the non sequitur

Well, it definitely does i.e. like right now. Hmm...

A Melancholia

'Dina, ko baru bangun tido eh? Aku ada berita sedih'
'Hmm.. *husky voice* ape?'
'Aku baru beli handphone.....'
'Hmm....'
'Tanak tanye brape ke?'
'Hmmm..brapa?'
'Boleh la tahan..'
'Hmm... (tahpapentah suruh org tanye brapa pastu jawab mcm tu)'
'Tau tak model ape?'
'Tak'
'Yang hari tu tu'
'Hmm..'
'Ermm...harga dia rmXXXX tapi kalau nak register bla bla bla jadik bla bla..'
'Hmm.. *heartless*'
'Errmm..tu je laa..'
'Ok'

Hung up phone. Kesian anid sebab tak mendapat respond yg memuaskan drpd dina. Haha.. sorry ye dik, takde mood time tu. Heh.. Then I said to myself 'Wouldn't it be worthless to spend such amount of money for something like that? I mean, she's just 15 and still sekolah, bukannya penting.' But yea, it's Dad's money anyway albeit it may sound quite unfair to me. Tak heran, my notebook is worth about more ;p

Hari ni dina sangat tak bermaya. Dan juga sangat moody. pms kot. Heh.. Results chem hari tu baru dpt td. insyaAllah qualified kot nak sit for June entry. Tapi kan...hari tu jumpa sinwee and batu (current sports excos) diorang kata diorang ambik AS november. tiba2 rase cam discouraged la pulak. Sigh. Miss Aizan and Mr.Azman pulak dah start nak rev up the momentum. Risau + tertekan + pening pale + ape lagi? Memang la tak elok stress2 ni tp normal la kot kan.

Petang tadi tidor gile lame. Heh..normal la kot. Fira ajak main basket pkol 5. Ehem.. kate nak jadik sports exco, kene ah meng-poyokan diri ;p tapi bangun tido pkol 530 (takyah la tanye start tido kol bape.Heh..) lepas solat baru turun. Ingatkan ramai, tengok ade 3 org je. Semua topaz lak tu. Diamond terkapai sorg2. Heh.. Pastu malam tadi mcm biasa tolong budak2 exhibition for ICAN and tolong budak2 deco buat preparation for closing ceremony. Berazam sejak petang tadi nak tidur awal malam ni sebab esok nak bangun pagi revise maths (ade test hr rabu) tapi...eheh..biasa la, susah sket kalau dah monitor terpampang. temptation tu agak sukar utk dielakkan. Heh..

Macam biasa la, time moody2 and emo2 ni la surf internet and check out recent pictures in flickr.explore (Trime kaseh kat uncle saiful sebab die menyelamatkan dina drpd kebosanan dan ketensyenan untuk melayan kerenah internet explorer. Maka dengan itu, gune la Mozilla Firefox. Yes, I'm the last person to use this browser, I know :| ). Rase nak nangis je sebab tgk gambar2 tu sangat lawa dan cantik. Before tu ade jugak test2 nak gune photoshop. Belajar through tutorial page la tapi hampeh tak faham satu pon. Makin tensyen ade la. Heh.. give up tak giveup, last2 tutup terus photoshop. Pasrah.. Tapi lepas tgk gmbr2 flickr tu gembira semula la :))))

Tiba2...... 'mana best eh. jadik doktor ke jadik photographer?' haha..susah ar bile dah terpikir bende2 camtu sebab nnt dina jadik malas nak blajar pastu duk depan com je blaja bende2 merepek lain. Haha.. [note to anid: Shhhhhh!!jgn bgtau mum ngan dad ;p] i just let the question flew away. Kadang2 ade jugak terasa nak belajar jadik photographer. Belajar betul2 la pegi kelas and all. Tapi mahal la kot kan. Any idea? Heh..dina desperate ni!!! Hahaha..

Hari tu m0mad bagitau 'Dina, hr tu aku try search 'm0mad' pastu nampak blog ko. Ape lagi, bace laa.' Hmm..ye la. Dah agak dah. Agak2nye trend zaman sekarang kot main search2 name ni. Leceh ar! Tak kesah pun senornye. Heh..

