When I first noticed my sixth sense, I thought it was something that I can brag about, something that I can be proud of to myself. But that is not how it works on me. When I told people about all those visions and dreams, they could be awed but they could never feel the awkwardness that I have to bear. Coping up with this peculiarity is not as simple as people might think.
Every time it comes across me, I have to deal not just with my emotions and feelings but also with my curiosity and my inquisitiveness. Each time it happens on me, I’d become indecisive and not able to make up my mind whether to accept it as a sign or just a mere game of thoughts. And the bad thing is, it does not always come as a good sign. That’s the only thing that I hate about having the sixth sense; I could see dreadful things before they really happen. But I have no choice. Ignorant does not guarantee contentment and pleasure so I really have to live with it.
Remember the entry that I posted during Dad’s birthday? At the end of the entry, I did mention about ‘to move on the journey’ and exactly at that night, I dreamt of something that kind of related to it. And when I woke up the next morning, I laid idly in the bed, feeling very very odd. I did not cry in the dream but after a while when I was awaken, I could feel the sorrow and the dam could no longer bear the pressure and had to open the barrier. But what actually questioned me was the strength that I had in the dream that made me feel so calm and strong when Mum broke the news as if I knew that somehow the ‘loss’ does not involve my dad but other person.
Some time later, I told Sarah that after this 19years of living, I have never encountered any experience that related to the bereavement. I did not know why I told her that but somehow I could feel a strong feeling inside regardless of things that matter. The first and the latest was when I was in standard 1 when I had to witness the passing away of my grandfather. But I can’t really call to mind how the situation was. Ever since, none of the bereavements have ever occurred in my life.
Several days ago before the break, I called anid and she broke the news about my aunty (mum’s sister) who is now suffering the third stage of breast cancer. She just found out about it a couple of weeks ago and the tumor has gotten quite big now. According to her doctor, with such size of tumor, it is said that it has been developed since 9 years ago. And last day I heard Along Ima and Dad’s conversation about this. She said that the probability for the tumor to undergo metastasis (the spread of cancer from its primary site to other places in the body (e.g., brain, liver)) is quite high and it will be such a miracle if it doesn’t. I was quite stunned actually. It really sent a chill down my spine. Everything happens very fast that I sometimes cannot muddle through it. The task is so hard.
After all, the ‘thing’ has not happened yet and I’m struggling to put a note of optimism in my thought. My aunty is undergoing an operation tomorrow. I really hope she will and always be strong to face the forthcoming days.
But somehow..to come to think of it, I could be next. Who knows? Please people, do pray for her happiness through out her years and let’s hope that everything will be alright.
Every time it comes across me, I have to deal not just with my emotions and feelings but also with my curiosity and my inquisitiveness. Each time it happens on me, I’d become indecisive and not able to make up my mind whether to accept it as a sign or just a mere game of thoughts. And the bad thing is, it does not always come as a good sign. That’s the only thing that I hate about having the sixth sense; I could see dreadful things before they really happen. But I have no choice. Ignorant does not guarantee contentment and pleasure so I really have to live with it.
Remember the entry that I posted during Dad’s birthday? At the end of the entry, I did mention about ‘to move on the journey’ and exactly at that night, I dreamt of something that kind of related to it. And when I woke up the next morning, I laid idly in the bed, feeling very very odd. I did not cry in the dream but after a while when I was awaken, I could feel the sorrow and the dam could no longer bear the pressure and had to open the barrier. But what actually questioned me was the strength that I had in the dream that made me feel so calm and strong when Mum broke the news as if I knew that somehow the ‘loss’ does not involve my dad but other person.
Some time later, I told Sarah that after this 19years of living, I have never encountered any experience that related to the bereavement. I did not know why I told her that but somehow I could feel a strong feeling inside regardless of things that matter. The first and the latest was when I was in standard 1 when I had to witness the passing away of my grandfather. But I can’t really call to mind how the situation was. Ever since, none of the bereavements have ever occurred in my life.
Several days ago before the break, I called anid and she broke the news about my aunty (mum’s sister) who is now suffering the third stage of breast cancer. She just found out about it a couple of weeks ago and the tumor has gotten quite big now. According to her doctor, with such size of tumor, it is said that it has been developed since 9 years ago. And last day I heard Along Ima and Dad’s conversation about this. She said that the probability for the tumor to undergo metastasis (the spread of cancer from its primary site to other places in the body (e.g., brain, liver)) is quite high and it will be such a miracle if it doesn’t. I was quite stunned actually. It really sent a chill down my spine. Everything happens very fast that I sometimes cannot muddle through it. The task is so hard.
After all, the ‘thing’ has not happened yet and I’m struggling to put a note of optimism in my thought. My aunty is undergoing an operation tomorrow. I really hope she will and always be strong to face the forthcoming days.
But somehow..to come to think of it, I could be next. Who knows? Please people, do pray for her happiness through out her years and let’s hope that everything will be alright.
" Verily, with ALLAH alone is the knowledge of the Hour. And HE sends down the rain, and HE knows what is in the wombs. And no soul knows what it will earn tomorrow, and no soul knows in what land it will die. Surely, ALLAH is All-Knowing, All-Aware. " 31:34
3 comments:
benda yang belum jadik janganla difikirkan sgt..banyak2 doa i'Allah everything will be fine..apa2pun yang terjadi, that's the best decision Allah has made for us -bro roy not boroy ok ;p
bro boroy :P - bukan nak difikir2kan sgt pun tapi dah terlalu byk 'pengalaman' so susah kalau tak difikirkan..alhamdulillah the operation went out well. she's doing fine so far.. the healing stage might take 2 weeks and then she'll undergo chemo treatment for about 4 to 6 months..chemo yg sangat suffering..kesian kat aunty..hope she'll be strong
pergh... ini dah kira macam cerita Final Destination. Nasib baik macam bukan cerita Sixth Sense.
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