3 years ago in a library of a school in Langkawi.. while I was thumbing through friendster pages..
‘Aik? Sejak bila h@nim kawan dgn Max?’
So I asked her. She said..
‘Oh, sorry I didn’t tell you. Kitorang dah lama dah kawan. Ada jugak msg dengan dia. Eyh, he’s a nice guy laa.. He always mentions good things about you..’
Too stumped and bewildered to do or act anything, I said succinctly, ‘Oh…’
‘What did he tell you?’
‘Macam2…I didn’t know he’s orang penang jugak. Mak dia orang Gelugoq’
‘Oh eh??? He never told me about that..’
‘You tak pernah tanya kot..’
‘Memang..’ [I know I was a bad and useless gf. No need to remind me of that..]
Few months after that.. the fairy tales ended. Because…I lied to him. I was sitting for my spm trial. I didn’t want to be disturbed and got distracted, so I told him I didn’t bring my handphone [which I actually did. Selfish, I know]. One day, while I was doing some revision in my class, I got a missed call. An international number. And then I got an sms with that number. ‘Hai dina. Tengah buat apa?’ I thought it was Abg @mir. And so, reply I did, ‘Tengah study bio’. And then…… kekantoian bermula.. He replied ‘Owh, mesti seronok tipu orang kan? –Max’
Hahahaha Dina kantoi!! OUCH~
In between, we had some falling-outs and blaming-each-other sessions. Lying to him [well, anyone actually] was a terrible thing to do, I tell you. Regardless what the intention was [which he never would understand], whether it was a white lie or not, the guiltiness inside really killed me to death. But I had my own life [and he had his..], we both walked out on each other, leaving the history folded up and kept at the deepest place, with a hope that it will never be unwrapped again. I lived my life normally and so did he. When I found out about his new gf and the rumours about him getting engaged, frankly, I felt a tinge of….well, should I say jealousy? In a way, agak laa but I was happy and felt glad for him anyway. He really deserved ya$min and he seemed to like Sarawak, her hometown so much. Heh...
When other people brag about being ‘clean and untouched’ [well, some of my friends really do. Not to say that I’m not clean and has been touched! I have a strong pride inside, really], I never accept ‘Max’ as a mistake. Well, in a way, I do because I basically lied to everyone. Be it my family, him [a very wrong person to be paid back, honestly], and myself [the worse..]. But to tell you the truth, the history [him, in particular] makes me a better person, a grown-up who knows and has experienced something that other of her friends have not. I now see things in a more positive way and I learned not to ever lie to my boyfriend anymore even over the simplest matter [hahaha!]. I learned to be more open and straightforward, I learned that life is about give-and-take and I learned that every problem has its own solution, no matter how hard it is.
While other people [talking about people around me] scratch their heads about problems they have with their partners, or about how to reply weird messages they got from a secret admirer, or about choosing the right person, I always have my own mirth, knowing that action does not guarantee everything. Well, I’m not saying that I’m happy while other people are in a mess but when some of these people keep on saying things like ‘Nasib baik aku tak pernah ada pakwe. Sejarah aku putih lagi’ and too proud of that, I actually feel really pity for them for not having a chance to be exposed to a more meaningful experience. But it’s not their fault though. They will have their own time to learn all that and that’s just a simple life is all about, an unending lesson. Cumanya, takyah ar nak bangga2 sangat kan? And in a way makes me look like a fool with a ‘black history’ so to speak.
But anyhow…let’s just keep that to them.
Last week, while I was in Penang and when I came across ‘Gelugoq’ signboard, all those uninvited past events made an ambush on me. To be honest to myself, I really regret for letting a FRIEND go even though that is not what I really asked for. But unfortunately, that was what he chose; breaking a bond that once had coalesced. He changed everything, from his handphone number to his e-mail address. It means to say that he’s totally gone and I really haven’t the remotest idea how to contact or reach him. I’ve known him since 6 years ago and I have to say that he was not like other guys. He was special in his own way. It was just that we lacked of understandings and things that he wanted were opposed to what I wanted. But being me, I really believe and put a high hope in friendships. To me, once a friend, forever a friend. But that’s not how his perception goes.
So when I was in Penang, I thought of searching for him from a scratch; whichever way I have. I searched him in friendster [just like how I met Aimr@n back after 7 years of missing. I made a new account just for this stupid purpose. No, I’m not going to activate it again..] but as ever, it was in vain. I searched all his friends that I know from A to Z but zilch was only I got [maybe I got the name spelled wrongly]. Ntah macam mana, I remembered kak N@em, Max’s friend’s girlfriend [fewh~] and dia ada dalam search list tu! So I added her as my friend.