Hari tu ICAN punye opening sangat gempak. Actually time Mr. Small nak officiate tu simple je. sampai Mr. Small tanye adam 'That's it?' Haha.. Last year dia kena buat puzzle sampai pening pale. Agaknye before die nak officiate tu die dah buat puzzle byk2 kot last2 simple je bende tu, tensyen je dia. Haha..Tapi video presentation gempak gile!! Tabik spring ah kat Imran. Maka ada la muka dina yg comel kat situ. Hoho.. Kalau rajin nnt orang put up la kat blog. Memang best :p

Ade ape2 lagi? Hrmm.. Sekarang ni tengah lelong taktahu nak buat apa time Manifesto. Boleh je nak buat gempak2 (takde idea pon actually. Haha..) tapi takut menang pulak. Poyo, I know ;p Maka dengan itu, dina nak tido la. Dah mabuk dah ni. Nway, I've stumbled upon this nifty piece of work. And a very nice and beautiful words :)
No matter what I do...I always forget to forget you. And will always do :)

iCan, weCan, Malaysia oso can wut?

The tense is rising up. Never in my life have I ever thought things would be this hard. My stomach had been churning from the very early in the morning while the brain was still contemplating and dithering over whether to go for the ‘running’ and that was not quite a pleasant feeling.

Back then in Langkawi, the feelings were not this bad. The situation I used to be in was nothing about revealing your inner strength and your utmost ability to people around you. Well, it was not really so actually since you really need to put your all-out effort for it but things were way much better than things are now where everything is changing drastically.

It’s not about the fear of losing the game (nothing is such. I’d gone through this in Langkawi and it actually made me even stronger) or the trepidation of going through those challenging obstacles but it is about the apprehension of losing your self-belief and confidence within you especially when you do not know what is waiting ahead and you really need them to back you up and keep you on track whenever failure crosses your path.

To tell you the truth, it’s not easy to create such thought and pretend that everything is going to be ok. Not if you really have the strong assurance within yourself and for a fact; I’m still looking for it in me. However, it is now too late to turn back the time and I’ve already in the list of the SC-to-be so all I can do is strive my best and as ever, experience and learn new things. I’m not that desperate to win. I don’t mind if I lose (I could have felt relieved if it happened that way. Hah hah..) but since I’m already smack bang on the road, why should I stop the track, right? So just wait and see as God knows the best for everyone.

Anyways, as a digression, ICAN is approaching and it’s just around the corner. The opening ceremony will be held tomorrow during the assembly and the whole event will be taking place next week, starting from Monday to Wednesday. Needless to say I’m going back home for CNY on the very next day. YAAYYYYYYYYY!! Can’t wait!! Hehe.. But yea, ICAN is no joke. Really need to make sure everything is going to go as planned and hopefully everything will work out great, InsyaAllah. Do pray for us yah! I will take pictures if I know where to steal a camera (hehe..no lar, not a ‘gempak2’ one laa). Cuak gileeeeeeeeeee!! Haha..

My my. It’s already 2. I really need to sign off. Need to cover and compensate my sleeping hour. Seriously. I’ve been daydreaming in class lately (Mr. Conquest asked me what I know about ‘money’ during econs class and I was like ‘Huh? Money? What on earth is money all about?’ Heh..No lar, buat muka poyo je la pastu sir tanye org lain. Heh.. Ngantok tak bleh blah bak kate ade-la-org-tu. Heh.. So till then guys. Have a nice weekend ahead. Cheerio!~ Don’t stress yourself out yea :)

P/S: To all KYU3Mians out there, do vote for RUSHD1NA SOF1A. The first female Sports Exco ever exists on this ever such verdant upland ;p

Granted Wish

You want to see a magic? Here..Let me show you some.

I can turn these..

..into these!!

You see, they just look like so easy to be constructed but to tell you the truth; they aren’t quite easy to get done. Penat doh buat tu nak bagi siap. Haha.. And yet, I still manage to build them tough. Hoho..

