It’s good to be back home. It’s good to be out of college for a while. It’s good to meet up those alumni people. It’s good to see p@k @ry and the gang back. It’s good to see Lupi at home. And it’s good to see him back.
I just got back home from the renungan esq at hotel istana. Alhamdulillah, setelah berpenat lelah mencari transport balik, last2 dpt jugak pergi. Rasa seronok sangat dapat join. For once, I feel the freedom of being away from studies and exams. And the choice of getting away from whatever problems I’m facing right now.
But I’m going back to college tomorrow though. Since this is going to be my last weekend at college, my chaletmates are planning to do some nasty stuff so yea, I have to be around as well. Haih.. And since the awards day is to be held on this 16th on which I would impossibly to make it, I just want to spend some more time with my friends in college. Yep, just a FEW more days to go and I’ll be a college leaver with a vague future waiting ahead.
It’s gona take me days to get over everything. I mean, handling emotions especially at right this moment is not something within my capabilities. It’s hard to abscond from a place that has been MY 2-YEAR LIFE and those beloved friends and teachers who have been beside all way through. They have been great teachers. Couldn’t ask for more. I’m not expecting anything from anyone since I’m going to leave a little bit earlier but it’s expected to be difficult to leave them behind.
I want to leave the college with happy feelings. I don’t want to owe anybody be it financially, emotionally or physically. And I’m not looking forward to apologies like “Dina, I’m sorry for stealing your umbrella.. sorry for reading your blog all this while silently.. sorry for talking shit behind your back.. sorry for this.. sorry for that..” because I’ve never kept any hard feelings inside with anyone. People do mistake so why can’t I just forgive them. I myself do mistake but I won’t take people for granted. If they can’t forgive me for any wrong doings that I have done and they want me to pay them back, I would, by all means.
I might seem smiling and happy in these few days as though I’m feeling good but it doesn’t quite so. It has been a tough week, especially after knowing the big shocking news the other day and having exams at the same time. Eventhough I have to pretend to some people like nothing happens, I do it with my own personal reasons. I’m not expecting them to understand me because they never will but I just hope my heart will get a strong grasp on my beliefs to Allah. Walaupun diorg tak tahu and tak faham kesusahan yang aku dah lalui, cukupla Allah je yg tahu and He indeed knows everything inside.
But the news actually made me think more about myself. I got the chance to ponder upon my past and looking forward to be a better person in the future. I really want to be like him. Of all people that I’ve met in this world, he really taught me the meaning of benevolence and being open-handed. I don’t know how he does that but he is really someone I look up to. He doesn’t manifest his poignancy to people. He always has the patience of a saint even with the hardest obstacle he has to face. He apologizes and he forgives. He remembers his bad deeds to people and he forgets other people’s mistakes. He is really the finest guy I’ve ever met.
So that’s about him. Now, I try to be positive. I don’t want to get involved with any masalah hati with anyone because it really hurts me. Like what I’ve mentioned above, they will never get to put themselves in my shoes and even if they do, they’ll perceive it in different ways. But no matter what, I’ll respect them, there’s no doubt about it. So let’s say if one day they themselves told me the whole truth about everything, I’ll just smile and say, “It's ok. Let bygone be bygone :)” though I know it’s not gonna be that easy but I’ll try.
My last paper is on next Wednesday. I’m going back home on the same day and maybe will be back to college on the 22nd. I hope I will be back with a new spirit, new person, new me. Wish me luck for my last paper! :)
I just got back home from the renungan esq at hotel istana. Alhamdulillah, setelah berpenat lelah mencari transport balik, last2 dpt jugak pergi. Rasa seronok sangat dapat join. For once, I feel the freedom of being away from studies and exams. And the choice of getting away from whatever problems I’m facing right now.
But I’m going back to college tomorrow though. Since this is going to be my last weekend at college, my chaletmates are planning to do some nasty stuff so yea, I have to be around as well. Haih.. And since the awards day is to be held on this 16th on which I would impossibly to make it, I just want to spend some more time with my friends in college. Yep, just a FEW more days to go and I’ll be a college leaver with a vague future waiting ahead.
It’s gona take me days to get over everything. I mean, handling emotions especially at right this moment is not something within my capabilities. It’s hard to abscond from a place that has been MY 2-YEAR LIFE and those beloved friends and teachers who have been beside all way through. They have been great teachers. Couldn’t ask for more. I’m not expecting anything from anyone since I’m going to leave a little bit earlier but it’s expected to be difficult to leave them behind.
I want to leave the college with happy feelings. I don’t want to owe anybody be it financially, emotionally or physically. And I’m not looking forward to apologies like “Dina, I’m sorry for stealing your umbrella.. sorry for reading your blog all this while silently.. sorry for talking shit behind your back.. sorry for this.. sorry for that..” because I’ve never kept any hard feelings inside with anyone. People do mistake so why can’t I just forgive them. I myself do mistake but I won’t take people for granted. If they can’t forgive me for any wrong doings that I have done and they want me to pay them back, I would, by all means.
I might seem smiling and happy in these few days as though I’m feeling good but it doesn’t quite so. It has been a tough week, especially after knowing the big shocking news the other day and having exams at the same time. Eventhough I have to pretend to some people like nothing happens, I do it with my own personal reasons. I’m not expecting them to understand me because they never will but I just hope my heart will get a strong grasp on my beliefs to Allah. Walaupun diorg tak tahu and tak faham kesusahan yang aku dah lalui, cukupla Allah je yg tahu and He indeed knows everything inside.
But the news actually made me think more about myself. I got the chance to ponder upon my past and looking forward to be a better person in the future. I really want to be like him. Of all people that I’ve met in this world, he really taught me the meaning of benevolence and being open-handed. I don’t know how he does that but he is really someone I look up to. He doesn’t manifest his poignancy to people. He always has the patience of a saint even with the hardest obstacle he has to face. He apologizes and he forgives. He remembers his bad deeds to people and he forgets other people’s mistakes. He is really the finest guy I’ve ever met.
So that’s about him. Now, I try to be positive. I don’t want to get involved with any masalah hati with anyone because it really hurts me. Like what I’ve mentioned above, they will never get to put themselves in my shoes and even if they do, they’ll perceive it in different ways. But no matter what, I’ll respect them, there’s no doubt about it. So let’s say if one day they themselves told me the whole truth about everything, I’ll just smile and say, “It's ok. Let bygone be bygone :)” though I know it’s not gonna be that easy but I’ll try.
My last paper is on next Wednesday. I’m going back home on the same day and maybe will be back to college on the 22nd. I hope I will be back with a new spirit, new person, new me. Wish me luck for my last paper! :)
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