Within 3 days, my inbox is occupied with almost 40 messages from p@m, my pet sis, in which 3 full-pages at the least. That’s a lot ok. Heh.. One would have wondered what we’ve been sms-ing about. I myself was a bit shocked jugak laa tengok inbox penuh dengan name p@m. Haha.. But she’s a nice girl la. Very outspoken, friendly and open. I like that kind of person, because she makes an introvert and quite person like me to be like her in a way. And reading through all those messages really reminds me of the old memories I had with anid.
I’ve been living my life with her presence since I was three and we’ve known each other more than anyone else do. We used to hang out together, chatted and talked all night, checking up on each other and basically knew what happened on each other. We did have falling-outs once in a while and that what really makes us close. She knows all my crushes, replying my friends’ emails, answering phone calls for me [people always got confused with my voice and hers..] and so many other things. When we were kids, mum always sewn same baju raya for us and people always got mixed up on who was older than who. I was definitely always being the younger one. Ahaks..
It’s been a while since I last talked to anid about my life in college. Since she got the offer to study in boarding school, we seldom had times to spend on gossiping and chatting. She’s always been the place for me to pour anything out to but things have changed a lot and so has she. I know she must have been growing up since but we’re not as close as we used to be. I don’t want and don’t like to be sentimental over this thing, you know but I just couldn’t help myself sometimes. I miss the old anid. Sometimes I wish she would always be immature to laugh over my stupid and lame jokes. I wish she would always be my little sister. But I know I couldn’t stop her from growing up. And I know I couldn’t expect the past to recur.
Well, I found something in my old diary the other day; the email that caused M@x and me to break up couple of years back. It was anid who sent it. At first I was quite mad with what she did but reading through it had opened my eyes how anid cared and concerned about me back then. And that really touches my heart. I don’t mind to write this thing all over again. Cerita lama pun so tak kesah laa..
“Assalamualaikum…
Herm..how shall I start.. Ok, ni adik dina, anid. [yea, her names is the backward spelled of my name. Heh..] I think we have met once [during angah aya’s wedding, m@x came over] but then again, I just have that strong feeling that you won’t be remembering me anyhow.. It is understood anyway.. Ok, first thing first, I just wanna tell you that I don’t really think that this relationship between you and dina is gonna be the successful one [she’s really a forecaster. Haha..].. I know I don’t have the rights to actually say that because I don’t even know what you guys have really been through all this while.. Honestly, as dina’s sis who has been living with her for the past 13 years, I know her very well.. All this while, she has never considered you as more than a best friend.. You have been forcing her to love you without you realizing it yourself.. How self-centered is that?? [Well, that’s a bit harsh I think. Heh..] I’m not saying that she’s not happy being with you, however, she’s not happy being with you as more than a friend. Please.. I beg you. Don’t let her suffer like this. Don’t let her be someone who is not herself. She’s been making your life better. Well, I think it’s the time for you to make her life better instead. She’s the only person whom I could be free to talk with and I don’t want her to make my life calmed down while she’s not having one. You know what, I’ve heard a quotation saying, ‘if you love someone, let her free.. if she comes back, then she is born to be yours.. but if she doesn’t, she was never yours and would never be..’. Love sometimes can be something stupid huh??! So if you really love her that much, set her free and we’ll see what will be happening next. I’m so sorry if I’ve offended you in any ways. It seems like I have no choice. She’s not dina whom I used to know. I had enough with her suffer. It’s the time for me to speak up. I think it’s for the best. I know, you might have been thinking that I’m just a kid who doesn’t know anything but I actually DO!! Sorry once again.. Wish you all the best in all your undertakings.. Hope to see you again, someday I guess. Till then, take care. Assalamualaikum.. Bye..