You're not satisfied? Want more magic? Ok ok..

Let see…

How about this.. *ADACADABRA~*

Poofff~ Tadaaaa!!

Haha.. See, some people have granted my wish! Heh.. Thanx Mum and Dad :) Don’t worry, Pi. It’s not a Toshiba like yours. And neither is it Vaio so expect the smallest figure you could think of. Heh.. But.. The good part is, I can use internet in my own room! Siape encik Gonn? Thanx for the wireless connection. Heh..

What? Still not satisfied enough? Ok ok.. I give up. You might want to see this man. He’s somewhere on the globe. Good Luck then ;p

DRAT!

Wake up. Early. At least early than usual.

It’s 8. Switch on the comp. Need to do some revision on chem.. Put a chem. book beside.

Go downstairs to take my bath.

10mins..done.

Dad’s using the comp. Fine.

I’ll just burn off my ass, sitting on the floor in my room while suffering from the electrons beam emitted from the monitor that makes my eyes squint.

Wind up chem. assignments.

For a mo, I’m hit by a thought. I want to buy a new laptop.

Or rather, I should ask dad for one :)

And that new one is on its way. Yeay!

Puff. puff..

Focus, dina. Focus. Your exam is just around the corner.

Fine. Continue scribbling answers on paper.

Dad’s calling my name. “Dina, nak guna comp. tak?”

“Ye ye..kejap!” Grab 2 chem. books.

Get online. Check e-mail. No new ones.

Review my bookmark list. Long. Too long. Manage bookmark list.

Come across to the ever so existing url. Nice. Get into it as ‘no referring link’. See, I can do it too ;)

Have I ever entered to this one before? Familiar but can’t remember.

Hah.. 49 comments! Should be a nice one.

Click on the ‘comments’ link. Hmm… Seems cool.

Click on ‘CPMS’ (it’s an abbreviation. don’t bother to find it out. you will if you’re smart enough ;p)

Nice blog. Next. ‘Bookmark this page’

Nice too! I like it! ‘Bookmark this page’. Next.

‘Bookmark this page’. Haih.. I’m gripped and soaked up! Dammit!

Catch a fleeting glimpse of the clock. It’s 10!!! Shite!

Ok ok. Last blog. Last blog. Will not take any longer.

And now..It’s already 10.30 and my assignment does never seem reduced. Shoot.

Today is Saturday. Tomorrow is a day of Sunday. And the day after tomorrow is a disaster. DRAT!

Told ya people.

Dina.is.stressed.out.

joyeux anniversaire, la mère

“It was the last ray of twilight when my Dad told me that Mum was undergoing a Caesarean delivery for my last sibling. Being a five-year-old girl without knowing the exact meaning of ‘life’ had put me into a very deep confusion. I did not know what it was all about but my thoughts flew off and Mum’s image wandered around my mind. How I wished to be beside her in the operation theatre and comforted her with every will I had. There was a moment of awkwardness, as I tried desperately to come up with a way to explain my thoughtlessness but Dad always saved me from agitation. “One day, you will understand.” He looked at me and I could see his eyes reflecting an image of his mystified daughter, me, a great white hope. Ever since, that was what sparked my interest in medicine.”

Every time I read again my personal statement for the mara interview, I could not feel the joy of being in kyu3m. You know why? Because not even in million years I’ve ever dreamt of being in such place. A place in which people want to study so badly. To tell you the truth, I did not do my interview that well or rather; I think I messed it up. Remember that silly question the panel asked me about that basketball thingy, I think I was so dumb to explain enthusiastically about something I did not know. I thought I didn’t get the scholarship.

As compared to the other nine mara scholars, I always believe that I’m the tenth in the list. And I don’t even care if I was the eleventh and not being chosen to study in kyu3m. But then again, I’ve always deemed this as a God sent that keeps me going and walking on a path that leads to my hopes and dreams.

