What is it so funny?

I can’t stop myself from smiling. And to be honest, I’m really not sure why.

I missed my lecture this morning. Again. I swear I really wanted to go. I slept late last night just to get my lecture notes edited and printed. And I know immunology is not a subject I could learn by sleeping. I heard my alarm clock gone off one hour before the lecture, hoping I could read through the notes beforehand and didn’t go blur and sleepy in the lecture but my subconscious mind somehow managed to turn it off and all I knew I was still in bed when the hands of my watch pointed at 9 and 6! Ok fine, I missed Dr. H@le$ lecture!! It’s Dr. H@le$ people!! My favourite lecturer!! Ahah..

But I went to the next lecture though. At 11.00pm. And lucky me, it was Dr. H@le$ presented the talk *big smile* He told us about his Greek geeky friends used to call him ‘Ha-les’ [macam pronounce dalam malay] instead of ‘Haels’ and that brought us, the malay students to call him Dr. Kh@lis!! Hah hah.. Sangat cuteee :D Then at 12.30, I got histology practical pulak. And Dr. H@le$ again!! Oh, what a happy day.. I asked him a question about the nervous system and he looked at me with a smile on his face and said very softly and gently “I’m sorry Rushdina, I’m not sure. I really don’t know. Maybe you should ask Dr. X [tak igt nama doc tu. Heh..]..” and I went “Oh, it’s ok doc..” smiling, as wide as I can. Oh, hatiku sangat berbunga2 melihat Dr. H@le$ tersenyum dan menyebut namaku!!!!! Hah hah hah.. And that made me smile.

Ok, cut it off. Forget about Dr. H@le$ and my lameness. I’m a bit mixed up and I need to find a way to entertain myself. Yep, by being lame!! Oh, I’m so pathetic. I know.

Mum, @nid n ic@h are on their way now. I’m going to pick them up at the train station tomorrow. I really forgot that I have a tutorial session with my personal tutor tomorrow but I would no way leave my family waiting at the train station after hours of journey so I’ve emailed my tutor about me not being able to attend the session tomorrow. I’m quite disappointed in a way though, because after all these months and after one semester passes me by, I’ve never met my personal tutor in person. But yea, family comes first :) And I’m really looking forward to meeting them. It just makes me smile..

I just found out that someone is kinda hiding from me. Well, I don’t know how to put it in the right words but I somehow know that this one fella, actually appear offline to me on ym! Hmm.. Adakah aku ni hantu yg akan memakannya hidup2? Mungkin. Adakah aku ni org gila yg akan mengganggu dan menghantui hidupnya? Mungkin. Whatever it is, it’s none of my bizz and why should I care a toss? He/she didn’t cause me any harm, did he/she? But that’s kinda funny. Hehe.. And thinking about me who used to appear offline to this fella, it makes me smile..

Yesterday, I had a Pe0ple and disease seminar. I’m kinda disappointed with myself. I don’t know in what way but I just am. Haih.. And that makes me smile as well.

Then I stumbled upon a blog. A blog. I mean, a blog. Have I said it’s a blog? Yes, it’s a blog. No, there’s nothing so special about it but I knew the blogger. An old man. Hahaha.. No no, I mean, an old friend. It was a very long time ago and I should have abandoned all those not so sweet memories behind. Well not that I didn’t try but I guess I just need something to hammer my head and wake me up in a reality. But it was kinda funny. I don’t know which part but I did laugh you know, so it must be something funny. No, I didn’t leave any footstep or else I’d shoot my head to death. And thinking about all my stupid actions and words and everything, it makes me smile..

Talking about death, I talked to a friend [ex-friend? Is there any such thing?] few days back. He has always wanted to do medicine but he didn’t make through and he’s now doing engineering in somewhere on this globe. I told him; being a doctor is not always something to be happy about. One thing I don’t like about medicine is I’m going to deal with death, like it or not. Well, it’s very important to be a sensitive doctor who could convey their empathy to the patients but it’s not so good to be a VERY sensitive doctor who could easily get emotionally involved with the patients because it would put her out. And inconvenience is not a good thing while working especially when you’re a doctor. This lad told me; “Well, back off and try look back when you first decided to be a doctor. Death is inevitable. It’s not the reason why you can’t be a doctor. You’ve got this chance and you’re not gonna waste it. Think about people like me who’ve worked our ass off to be in your position but didn’t even get a chance..” Yep, he's right. And thinking about the guy, whom I talked about in my previous entry, it makes me smile.. Believe it or not, we had a falling-out later on. Hehe klakar..

I’m sorry with this emotional and crazy entry. You can call me a psycho if you want but I’m really trying here. Winter break is approaching [Yeay!!~] and mum’s coming [double yeay!!!] and my first semester of medicine is ending [yeay yeay yeay!]. I should be happy. I MUST be happy.

Now, I’m smiling again. But this time round, I know why. I just miss my family :)

Flickr.Expl0re used to be my favourite website. It was a must-surf site. I gained a lot of inspiration out of it and always got awestrucked by the pictures. But as of I got my D70s, I started to put it aside and started to indulge myself with my own ideas. But when I came across this photo, I just don't understand why it didn't get put in the Flickr.Expl0re. It's been quite a while since I last put up photo snapped by others. And this one here, is super beautiful. The editing, the angle, the compo, I just LURVEEE it!! Credits go to the photog!! *applause*

Now, everything makes me want to smile now. Don't get me wrong, smiling is a good thing. Not that I hate it, but I'm afraid it means something else. Hah hah.. Ok, I need to stop crapping and get back to my assignment. It's H@dp0p tomorrow! Yeay!!~