You’ll appreciate me more after this...
That was a paraphrase of what m@x told me before everything was over. Geli saje… Ngahaha.. Well, he believed in ‘sweet revenge’ if I must say. He was kinda like me; a person who’d prefer to keep things to himself. I don’t blame him for being one but he was sooo not matured in dealing with our problems. But anyways, having an indescribably ego inside, I used to think it was all rubbish. To hell of what he said, I myself was what the most important thing back then. Yea, talking about selfish at that time. But after a while, I felt the truth of what he said. I did feel the lost. A great lost that nobody could share with me. A great lost that I myself had to bear with for quite some times. Once you’ve had such feelings, you’d try to put yourself on the safe side by trying to replace the void with something/somebody else. Try as hard as you could, you would never get it done. Even if you’ve found something/someone else, it wouldn’t be the same as what you’ve gone through with the previous one. And honestly speaking, at right this moment, I wish I could turn back the clock and fix as many loopholes as I could. But yea, let bygone be bygone. I’m happy now. Couldn’t care less, could I?
M@x taught me how to appreciate people around me. Especially the ones I love. But believe me, you will appreciate your beloved ones’ existence more once you’ve been in a situation where they are not in the same world as you are in. I’m not talking about death but more or less a situation where you could never get in touch with them no matter how hard you try. And never in a million years I had ever sensed to feel the feelings that had engaged on me during the last holiday.
I was planning to window-shop with anid at al@mand@ and I thought of bringing n@zme along but anid was reluctant. She put every responsible on me and definitely would pin on me if anything ever happened to n@zme. So I was like, “Ok.. I don’t mind.. This is the only time I have to spend with him after all..”. At the end of the day, n@zme did come along. It was all fine at first. And seperti biase, he ran around all over the place like nothing in this world matters and greeted every person he bumped into. Peramah la sangat kan..
Then we went to parks0n and while anid tried out her brand new t-shirt, and while I was browsing around the mall, n@zme slipped through my fingers. I was like, “SHOOOT!”. I called around his name but didn’t get any respond. @nid was like, “Aku dah cakap!!!!!!” and shouted on my face. What else could I do but running around looking for him? Kalau nak layan ape yang anid bebel, 10 tahun baru abes kot. At that point, I swore to myself that if any bad things happened to n@zme, I’d shoot myself on the head, man! I could feel nothing as in numb.
That was the most dying moment ever I could tell. I asked a few assistants but they didn’t help much. It was ironic however that I could keep myself calm and only think about positive things. I kept saying to myself, “He’ll be fine…”. Anid pulak dah bebel mcm orang gile. What choice did I have then? My ears were looking for a howl, just in case he cried but in vain. Memang rase mcm nak menjerit gak ar. Haha…
Suddenly, after 10-15 minutes searching..
“Mak Na mak na!!!!” I saw him running towards me with an excitement on his face. I was like, “N@zmeeeeee!!”. I hold him and embraced him with every will I had. “Kan mak na dah cakap jgn jadik naughty boy bla bla bla…” I said enduringly but only to find him laughing tengok mak na die bebel. Hampehs!!!! Orang punyela mcm orang gile carik die ilang. Dan seperti biase, anid tak abes2 nak bebel. I ignored whatever anid said and was really really glad to see n@zme back in my hand.
And that was when I realized that he is more than just a kid, more than just a nephew and more than anything else…
That was a paraphrase of what m@x told me before everything was over. Geli saje… Ngahaha.. Well, he believed in ‘sweet revenge’ if I must say. He was kinda like me; a person who’d prefer to keep things to himself. I don’t blame him for being one but he was sooo not matured in dealing with our problems. But anyways, having an indescribably ego inside, I used to think it was all rubbish. To hell of what he said, I myself was what the most important thing back then. Yea, talking about selfish at that time. But after a while, I felt the truth of what he said. I did feel the lost. A great lost that nobody could share with me. A great lost that I myself had to bear with for quite some times. Once you’ve had such feelings, you’d try to put yourself on the safe side by trying to replace the void with something/somebody else. Try as hard as you could, you would never get it done. Even if you’ve found something/someone else, it wouldn’t be the same as what you’ve gone through with the previous one. And honestly speaking, at right this moment, I wish I could turn back the clock and fix as many loopholes as I could. But yea, let bygone be bygone. I’m happy now. Couldn’t care less, could I?
M@x taught me how to appreciate people around me. Especially the ones I love. But believe me, you will appreciate your beloved ones’ existence more once you’ve been in a situation where they are not in the same world as you are in. I’m not talking about death but more or less a situation where you could never get in touch with them no matter how hard you try. And never in a million years I had ever sensed to feel the feelings that had engaged on me during the last holiday.
I was planning to window-shop with anid at al@mand@ and I thought of bringing n@zme along but anid was reluctant. She put every responsible on me and definitely would pin on me if anything ever happened to n@zme. So I was like, “Ok.. I don’t mind.. This is the only time I have to spend with him after all..”. At the end of the day, n@zme did come along. It was all fine at first. And seperti biase, he ran around all over the place like nothing in this world matters and greeted every person he bumped into. Peramah la sangat kan..
Then we went to parks0n and while anid tried out her brand new t-shirt, and while I was browsing around the mall, n@zme slipped through my fingers. I was like, “SHOOOT!”. I called around his name but didn’t get any respond. @nid was like, “Aku dah cakap!!!!!!” and shouted on my face. What else could I do but running around looking for him? Kalau nak layan ape yang anid bebel, 10 tahun baru abes kot. At that point, I swore to myself that if any bad things happened to n@zme, I’d shoot myself on the head, man! I could feel nothing as in numb.
That was the most dying moment ever I could tell. I asked a few assistants but they didn’t help much. It was ironic however that I could keep myself calm and only think about positive things. I kept saying to myself, “He’ll be fine…”. Anid pulak dah bebel mcm orang gile. What choice did I have then? My ears were looking for a howl, just in case he cried but in vain. Memang rase mcm nak menjerit gak ar. Haha…
Suddenly, after 10-15 minutes searching..
“Mak Na mak na!!!!” I saw him running towards me with an excitement on his face. I was like, “N@zmeeeeee!!”. I hold him and embraced him with every will I had. “Kan mak na dah cakap jgn jadik naughty boy bla bla bla…” I said enduringly but only to find him laughing tengok mak na die bebel. Hampehs!!!! Orang punyela mcm orang gile carik die ilang. Dan seperti biase, anid tak abes2 nak bebel. I ignored whatever anid said and was really really glad to see n@zme back in my hand.
And that was when I realized that he is more than just a kid, more than just a nephew and more than anything else…
Nazme.. Mak Na rindu Nazme, aida and effa :(
1 comment:
ohoh..ingat2..lupe nak wish je..almaklumlah..sejak dah takde frenster ni, hidup ibarat ketinggalan zaman.. haha.. nway, HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!! jgn emo2 ye ;p
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