But this is not the main point of this entry. Reading my PS brought me back into the past of being a 5-year-old girl. Albeit that little girl knew nothing about ‘caesarean’ she sobbed like hell when she knew that her Mum was in the OT, delivering her younger sister. She could not stop crying and accept the fact that her Mum was being operated and was going to bear a sore pain. She sat alone on the stairs, thinking about her Mum. When her Mum had got back home, she spent most of her time beside her Mum, trying to help her Mum out in any way she could. When her Mum slept, she laid beside, waiting for her Mum to wake up. And when her Mum woke up, she smiled; trying to tell her Mum that everything was ok.

Year by year, the girl had grown up. She tried to leave the memory behind and she never thought that her Mum would never by any means confront the same thing again. But her thought was wrong. When her Mum was identified to have a fibroid and needed to undergo an operation to ditch that thing, although she hated it, she hardly tried to accept it. Her endless support was what kept her believed that her Mum was going to be fine. She stayed at the hospital through out the days, waiting and accompanying her Mum. And thank Allah, now her Mum is in a healthy glow.

A couple of years back; the girl had one of the toughest moments in her life when her Mum had to leave her for a sabbatical in Manchester. She still remembers the minute her Mum waved her hand as she left her at the gate of the college; she shed a tear and thought how dreary her life would be without her Mum beside. She led a hard life back then. When her roommates called their mothers and tell everything about school, she could just sit back and thought of her Mum and wept at night. Her Mum seldom called her though but the feelings were not the same especially when she knew that her Mum was million miles away and she had not seen her Mum for months. She missed her terribly but she could do nothing.

Several months after that, she flew off to Manchester to see her Mum and family after being apart for quite a while. She did not mind to travel there all by her own because she knew that someone she loved was actually waiting for her. All way through, she was ushered by an officer and upon entering the waiting hall, she could see her Mum, smiling and waving her hand. Could it not be helped, she cried for joy.

Today, that little girl is no longer a 5-year-old-girl. She is now in a journey towards fulfilling her Mum’s hope of becoming a ‘person’ whom her Mum wants her to be. She knows that she can never repay her Mum’s great personal sacrifices because they are just too valuable and priceless. The only thing that she can do to make her Mum happy is to excel in whatever she does and pray her Mum for the best. Maybe her Mum does not know how much that grown-up little girl loves her but what really matters is Allah does know how much she wants to get the best for her Mum because after so many years of living, her Mum has made her believes that she is the luckiest girl in the world for having such a great Mum.

All my life you've been there
Any time and any where
When I was young
And even now that I am older.

I have always known
You've done the best you could
Circumstances change, lives change
But family ties are strong.

I want you to know how much
I respect what you have done
For me, for others,
And even for yourself.

When problems knock you down
You just slowly, steadily,
adjust your shoulders
And then move on.

Many others would give up,
On love and on life, but you haven't.
You've continued,
Stronger, calmer, and with determination.

That's what you are,
strong, loving, caring, and dependable.
And yet still more
You are my mom.

And I love you.

Happy Birthday Mom,

With lots of love, dina :)

the broken bond

Dekat surau orang still tengah takbir. Terasa macam raya puasa la pulak. Heh.. Baru habis tolong dad buat ketupat. After so many years, this is the first time we celebrate raya haji in Bangi. Pak Man pergi haji. Tok Baa pun ikut skali so tak syok ah raya tanpa diorang. Anid tanya soalan bangang tadi “Dad, daun ketupat ni nak buat apa?”. “Penyapu” Tu dina yang jawab la. Heh.. Semua ada kat rumah; abg Norman, abg Azam, semua la. Pak Pi, Pak Amir ngan Mak Sue je takde. Dah lama tak gather ramai2 pastu gelak2 cam tahpape. Haha..Rindu la pulak kat diorang.

Actually tak tau nak cakap apa. Tiba2 terasa cam teringin nak tulis merepek macam encik taiko. First time baca blog yg ada unsur2 ketidak matangan seorang abang. Abang la kot kan. Takkan uncle kot. Uncle utk orang yang tertentu je. Heh.. Taiko baya along ima, dah ada 3orang anak tapi otak masih mampu pikir macam kanak2. Hebat betul. One thing yg hebat pasal taiko, die punye memory cukup mantap. Respek gak ah walaupun die tulis cam merepek sket. Heh.. Tau blog encik taiko from blog nadya. Tau blog nadya from blog mr. plumber. Tau blog mr.plumber from blog Mommy. Tau blog Mommy from blog dr.mirul. Tau blog mirul from blog syazwan. Tau syazwan through friendster, kawan alitt. Siapakah alitt?