P/S: dina has got nothing to do with this.. I’m the one who deleted all those horrifying testimonials [it’s a long story but after we’d been apart for almost 2 years (2003), I actually found him back in friendster by accident..]. This is not some jealousy kinda thing and I hope you haven’t been thinking so. Thank you very very much for your time. Someone needs some space and you could be the one who would be giving it. And you can’t even tell what could it lead to. Just pray for the best. Sorry if I’ve been crapping out but I know a gentleman like you could actually understand…”
I’ve been living my life with her presence since I was three and we’ve known each other more than anyone else do. We used to hang out together, chatted and talked all night, checking up on each other and basically knew what happened on each other. We did have falling-outs once in a while and that what really makes us close. She knows all my crushes, replying my friends’ emails, answering phone calls for me [people always got confused with my voice and hers..] and so many other things. When we were kids, mum always sewn same baju raya for us and people always got mixed up on who was older than who. I was definitely always being the younger one. Ahaks..
It’s been a while since I last talked to anid about my life in college. Since she got the offer to study in boarding school, we seldom had times to spend on gossiping and chatting. She’s always been the place for me to pour anything out to but things have changed a lot and so has she. I know she must have been growing up since but we’re not as close as we used to be. I don’t want and don’t like to be sentimental over this thing, you know but I just couldn’t help myself sometimes. I miss the old anid. Sometimes I wish she would always be immature to laugh over my stupid and lame jokes. I wish she would always be my little sister. But I know I couldn’t stop her from growing up. And I know I couldn’t expect the past to recur.
Well, I found something in my old diary the other day; the email that caused M@x and me to break up couple of years back. It was anid who sent it. At first I was quite mad with what she did but reading through it had opened my eyes how anid cared and concerned about me back then. And that really touches my heart. I don’t mind to write this thing all over again. Cerita lama pun so tak kesah laa..
“Assalamualaikum…
Herm..how shall I start.. Ok, ni adik dina, anid. [yea, her names is the backward spelled of my name. Heh..] I think we have met once [during angah aya’s wedding, m@x came over] but then again, I just have that strong feeling that you won’t be remembering me anyhow.. It is understood anyway.. Ok, first thing first, I just wanna tell you that I don’t really think that this relationship between you and dina is gonna be the successful one [she’s really a forecaster. Haha..].. I know I don’t have the rights to actually say that because I don’t even know what you guys have really been through all this while.. Honestly, as dina’s sis who has been living with her for the past 13 years, I know her very well.. All this while, she has never considered you as more than a best friend.. You have been forcing her to love you without you realizing it yourself.. How self-centered is that?? [Well, that’s a bit harsh I think. Heh..] I’m not saying that she’s not happy being with you, however, she’s not happy being with you as more than a friend. Please.. I beg you. Don’t let her suffer like this. Don’t let her be someone who is not herself. She’s been making your life better. Well, I think it’s the time for you to make her life better instead. She’s the only person whom I could be free to talk with and I don’t want her to make my life calmed down while she’s not having one. You know what, I’ve heard a quotation saying, ‘if you love someone, let her free.. if she comes back, then she is born to be yours.. but if she doesn’t, she was never yours and would never be..’. Love sometimes can be something stupid huh??! So if you really love her that much, set her free and we’ll see what will be happening next. I’m so sorry if I’ve offended you in any ways. It seems like I have no choice. She’s not dina whom I used to know. I had enough with her suffer. It’s the time for me to speak up. I think it’s for the best. I know, you might have been thinking that I’m just a kid who doesn’t know anything but I actually DO!! Sorry once again.. Wish you all the best in all your undertakings.. Hope to see you again, someday I guess. Till then, take care. Assalamualaikum.. Bye..
P/S: dina has got nothing to do with this.. I’m the one who deleted all those horrifying testimonials [it’s a long story but after we’d been apart for almost 2 years (2003), I actually found him back in friendster by accident..]. This is not some jealousy kinda thing and I hope you haven’t been thinking so. Thank you very very much for your time. Someone needs some space and you could be the one who would be giving it. And you can’t even tell what could it lead to. Just pray for the best. Sorry if I’ve been crapping out but I know a gentleman like you could actually understand…”
Well, for what he replied, let’s just keep it obscure. It would have been spelled the end of something beautiful..
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