The Da Vinci Code

Today has been a very hard day for me. I woke up this morning and thought it would be a very good one. People have been congratulating me for the new position that had been given to me yesterday and to be honest; it’s nothing about feeling happy for the ‘title’ or something I can be proud of. But it’s about having all the cares of the world on my shoulders. Bak kata azmir semalam, jadik pemimpin ni adalah satu tanggungjawab yg amat berat. Amat berat sebab dia kata, jadik pemimpin ni maknanya sebelah kaki kita terletak kat api neraka. It may give people the creeps and sounds petrifying but to come to think of it, this is the time and the opportunity for me to get to know the world better and in some ways, learn new things and be a better person. It’s one hell of a job, I know but as I said before, dalam Islam, nothing is coincidence. There must be a reason why Allah has chosen me and I myself must find out what the reason is.

But the ‘toughness’ does not stop there. The day that I was expecting to be a good one did not come across me. Being scolded and admonished by a person whom I respect the most is the laaaaaaaast thing I ever wanted to experience. I know it was my fault and I admit I was wrong. I don’t blame him at all. I respect his attempt of being that way. I appreciate every single thing he did and I simply can’t find anyone to replace his place. And I even feel very grateful for getting the chance to improve myself.

Maybe without the mistakes that I had done and maybe without the words that he had spilled off to me, I would not have realized how flat or how uneven the land I’m standing on is. But still, nothing can describe how bad I felt. And I’m very very frustrated and disappointed for myself for letting him down and the far more worst thing is letting mum and dad down. Yet again, I know there’s a blessing underneath it. Just need to pray hard and ask Allah to show me the right path. I think I’m starting to know him better now. And hopefully today brings a lot more good things for the days to come.

You know how bad it is to be a sensitive person like me? I am the kind of person yang sangat cepat terasa but at the same time, I don’t show it off. I’d rather pretend that everything is ok and keep the bad feelings to myself. I don’t like to spread the melancholy to other people, especially people around me. I don’t like people to know and notice my sensitiveness (yet, I’m still telling this to the whole world. Haihh..) There’s where my egoism comes from.

That’s why people may have a thought that I’m a snobbish and arrogant kind of person. Orang kata dina ni sombong la, garang la. I don’t mind. I’m used to it. But what really matters is the true feelings inside; how I feel towards other people and how I approach to a particular thing. Tapi orang tak kesah pun kot. Cuma bila dah tahu dina ni jenis camne, mesti cam tak caye. Since I was in Langkawi, all my good friends would definitely say ‘Aku tak sangka ko ni camni, dina’. All I could do is just smile :) hehe.. Believe it or not, I can be very very childish at times, kalah anid ngan icah. Hehe.. but most of the time, dina seorang yg matang la ;p hahaha..

I miss home right now :`( Yesterday anid called me at 2am. Orang tengah sedap2 tidor mimpi2 best sume tetibe ade org call! Saba je la. She just got back from Jasin. So far, she’s not very satisfied with the school. Dia kata current students kat Jasin (from other mrsm yg mmg dah start skolah hari tu lagi) kata macam2 kat budak government. Budak go-go la ape tah. Hahah kanak2 riang zaman skrg. But I totally understand her situation. Dulu kat Langkawi kene bende yg same gak. Mmg ada discrimination terhadap budak government. Tapi last2 ok je. Hari tu call Along Ima sebab nak ckp dgn Nazme. Rindu la kat budak kecik tu. Hehe.. Rindu sgt!!! Next week nak balik ah jumpe Nazme :)

When I was in standard 6, my friend and I invented a code letters that only us knew how to decipher the codes. Haha.. Syok gak buat code ni. Senang nak tulis pape je kite suke without people knowing what they actually mean. Nak mengumpat pun boleh. Hahaha.. tapi dina tak salah gunakan code tu la. Bedosa mengumpat org ni. Heh.. But ever since, I haven’t told anyone about the code. Thirah knows about it but I never actually taught her how to crack the code. Heh.. Nobody besides my friend, Aliaa and I knows how to break it. I won’t tell or teach anyone about it but one day I will teach someone. The special ‘someone’. Hehe.. Bleh berjiwang karat dengan lebih privately. Hahahaha merepek.

Sesape yg nak try break the code, silakan ok. Tapi dah tahu jgn bgtau org pulak. Rahsia negare beb!! Mati ar kalo org tau. Hehe.. K laa..ada assignment econs n chem. nak kene siapkan. Have a good Sunday people!! Tata!