Kalau nak cite pasal alitt, sampai esok tak habis. The only thing I can say about him is, he was one of those who had taught me a lot about life. Maybe without him, I’d never knew what a friendship means. Maybe without him, I’d never knew how to laugh over small things. Yea, he taught me how to laugh. Silly, I know. Maybe without him, I’d never knew how to do stupid jokes. Maybe without him, I’d never knew how beautiful my life would be with the presence of the most precious friend beside. Uh, I dislike talking about the past and this may get sentimental but to tell you the truth, if I ever had a chance to make a wish, it would be to reunite the friendship we once built and re-forge the bond that we used to have.

And maybe without him, I’d never knew a fact that if you loved someone too much; you could end up hating that person greatly. And if you loathed someone too much that you couldn’t stand him for a second, you could end up treasuring him for your entire life.

Kenapa dina post bende ni malam raya haji macam ni? Because he once asked me “Dina, agak2nya raya haji bila boleh aku mampu korban sekor unta and bagi kat orang2 miskin?”. Tak sempat nak jawab pape die dah jawab “Tunggu 5 tahun lagi, insyaAllah aku dah kaya. Haha..”. Yep, that was 5 years ago. And now, I wonder if he could materialize his words. I hope he could…
Happy Aidil-adha, people :)

the new appearance

So I've changed the template. Have been contemplating to change the mood so this is it. Mind you this might be temporary since I'm still looking for a better one. A change is as good as a rest, isn't it?

my intuitive sense

I’m not sure since when I got these strong feelings about everything. It comes without warning. If it wants to happen at right this second, it will be. Sometimes I accept it without questioning why it happened that way but cropping up unexpectedly so often does make me curious at times. Occasionally I let it drains away but most of the times it does not come that easy. Remember the controversial post that I’ve deleted long ago?

For those who are clueless, it was a dream that I dreamt about Lupi. I got a postcard with a picture inside it; a picture of Lupi and his friends, Fid0 and @ini. It was somehow written there that he was in Dublin. The next day, I called Mum and she said "Lupi call semalam. Dia ada dekat Dublin jumpa fid0 semua. @ini@yu pun ada..". "Wow.." was all I could say to myself.

And during the MYC, I asked @kmal if I could get back to bangi with him as I did not have anyone for company. Just for the safety though. He said he was not going straight to bangi, he wanted to drop by some places. I was like “ooow, ok then. I’ll try to find someone else..” And did I not ask it to happen, I dreamt of going back to bangi with him. But back then, I thought it was merely a dream but it turned out not so. Yep, I got to KL Central all by myself but upon leaving the train, I saw him from afar. And to my great surprise, it was exactly how my dream looked like.

The other day, I went for a wedding at KRU (Kelab Rekreasi UKM) with Mum and Anid. I did not know how I got this vision of meeting someone I knew but to my surprise, it did turn out true. Anid and I was about to leave the hall when I said to anid “Tak tahu kenapa tapi aku rasa @kmal mesti ada.” And by coincidence I was wearing a blue baju kurung and unintentionally said “Skali tu dia pakai baju biru jugak”. Exactly after I said that, there he was, just entered the hall. And yep, with a blue shirt. I was like “OMG!!” and anid looked at me “Did you plan all this?” *big sweat!!*

