yada yada yada. Maybe we can lalalalala.. Please send my regard to your mum. I'm so sorry..” – 21:12:39 110707
-Silence-
-Stillness-
To make things worse, I wanted to reply the message tiba2 batteri habes. So, pegi la charge. Dah penat2 taip, tibe2 takde credit!!!!!!!! Pastu dengan tabahnye, pegi la tukar baju pakai tudung sume terkapai2 nak beli credit punye pasal, tibe2 krete takde minyak and petrol kiosk is like 10min drive from my house!!!!!!!!!! Tertekan!! So pegi jugak la petrol kiosk. Skali tu, dah siap masuk petrol kiosk park kreta sume, lupe plak nak bawak wallet!!!!!!!! Ya Allah, mmg dugaan. Last2, balik rumah je dengan penuh kekecewaan. Masuk2 rumah je, mum tanye, “Mane kawan?” dan dengan penuh kecewa dan sebak, aku cerita la segala benda kat Mum. Sekali tu mum kate, “Laaa nape tak pinjam henfon mum je nak reply msg???”
Alahai…. BENGONGNYE DINA!!!
So, I ran immediately to get Mum’s phone and replied the message. Yang memang kelakar n nak bagi perisa oren dan strawberry kat cerite ni, mase tgh ‘sending message’ tu, tibe2 henfon Mum plak habes bateri and I’m not sure if the person received the msg but if the person did, dia tak reply pape so I assumed the person didn’t get the msg.
…………………………………………
You can just imagine, just for one second IMAGINE how I’m supposed to feel or react right now. I don’t know if I’ve been jinxed or whatever but I am soo tired to handle this situation and this feeling that’s killing me to death right now. No, I didn’t text the person after that and just let fate decide and play its role. The person might think I’m mad and merajuk sbb tu tanak reply msg. If the person wants to think that way, so be it. Allah knows how hard I’ve gone through to just get one moment to explain to the person everything. Biarlah… penat!!!
You know what, people say, humans are always full of sins and misdeeds but when things like this happened, it’s actually their chance to ‘muhasabah’ diri and be penitent for whatever they’ve done. I know and I very so believe that Allah yang menetukan segala2nya and PASTI DAN PASTI ada hikmah di sebaliknye tapi setan ni mmg sgt jahat and buat hati ni ngade2 banyak songeh.
Maka dengan itu, saya ingin tido kerana sangat penat!!
I don’t know what’s really in my head right now but I’m totally sure it’s some sort of disillusionment. You know how it feels when things that you’ve been planning for quite some time suddenly just turn out totally poles apart in a blink of an eye? You just want to question everything. Why this, why that. Yes, I believe Allah is the best planner but it’s not easy to deal with an unappreciative human like me with incessant needs.
No, it doesn’t have to do with my university that caused this frustration. I’m very very happy with Leicester now. It’s just that I was planning for something big today but it happened to be cancelled just suddenly. Someone from The Neverland that appeared to my sight out of the blue was supposed to come to my house for a little get together. So, I told Mum and hoped she could be mentally prepared for it. Ye la, ni rumah parents aku, takkan aku nak bawak org sesuke hati.
So, my mind have been reckoning, you know, nak bagi makan ape, how to make up the table [bukan date or candle light dinner lah!], what topic to chat, how I’m going to introduce that person to Mum and icah [diorg dua je ade kat rumah. Lupi n Dad kat johor..], how Mum would react, what kind of questions to ask and bla3. On my way back to bangi from KL [I was meeting up with Sarah Qil@h M@r M0m@d sume kat sogo], I’ve been thinking e.v.e.r.y s.i.n.g.l.e thing. I sms-ed *** for a few times “You”re coming kan?”, “Jadik kan? Pkl brape?”, mmg tak tenang duduk lah!!
Sekali tu….
“Dina, I’m sorry. I have something else and I need to go to Pluto (bukan nama tempat sebenar tapi mmg sgt jauh la!) for bla bla bla..I'm very very sorry bla bla bla.. I thought yada yada yada. Maybe we can lalalalala.. Please send my regard to your mum. I'm so sorry..” – 21:12:39 110707
-Silence-
-Stillness-
To make things worse, I wanted to reply the message tiba2 batteri habes. So, pegi la charge. Dah penat2 taip, tibe2 takde credit!!!!!!!! Pastu dengan tabahnye, pegi la tukar baju pakai tudung sume terkapai2 nak beli credit punye pasal, tibe2 krete takde minyak and petrol kiosk is like 10min drive from my house!!!!!!!!!! Tertekan!! So pegi jugak la petrol kiosk. Skali tu, dah siap masuk petrol kiosk park kreta sume, lupe plak nak bawak wallet!!!!!!!! Ya Allah, mmg dugaan. Last2, balik rumah je dengan penuh kekecewaan. Masuk2 rumah je, mum tanye, “Mane kawan?” dan dengan penuh kecewa dan sebak, aku cerita la segala benda kat Mum. Sekali tu mum kate, “Laaa nape tak pinjam henfon mum je nak reply msg???”
Alahai…. BENGONGNYE DINA!!!
So, I ran immediately to get Mum’s phone and replied the message. Yang memang kelakar n nak bagi perisa oren dan strawberry kat cerite ni, mase tgh ‘sending message’ tu, tibe2 henfon Mum plak habes bateri and I’m not sure if the person received the msg but if the person did, dia tak reply pape so I assumed the person didn’t get the msg.
…………………………………………
You can just imagine, just for one second IMAGINE how I’m supposed to feel or react right now. I don’t know if I’ve been jinxed or whatever but I am soo tired to handle this situation and this feeling that’s killing me to death right now. No, I didn’t text the person after that and just let fate decide and play its role. The person might think I’m mad and merajuk sbb tu tanak reply msg. If the person wants to think that way, so be it. Allah knows how hard I’ve gone through to just get one moment to explain to the person everything. Biarlah… penat!!!
You know what, people say, humans are always full of sins and misdeeds but when things like this happened, it’s actually their chance to ‘muhasabah’ diri and be penitent for whatever they’ve done. I know and I very so believe that Allah yang menetukan segala2nya and PASTI DAN PASTI ada hikmah di sebaliknye tapi setan ni mmg sgt jahat and buat hati ni ngade2 banyak songeh.
Maka dengan itu, saya ingin tido kerana sangat penat!!
p/s: It’s ok.. If there’s a next time, there will be. Have a save journey! Take care..
2 comments:
huish cepatnye update!!! which one u wrote first? this or the email??? whatever it is, no need for me to lecture in this small box. i've written everything in my email.
p/s: u didnt mention anything bout the guy in white suit? how ironic. hahahaha
i cant remember which one. tgh emotional sgt time tu. heh..
p/s: the Neverland person was soo overwhelming that i forgot about the guy in white suit. hehe.. wut do u mean by ironic??? helllo, tak penting langsung mamat baju putih tu k!
Post a Comment