Someone had let me down today. My whole plan for today was disrupted. There is nothing left within myself to be perceived at this moment. Everything seems disappointing. I have never thought to receive such news. It’s like having my wish undone. It’s like seeing my white hope fly away. Unutterably hurt..
I admit wholeheartedly, he was the guy I’ve always wanted to be with, if I must say that. I told some of my friends about him. I even told mum and anid about him, feeling very proud to stand him out because he really is a great guy. But being me, I’ve always kept that to myself. Until I have to let everything go, I’ve never felt regretful whatsoever even though I had to accept the bitter part of the truth. I don’t mind because my 2-semester stint here in college was one of the most memorable moments I’ve ever had. Of course I felt frustrated like hell but knowing that this place was once a witness to such an unforgettable friendship, I’d feel more than glad to see things go on their own pace and speak with their own words. He has taught me so much about life and I got nothing else to be thankful for but him.
Although it took me quite a while to stabilize myself and get settled in after everything was over, I still kept on praying for his success. Because for some reasons, it was my own wish to see him being a person he wanted to be one day. My hope was to see him at least for the last time when he retrieves his results next Thursday with the most delightful face ever and knowing that he finally got his dream fulfilled would be more than enough than what I hoped for him and myself. And I somehow believe that he actually deserved more than what he had.
But after today, I’m not sure anymore if I can keep on hoping to see my wish be materialized. I’m not sure anymore if I can be one of the happiest persons in the next few days. I’m not sure anymore if I can see his happy face again. And I’m just afraid to confront the reality and I myself can’t still believe the news I heard on the grapevine.
The Diam0nd House conducted today’s assembly. So, while I was busying myself just now, somebody came over me and said, “Dina, dia tak dapat fly..”. I was like… “WHAT?!”. “Tak sure whether he didn’t pass the petr0nas requirement or ape but that is what I heard..”. I was like……… “NOOO! God, please tell me this is not true..!”. I felt like crying at that spot. Everything was like sooo murky and unbelievable. I don’t know…
I asked a few of my friends and they told me the same thing. I wanted to ask him myself but I don’t know how. Well, ade la email and boleh je nak tanye die but I don’t know. I feel not to.. I don't have the guts. Maybe in a way because I don’t want to get involved in the thing anymore or maybe because I am still coping up with the uncertainties. Ntahlaa…
But what made me proud of him was what he said to sh@k about his results. “Results aku tak ok sangat tapi alhamdulillah laa..”. I was like, “How come he can still say alhamdulillah when he knew he cannot fly?”. Yea I know, I’m such an ungrateful person. But saying something that you have never wished for really shows the bravery and I’m touched and proud of him, really. For now, I just hope everything was not true… Allah knows what is best for him.
I admit wholeheartedly, he was the guy I’ve always wanted to be with, if I must say that. I told some of my friends about him. I even told mum and anid about him, feeling very proud to stand him out because he really is a great guy. But being me, I’ve always kept that to myself. Until I have to let everything go, I’ve never felt regretful whatsoever even though I had to accept the bitter part of the truth. I don’t mind because my 2-semester stint here in college was one of the most memorable moments I’ve ever had. Of course I felt frustrated like hell but knowing that this place was once a witness to such an unforgettable friendship, I’d feel more than glad to see things go on their own pace and speak with their own words. He has taught me so much about life and I got nothing else to be thankful for but him.
Although it took me quite a while to stabilize myself and get settled in after everything was over, I still kept on praying for his success. Because for some reasons, it was my own wish to see him being a person he wanted to be one day. My hope was to see him at least for the last time when he retrieves his results next Thursday with the most delightful face ever and knowing that he finally got his dream fulfilled would be more than enough than what I hoped for him and myself. And I somehow believe that he actually deserved more than what he had.
But after today, I’m not sure anymore if I can keep on hoping to see my wish be materialized. I’m not sure anymore if I can be one of the happiest persons in the next few days. I’m not sure anymore if I can see his happy face again. And I’m just afraid to confront the reality and I myself can’t still believe the news I heard on the grapevine.
The Diam0nd House conducted today’s assembly. So, while I was busying myself just now, somebody came over me and said, “Dina, dia tak dapat fly..”. I was like… “WHAT?!”. “Tak sure whether he didn’t pass the petr0nas requirement or ape but that is what I heard..”. I was like……… “NOOO! God, please tell me this is not true..!”. I felt like crying at that spot. Everything was like sooo murky and unbelievable. I don’t know…
I asked a few of my friends and they told me the same thing. I wanted to ask him myself but I don’t know how. Well, ade la email and boleh je nak tanye die but I don’t know. I feel not to.. I don't have the guts. Maybe in a way because I don’t want to get involved in the thing anymore or maybe because I am still coping up with the uncertainties. Ntahlaa…
But what made me proud of him was what he said to sh@k about his results. “Results aku tak ok sangat tapi alhamdulillah laa..”. I was like, “How come he can still say alhamdulillah when he knew he cannot fly?”. Yea I know, I’m such an ungrateful person. But saying something that you have never wished for really shows the bravery and I’m touched and proud of him, really. For now, I just hope everything was not true… Allah knows what is best for him.
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