I shouldn’t feel this way. I don’t want to be an ungrateful person but I just can’t help it. How do you cope with a situation of doing something that your mind wants but not your heart? Your mind says ‘Leicester’ but your heart says ‘Nottingham’? I know I’m not in the position to choose but it’s just hard for me to put the university as my firm and all I need now is supports from family and of course, strength from Allah.
I have never thought things to be this difficult but it’s just something that I can’t avoid. I thought this hesitancy is over long ago but due to some emotional and mental fear factors; I’m becoming even more afraid to come to a final pick. Leicester is a nice place, I really like the place, don’t get me wrong. But I just don’t know why my heart can’t seem to accept and just be a thankful person. There are so many people out there who wish to be in my position, to get the chance to study abroad, to get a scholarship to read medicine. Why must something that is supposed to be simple and easy makes me go nuts? Why must I question things that have been destined for me? Why must I be uncertain and unhappy when other people are happy and relief to state their firm univ? Why is there the word ‘choose’ or ‘pick’ or ‘decide’ or whatever in the first place? Why am I questioning so much? Sheeshh..
But I just know the answer..
Ya Allah, kuatkanlah semangat aku. Jadikanlah aku hambaMu dan umat Rasulullah yang bersyukur. Berikanlah aku kekuatan dan keyakinan untuk terus berjuang di jalanMu ya Allah.
Tomorrow is the day. Tomorrow we need to confirm our firm and insurance university. I hope, just HOPE I’m strong enough to decide. Wherever the place would be, that’s where Allah wants me to be.
I have never thought things to be this difficult but it’s just something that I can’t avoid. I thought this hesitancy is over long ago but due to some emotional and mental fear factors; I’m becoming even more afraid to come to a final pick. Leicester is a nice place, I really like the place, don’t get me wrong. But I just don’t know why my heart can’t seem to accept and just be a thankful person. There are so many people out there who wish to be in my position, to get the chance to study abroad, to get a scholarship to read medicine. Why must something that is supposed to be simple and easy makes me go nuts? Why must I question things that have been destined for me? Why must I be uncertain and unhappy when other people are happy and relief to state their firm univ? Why is there the word ‘choose’ or ‘pick’ or ‘decide’ or whatever in the first place? Why am I questioning so much? Sheeshh..
But I just know the answer..
Ya Allah, kuatkanlah semangat aku. Jadikanlah aku hambaMu dan umat Rasulullah yang bersyukur. Berikanlah aku kekuatan dan keyakinan untuk terus berjuang di jalanMu ya Allah.
Tomorrow is the day. Tomorrow we need to confirm our firm and insurance university. I hope, just HOPE I’m strong enough to decide. Wherever the place would be, that’s where Allah wants me to be.
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