The stupid thing was………I messaged her.
‘Hai kak n@em. Nak tanye, alamat UGM ape? I got a friend there tp dah lama tak contact so I was thinking of writing HER a letter or whatever. Do you know ya$min? She’s probably in her 3rd or 4th year..’
I have no idea why I wrote that. Hahaha.. The funny part is, kak n@em did not even ask who I was [a complete stranger who has nobody in her friend list!! Kuikui..] and replied..
‘Helo.. ada sorang tu nama ya$min. Orang Sarawak. Ya$min yang putih2 ke? Dia 4th year clinical sekarang [Max must be in the same year jugak la kan..] Alamat ugm? Alamak, tak ingat laa.. nanti akak msg balik..’
And a few minutes later, she gave me the address. And I replied..
‘Aik? Salah orang kot. The one whom I talked about is orang penang [I just wrote that unintentionally! Serious tak tipu!]. Ha’ah putih2 pakai specs [no, ya$min does not wear specs tapi sebab nak cover, kene la tipu sket! Heh..]. Salah orang kot..takpe laa.. Maybe orang lain. But thanx for the add anyway..’
‘Rasanya dah takde ya$min lain dah. Boyfriend dia orang penang la..[shite!!! Kenapa mesti cakap pasal bf die!!!]’
Jeng jeng jeng……
‘Oh.. actually I’m not sure which u she’s in, either ugm or Univ. Ha$anuddin [cover2!! bajet gile!! Haha..] maybe my friend to dekat u lagi satu kot..takpe la kak n@em, thanx for all the info. All d best in life..’
And she hasn’t replied anything yet..
The bottom line is, I feel really STEWPID! Now, I’m regretting for starting everything in the first place and I’m not going to send anything to the address. Let bygone be bygone la kan? I should have done anything!! See, this is when stupidity outstrips the intelligence! Bodoh kan?? Tu la dina… Terlalu ikut hati dan perasaan.
DRAT!
I hope she doesn’t tell ya$min. And I hope he’s happy. Maybe I’m expecting a wedding invitation card? Who knows?
‘Aik? Sejak bila h@nim kawan dgn Max?’
So I asked her. She said..
‘Oh, sorry I didn’t tell you. Kitorang dah lama dah kawan. Ada jugak msg dengan dia. Eyh, he’s a nice guy laa.. He always mentions good things about you..’
Too stumped and bewildered to do or act anything, I said succinctly, ‘Oh…’
‘What did he tell you?’
‘Macam2…I didn’t know he’s orang penang jugak. Mak dia orang Gelugoq’
‘Oh eh??? He never told me about that..’
‘You tak pernah tanya kot..’
‘Memang..’ [I know I was a bad and useless gf. No need to remind me of that..]
Few months after that.. the fairy tales ended. Because…I lied to him. I was sitting for my spm trial. I didn’t want to be disturbed and got distracted, so I told him I didn’t bring my handphone [which I actually did. Selfish, I know]. One day, while I was doing some revision in my class, I got a missed call. An international number. And then I got an sms with that number. ‘Hai dina. Tengah buat apa?’ I thought it was Abg @mir. And so, reply I did, ‘Tengah study bio’. And then…… kekantoian bermula.. He replied ‘Owh, mesti seronok tipu orang kan? –Max’
Hahahaha Dina kantoi!! OUCH~
In between, we had some falling-outs and blaming-each-other sessions. Lying to him [well, anyone actually] was a terrible thing to do, I tell you. Regardless what the intention was [which he never would understand], whether it was a white lie or not, the guiltiness inside really killed me to death. But I had my own life [and he had his..], we both walked out on each other, leaving the history folded up and kept at the deepest place, with a hope that it will never be unwrapped again. I lived my life normally and so did he. When I found out about his new gf and the rumours about him getting engaged, frankly, I felt a tinge of….well, should I say jealousy? In a way, agak laa but I was happy and felt glad for him anyway. He really deserved ya$min and he seemed to like Sarawak, her hometown so much. Heh...
