Be tough.. Be cool.. Be macho dB)

It’s 3am in the morning. For the whole week, I’ve been sleeping late, in the wee hour of morning, thinking about shitloads stuff. I’m feeling very blue these few days. I don’t know why. Maybe because my mind is still accepting the fact that my brother is no longer here. Sometimes, loneliness just simply kicks in and images of everything conjured up; my family, my friends. I miss them very much. I’m not sure what has gotten into my mind but everything seems dull and blurry. Perhaps I’m confused with myself or perhaps the world itself is pacing up my life that makes me unbearable of my own life.

When you’re leading your life all by yourself without a person behind to prop you up, who will you depend on to catch you if you fall? But at the same time, you are one of those who keep holding other people up. Don’t you think it’s unfair? There are the people who support you all the time, in fact, more support than enough. But these people are not necessarily the right ones for you to turn to whenever you have problems because they might not understand. Have you ever wondered that in this world, Allah has created someone just for you? Well, maybe that is what people call the true love or whatever. But that isn’t just all. It’s something that you can’t describe by words. It’s like having your second personality that gives you hope to keep walking on the right way. Err, I’m not sure what I’m babbling about, but just try to ponder. Maybe you’ll understand and you can enlighten me. Hahah..

The other day, Mrs. B asked us to do the SWOT analysis. It’s sort of a personality test, well, not literally though. It requires you to list down all your Strengths, your Weaknesses, the Opportunities that could help you up and also the Threats that could stop you from reaching your dreams. She just wants to know us better so that she can write our reports without having to crush the nut! Heh.. To be honest, if I were asked to take on this sort of task, ten minutes or even an hour is not enough for me to make it done. I know it's damn simple but it will take me at least a day. Because I’m a person who is very particular about scrutinising myself so that in a way, I can know myself better and improve the bad parts.

As of listing the strengths, I did foresee myself as a person who'll be willing to help people. Well at least that matches a characteristic of a doctor very well right? And I moved on to my weaknesses. Oh well, everybody isn’t free from flaws so that does not really matter. I just need to look up and try to enhance myself. But as I listed down all the threats, I was not sure if I could brazen them out. They just made me scared of living and thus they made me paranoid of myself. It’s bad to feel that way, I know. I’m supposed to be brave and not afraid to overwhelm them. But……I don’t know. I don’t know how. I could not find my self-confidence within me. It SHOULD be there.

*S..I…G…………H*

I think I need a motivational talk la. From whom you ask? Mum kot. Heh.. But she’s quite busy now. She just came back from JB and tomorrow will be leaving for KB. I even don’t really have time to call her and tell everything. I don’t want her to worry about me anyway. Errmm, Dad? I don’t think he would understand this kind of situation. My friends?? I don’t want to waste their time for my craps. See, that’s the problem. I’m not being open, that is why I’m depressing right now. Uhh.. I think I need a break la. Pergi holiday kat Tioman ke, Pangkor ke, and have a spa massage, walking along the beaches. Hah, what a wonderful life!! *daydreaming*

Ok enough, enough. Wake up, Dina!!! Next week, you will have your IELTS test, and then another 2 weeks you have your semester exams!!!!!!!!!!! Be tough, be tough!!! Come on, you can do it!! Kacang goring je! Come on, 3 subjects only!! *but shitload papers though T_T*

Anyways, just recapping everything from the past few weeks:
- I went to Malaysia Philharmonic Orchestra with Mr. B, Mrs. B, some seniors: Mior, Sit, Brandon, Kak Feri, Kak Anne and kak.. ermm sorry I couldn’t recall the name. Heh.. and also Aqilah. It was fun!!! The music was so soothing and one of the violinists was soo macho. Haha.. The Chaplin’s film was sangat bangang and hilarious too! Heh..
- Last week was the Health Awareness Week! Had tasteless meals everyday. And also had a mini marathon last Sunday that had put my legs into pain. But not as painful as the Samurai event did though. Heh..
- The International Day. The students and teachers were required to wear any costume that represents a country. But most of them did not wear though. I got some pictures to share but they are not with me currently. Need to copy the files from Aqilah. I’ll post them up as soon as possible. It was really cool seeing the teachers wore variety of costumes. And the students too. Eppy (promotion: He’s a diamonder. Haha..) won the ‘male best costume’ award. No need to list the others la. Saje buat promotion =P
- Anything else? Hurrmm..

Ok, it’s nearly 4. I better go to bed now. I’m going back to college tomorrow, and then will have class on Monday and.. SHIT!!! The live saving exam!!!! I’m dead T_T

Nite guys!