Boundaries

“I’ve so deeply treasured you..
How can I face you again?
I can’t. I just can’t.
Just go…”

I might not be the most emotionally sensitive kind of person in the world or so I think. But to tell you the truth, I do have some difficulties in handling my emotions sometimes. Not the hatred or rage kind of feelings. Alhamdulillah, whenever I feel annoyed or anything I manage to keep my head despite great complications or at least I try. No, not in that sense. I just get so easily moved by things, no matter how simple it may seem. Occasionally I would keep it to myself and just move ahead but if things happened to weigh me down greatly, I’d just break down and if I’m strong enough, I’d drain things away.

Today, I had Health and Disease in Populations (HaDPop) lecture. It’s the epidemiology part of medicine. At first I didn’t get my head around it as I understood not a single word in the workbook. But now, it is not that bad actually. I just feel responsible to appreciate Dr. R0n’s effort to make it as interesting subject as possible. And he did it very well, though he often makes nonsense of the topic but I guess it’s just his way.

Anyway, today we learnt something about 'Causality', how people have struggled since hundred of years ago to find out and comprehend the relationship between a disease and its causes. What really caught my ears was when Dr. R0n said something like this: “We have always believed that there must be a reason for a disease to come into existence. It doesn’t come from God, just like that.” Well, there might be many ways to interpret what he said but then, at that point, it’s very interesting to see how these people have worked their asses off figuring out the hidden secret of the world.

Ok, I may not make any sense and sound incomprehensible, I admit that but the main important thing is, these people have shown me and maybe other people like me, how limited our knowledge is when it comes to science. It’s very intriguing to hear my lecturers say, “yada yada yada.. yet we’re still unsure about that..” or “it’s still puzzling us how bla blab la” etc. Get what I mean? Ok, what I’m trying to say is, no matter how hard we try to understand the underlying reasons of anything, there are always some elements of limitations in our imagination and we could no way beat the Greatness of Allah, Al-‘Aliim, The Knower of All.

You know when you learn about all these stuff, the science thingy, you can’t run away from the signs of His presence. Yes, you know He exists but being a mundane human being, it’s just normal for you to need a proof to bring yourself round. He knows that, so He’s given us a lot of signs and guidance and when you see that thing in front of your eyes, then you’ll become more convinced and certain. But yeah, yet we are still being ignorance and do not care about anything.

Well, that’s not exactly what I want to relate the ‘emotions’ part to. In the lecture, Dr. R0n gave us some examples regarding the topic. And when it came to ‘Mesothelioma is associated with exposure to asbestos – no other factors are significant causes of mesothelioma (which is a reportable occupationally related disease)’ I just called someone to my mind.

I’ve never heard of mesothelioma before, not until I knew it from M0bileMum [or we often address her as MM]. Yep, as you can see at the sidebar of this site, there’s a purple icon button that links to her blog. I used to visit her blog quite regularly and not until she decided to call a halt to blogging. There are just so many things to say about MM but whenever she appeared in the box of my head, I just miss her writings and how they affected my perceptions about life. “During a routine medical check up, it was one of the blood test I request that tells me I have cancer. Listen to our body.” And now that she’s stopped blogging and I haven’t contacted her ever since, I hope she’s doing ok and happy with her life.

Seeing MM going through all those difficulties and she survived, I always pray for the same thing to happen to my aunty. It was really hard for everyone to take in the truth when she was first diagnosed with breast cancer but alhamdulillah, she’s still fighting for her life now and I’ll keep on praying hard that she would never give up.

After all, everything is written in the book. And He indeed knows everything.