When other people brag about being ‘clean and untouched’ [well, some of my friends really do. Not to say that I’m not clean and has been touched! I have a strong pride inside, really], I never accept ‘Max’ as a mistake. Well, in a way, I do because I basically lied to everyone. Be it my family, him [a very wrong person to be paid back, honestly], and myself [the worse..]. But to tell you the truth, the history [him, in particular] makes me a better person, a grown-up who knows and has experienced something that other of her friends have not. I now see things in a more positive way and I learned not to ever lie to my boyfriend anymore even over the simplest matter [hahaha!]. I learned to be more open and straightforward, I learned that life is about give-and-take and I learned that every problem has its own solution, no matter how hard it is.
While other people [talking about people around me] scratch their heads about problems they have with their partners, or about how to reply weird messages they got from a secret admirer, or about choosing the right person, I always have my own mirth, knowing that action does not guarantee everything. Well, I’m not saying that I’m happy while other people are in a mess but when some of these people keep on saying things like ‘Nasib baik aku tak pernah ada pakwe. Sejarah aku putih lagi’ and too proud of that, I actually feel really pity for them for not having a chance to be exposed to a more meaningful experience. But it’s not their fault though. They will have their own time to learn all that and that’s just a simple life is all about, an unending lesson. Cumanya, takyah ar nak bangga2 sangat kan? And in a way makes me look like a fool with a ‘black history’ so to speak.
But anyhow…let’s just keep that to them.
Last week, while I was in Penang and when I came across ‘Gelugoq’ signboard, all those uninvited past events made an ambush on me. To be honest to myself, I really regret for letting a FRIEND go even though that is not what I really asked for. But unfortunately, that was what he chose; breaking a bond that once had coalesced. He changed everything, from his handphone number to his e-mail address. It means to say that he’s totally gone and I really haven’t the remotest idea how to contact or reach him. I’ve known him since 6 years ago and I have to say that he was not like other guys. He was special in his own way. It was just that we lacked of understandings and things that he wanted were opposed to what I wanted. But being me, I really believe and put a high hope in friendships. To me, once a friend, forever a friend. But that’s not how his perception goes.
So when I was in Penang, I thought of searching for him from a scratch; whichever way I have. I searched him in friendster [just like how I met Aimr@n back after 7 years of missing. I made a new account just for this stupid purpose. No, I’m not going to activate it again..] but as ever, it was in vain. I searched all his friends that I know from A to Z but zilch was only I got [maybe I got the name spelled wrongly]. Ntah macam mana, I remembered kak N@em, Max’s friend’s girlfriend [fewh~] and dia ada dalam search list tu! So I added her as my friend.
The stupid thing was………I messaged her.
‘Hai kak n@em. Nak tanye, alamat UGM ape? I got a friend there tp dah lama tak contact so I was thinking of writing HER a letter or whatever. Do you know ya$min? She’s probably in her 3rd or 4th year..’
I have no idea why I wrote that. Hahaha.. The funny part is, kak n@em did not even ask who I was [a complete stranger who has nobody in her friend list!! Kuikui..] and replied..
‘Helo.. ada sorang tu nama ya$min. Orang Sarawak. Ya$min yang putih2 ke? Dia 4th year clinical sekarang [Max must be in the same year jugak la kan..] Alamat ugm? Alamak, tak ingat laa.. nanti akak msg balik..’
And a few minutes later, she gave me the address. And I replied..
‘Aik? Salah orang kot. The one whom I talked about is orang penang [I just wrote that unintentionally! Serious tak tipu!]. Ha’ah putih2 pakai specs [no, ya$min does not wear specs tapi sebab nak cover, kene la tipu sket! Heh..]. Salah orang kot..takpe laa.. Maybe orang lain. But thanx for the add anyway..’
‘Rasanya dah takde ya$min lain dah. Boyfriend dia orang penang la..[shite!!! Kenapa mesti cakap pasal bf die!!!]’
Jeng jeng jeng……
‘Oh.. actually I’m not sure which u she’s in, either ugm or Univ. Ha$anuddin [cover2!! bajet gile!! Haha..] maybe my friend to dekat u lagi satu kot..takpe la kak n@em, thanx for all the info. All d best in life..’
And she hasn’t replied anything yet..
The bottom line is, I feel really STEWPID! Now, I’m regretting for starting everything in the first place and I’m not going to send anything to the address. Let bygone be bygone la kan? I should have done anything!! See, this is when stupidity outstrips the intelligence! Bodoh kan?? Tu la dina… Terlalu ikut hati dan perasaan.
DRAT!
I hope she doesn’t tell ya$min. And I hope he’s happy. Maybe I’m expecting a wedding invitation card? Who knows?
Another shot taken by me..
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