I’ve once dreamt about Max. He called me. One thing for sure, I really miss the moment we spent together. Anyways..He called me because he wanted to invite me to his engagement occasion. Nope, I was not surprised :) And then we talked and chatted without any awkward feelings. I liked it to be that way back then. And then he told me about Micha3l and F@iruz (both are not real names). I knew both of them because Max used to tell me about them. He said “Micha3l is getting married to M@ina (not a real name as well). I asked him to invite you. Oh and F@iruz, he just broke up with his fiancée”. For the first time, I accepted it as a sign. As ever, I checked my e-mail the next day and got one from Sya. She gave me a picture of those 3 men. How did she get it? You’ve guessed it, through Google. Don’t ask me how. So I checked Micha3l and F@iruz’s friendster pages (nope, we have not contacted since I broke up with Max so yea, I searched them through that blardy friendster search engine) and I found out that Micha3l is indeed getting married to M@ina and F@iruz has broken up with his fiancée couple of months ago. But one thing that did not showed up was the fact of Max’s engagement occasion. I don’t mind if it’s true. I’m happy for him :)

Izy told me about her aim for @USMAT. She gave me a message, “…dgn penah mimpi2!!Hahah...But then, kita penah terpikir nak dpt 98.7. So round the figure up, I got 98.7! alhamdulillah.. (She got 98.65 for her ausm@t. Yep, she always makes me proud of her)… ntah kenape tah time tu, number 987 tu cam best…”. Exactly the next day, I came across FIVE cars with number plates ‘987’. I told her about that during the sleep-over and she paused a while and said “I took 5 subjects.”

It was a zero hour of the 21st of Dec, last year. It was afar’s birthday. I wished him and sms-ed him a message or two. As I was drifting off, he said “kalau nak mimpi tu mimpi ar bagi hadiah kat aku..”. And ripley’s believe it or not, I dreamt of giving him a present. He cursed me didn’t he? Heh heh.. Aku bagi ko gitar ah afar. Hahah!

A couple of days before I went for the community service at Cheras the other day, I asked a friend of mine if he ever knew where the places were located. And I did ask him how to get there by public transport. I knew there must be a KTM station or LRT or whatever around the area and I somehow said to myself “ntah2 die offer nak ambik kat stesyen. Hahah! <-- laughing without any good reason; that’s my favourite ;p”. Although he replied me one week later, he somehow did offer to fetch me up at the station. Hermm..rasa nak buat community service lagi. Heh..

And the most recent incident was last night. I got this strong feeling that my friend, wan, has changed his number. I tried to call him several times and all I got was the voice mail operator. And I did try for the last time last night and got the same thing. As I was dozing off, I said to myself “sampai hati wan tak bagitau dia tukar number..”. I don’t know if I was already in my dream when I said that but feeling as if I was being jinxed, I dreamt of him calling me and said “dina, ni number baru aku. sorry baru nak bagitau..” I was not sure how I feel. Neither was I aware of my surroundings but I someway felt it was real. As soon as I was awaked, I checked my phone but nothing I could track. As far as I can remember, the number was by any mean looks like this ‘01623/5….’ I can’t call the rest to my mind but if I got it right, I’ll let you know ;p [note to wan: kalo ko bace ni, bagitau aku laa!! eksyen eh!]

If I must admit, there are another four or five coincidences with regard to all this superstitious thingy. I don’t feel like blogging them up because they concern my personal life of which I’d rather keep them to myself. For once, I want to believe that this is some kind of heaven-sent. But you can’t really believe in all this thing right? I mean, it does make your day up if your most beautiful dream become real but it can be forbidding as well if the most implausible thing you ever wanted to happen become true. And that is what I’m scared the most; to wake up one day and find out every sweet dream I had was actually a fantasy. It crushes my heart away… I can feel it somehow, it is sorely painful. Trust me... I can feel it :)

The pic, the bite and the cd

New Year's Eve at Haj@r's. She used to live in TTDI if you all still remember. She's one of those who often throw parties, barbecues and open houses. This is the second time I was able to make it. That boy with Senn (in red), he bit me on the arm!!!!!! I was trying to take some pictures of the boys and I did not know if he dissatisfied with me or anything (I swear I did nothing to him) and he suddenly grabbed my hand and bite. I was like ?????!!!! MOMAD!!!!! and yea, he got away just like that. Cis! I'm sure gonna claim insurance from Haj@r. Sakit tau!! Nways, click here for more photos. Sorry, the pics are not so good in quality. Oh, talking about picture, I've received the adobe photoshop cd! *excited* Thanx mr.R :)