“I was doing my add maths assignment in my room when suddenly an announcement came out from the PA system. “Kepada Rushdina, sila turun ke pondok jaga sekarang kerana waris anda sedang menunggu”. I smiled and immediately changed my clothes. I kept the books in the bag and drag it along with me to the guardhouse. Upon reaching the guardhouse, I could see Anid waving her hand from afar. My parents and sisters visited me at Langkawi before they left for Manchester in two days’ time. That night, we stayed at Berjaya. And that night would always be seen as the unforgettable page in the history of my life.
My eyes were closed. My body was laid comfortably on the bed as if I was having a deep nice dream. But no, I was not dreaming. I was thinking about the next day. Who am I going to depend on to after this? Who am I going to go to when I need to look for my inner strength? Who would want to share things with me after this? How am I going to survive in months to come? Where can I seek a friend like Anid to tell everything about my life?
Yes, that was the questionnaire for myself, which I hardly could give the answers. As I was trying to calculate my own thoughts, I felt the brush of someone’s hand on my forehead. I knew it was him. I could feel the tactility. I wanted to open my eyes but I did not. He kept on caressing my hair and I kept on pretending to be unconscious. I just let him.. until he stopped.
Suddenly I heard the sound of the hinge of the door and I had a quick glimpse of his silhouette before he left the room. And my thought was right. I knew it. I knew it was him. Not long after that, a warm crystal like tear brushed off my cheeks. I knew I’m going to miss him so much..”
Dad is my kind, the one who does not talk much but has so many things to tell and share. The one who might look ‘garang’ and heartless to some eyes but owns a very noble heart inside. The one who looks like he does not care about anything but actually deep inside, he cares more than anyone could ever notice. Yea, he is very much like me. He has his own egoism inside just like me; never wants to lose in argument. We were born in the rabbit year. We can be very annoying to some people sometimes. Hehe..
He can be very garang at times yet he can be a joker and makes us burst into laughter. He does not show off his love to his kids with tears but with his own special way. Every time we send along ima or angah aya or abg amir or lupi off at the airport, he never shows his sadness. Ajuk mum nangis ade la. Huhu..
Every time we celebrate birthdays, he is the only one who will sing the birthday song ‘Happy Bersedih’. Haha.. He likes to hunt squirrels dekat kebun kampung. When I was a kid, I always followed him to kebun to collect fruits and sometimes to tembak the tupais. Heh.. Best gile. But I seldom go there now since I live quite a few miles away from my house and seldom got the chance to go hunting with Dad again.
When I was small, I never thought Dad as more than a father. Although we did spend some times together but I never told him about my life; about my school, about my friends. I usually turn to Mum for that sort of things. Well, not that I did not tell him anything but not as much as I do to Mum. Heh..
Being a grown up girl, I started to learn how to depend more on Dad. Not to weigh him down but to try to learn how to appreciate his presence. As of my years in Langkawi, I started to tell him things and share things with him. Although he does not respond very much, I know he concerns about everything I told him. When I was sick several weeks ago, he would come to my room every night, picit2 my badan and baca doa dekat air. Terharu ah. Huhu..
The other day, I came across a blog, which was written about his father who has passed away since he was small. I could not stop myself from crying because it was so sad. It brought me back to those sweet moments I had with Dad. It made me realize that life is not all about happiness. I know someday, one of us have to go first to move on the journey. But I’m not sure if I’m strong enough to face the time. I don’t know what else I can do to make sure happiness is always on his side. But I do know something. ‘Hanya ada 3 perkara yang akan mengiringi seseorang itu sampai bila2’ and one of them is doa anak yang soleh. So that is the only way and I’m trying to be one. I know I’m not perfect enough to be one but one thing for sure, I will always pray for Dad because he is the only Dad I have and he is the only one who used to call me ‘donut’ :)
My eyes were closed. My body was laid comfortably on the bed as if I was having a deep nice dream. But no, I was not dreaming. I was thinking about the next day. Who am I going to depend on to after this? Who am I going to go to when I need to look for my inner strength? Who would want to share things with me after this? How am I going to survive in months to come? Where can I seek a friend like Anid to tell everything about my life?
Yes, that was the questionnaire for myself, which I hardly could give the answers. As I was trying to calculate my own thoughts, I felt the brush of someone’s hand on my forehead. I knew it was him. I could feel the tactility. I wanted to open my eyes but I did not. He kept on caressing my hair and I kept on pretending to be unconscious. I just let him.. until he stopped.
Suddenly I heard the sound of the hinge of the door and I had a quick glimpse of his silhouette before he left the room. And my thought was right. I knew it. I knew it was him. Not long after that, a warm crystal like tear brushed off my cheeks. I knew I’m going to miss him so much..”
Dad is my kind, the one who does not talk much but has so many things to tell and share. The one who might look ‘garang’ and heartless to some eyes but owns a very noble heart inside. The one who looks like he does not care about anything but actually deep inside, he cares more than anyone could ever notice. Yea, he is very much like me. He has his own egoism inside just like me; never wants to lose in argument. We were born in the rabbit year. We can be very annoying to some people sometimes. Hehe..
He can be very garang at times yet he can be a joker and makes us burst into laughter. He does not show off his love to his kids with tears but with his own special way. Every time we send along ima or angah aya or abg amir or lupi off at the airport, he never shows his sadness. Ajuk mum nangis ade la. Huhu..
Every time we celebrate birthdays, he is the only one who will sing the birthday song ‘Happy Bersedih’. Haha.. He likes to hunt squirrels dekat kebun kampung. When I was a kid, I always followed him to kebun to collect fruits and sometimes to tembak the tupais. Heh.. Best gile. But I seldom go there now since I live quite a few miles away from my house and seldom got the chance to go hunting with Dad again.
When I was small, I never thought Dad as more than a father. Although we did spend some times together but I never told him about my life; about my school, about my friends. I usually turn to Mum for that sort of things. Well, not that I did not tell him anything but not as much as I do to Mum. Heh..
Being a grown up girl, I started to learn how to depend more on Dad. Not to weigh him down but to try to learn how to appreciate his presence. As of my years in Langkawi, I started to tell him things and share things with him. Although he does not respond very much, I know he concerns about everything I told him. When I was sick several weeks ago, he would come to my room every night, picit2 my badan and baca doa dekat air. Terharu ah. Huhu..
The other day, I came across a blog, which was written about his father who has passed away since he was small. I could not stop myself from crying because it was so sad. It brought me back to those sweet moments I had with Dad. It made me realize that life is not all about happiness. I know someday, one of us have to go first to move on the journey. But I’m not sure if I’m strong enough to face the time. I don’t know what else I can do to make sure happiness is always on his side. But I do know something. ‘Hanya ada 3 perkara yang akan mengiringi seseorang itu sampai bila2’ and one of them is doa anak yang soleh. So that is the only way and I’m trying to be one. I know I’m not perfect enough to be one but one thing for sure, I will always pray for Dad because he is the only Dad I have and he is the only one who used to call me ‘donut’ :)
I love you, Dad. Happy Birthday :) 
2 comments:
happy birthday uncle rashid!
uncle rashid: terima kasih..hadiah mane? ;p
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