“You know how it feels if you begin hoping for something that you want desperately badly; you almost fight against the hope because it is too good to be true; you’ve been disappointed so often before.”
And now, I’m fighting with myself against whatever that happens to come into my way, just when it was supposed to be over long ago. But I’m not complaining though. I admit that I’ve sacrificed a lot for it but I guess He is directing me into another channel of solution. I don’t want to create any ‘fighting field’ especially within myself but if I didn’t, it would drag me into a much chaotic situation [emotionally] and I have had enough of it. I’m just wondering when it’s going to end. I’m not questioning what He has had for me, what He has destined me for but I just hope I could be a little bit patient and try to accept everything as it is. Probably the treatment for this chronic internal ailment is actually being open. Acceptance. And pretence is definitely no longer having its position in the play this time around. I’m trying. I really am. He knows it. He understands it. He’s testing me. And I know He has the answer to everything. So, there’s no point of me going around looking for uncertainties. Because at the end of the day, it’s Him who holds the certainties.
My exam results had just been announced last Friday. Alhamdulillah, praise be to only Him. I’ve got something more than anyone could give. I really don’t know how to describe the feelings I had when I got my eyes on the notice board where the results were being put up. My mum and sisters were here last winter break and all I had for my revision was only one week, just after they went back to Malaysia. One week!! Can you imagine that? Whereas my other friends had more than that but not all of them got as what I expected them to get. I'm not bragging or not even near to belittling anyone whatsoever. I know it’s His job to determine this and that, I’m not saying otherwise but you can just sense the presence of other ‘invisible hands’ [no, this is not economics :P] that actually helped you through especially when you least expected it. I don’t know how to say it but… without those ‘invisible hands’ I would no way stand at where I am now.
Oh well.. I’m not going to ‘bebel’ now because it’s 2.30am already and I have a lecture tomorrow and my new semester resolution is to not miss any lecture :P t0k rim@u dah pesan dulu. Huhu.. So, till then..
My exam results had just been announced last Friday. Alhamdulillah, praise be to only Him. I’ve got something more than anyone could give. I really don’t know how to describe the feelings I had when I got my eyes on the notice board where the results were being put up. My mum and sisters were here last winter break and all I had for my revision was only one week, just after they went back to Malaysia. One week!! Can you imagine that? Whereas my other friends had more than that but not all of them got as what I expected them to get. I'm not bragging or not even near to belittling anyone whatsoever. I know it’s His job to determine this and that, I’m not saying otherwise but you can just sense the presence of other ‘invisible hands’ [no, this is not economics :P] that actually helped you through especially when you least expected it. I don’t know how to say it but… without those ‘invisible hands’ I would no way stand at where I am now.
Oh well.. I’m not going to ‘bebel’ now because it’s 2.30am already and I have a lecture tomorrow and my new semester resolution is to not miss any lecture :P t0k rim@u dah pesan dulu. Huhu.. So, till then..
photo taken by n@ili."De Nile. It's not just a river in Egypt. But it's a freaking ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it?"
O Allah! Make my tongue full of Your remembrance, and my heart with consciousness of You.
2 comments:
sabar ok.ingat balik ape dia penah buat dulu? hahahaha jahat gila.. tak2, lupakan je kisah silam. i dont know what to say sebenarnya. ngeheh.. but u know better. i know how it has impacted on you greatly tp kadang2 i tell myself (and ngumpat dgn jue :B) 'dina ni psycho ape..'budak' tu punyela mengalami hidup dengan aman damai, dina plak nak kecoh2..' hahahaha.. TAPI TAPI.. i understand. u know what u should have done but sometimes, we just got defeated by what we have in our hearts. dont worry kiddo, Allah won't leave you unanswered. we'll always support you, u know that..
ya Allah pakcik ni. dia x berdosa k dalam kes yg dah berkulat tu. *cecece boleh lg kaver tu!* ooo ngumpat org je keje. mane tau dia punya hidup aman damai?? sape kate? hahahaha psycho gile. dah2.. jgn merepek k? dina ok je. saya macho dan chill sentiase B-)
jom makan sate kajang!!! :P
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