Luahan Perasaan I

Siapa kata dina tak jiwang? Dina boleh jugak jiwang pe. Hebat gak ;p Actually, emosi sekarang tengah sangat tak stabil. Not just because of ican, but because of every single thing and every single one. Nak ber'speakong' pun takde mood ah. Nak jiwang elok gune bahse melayu ;p

Alhamdulillah, everything went out well. tomorrow would be the last day of ican. The female co-director had just gone back home just now due to some appointments she has to make tomorrow so she indirectly put her trust in me and some other ican high-comm to make sure the closing ceremony tomorrow will go smooth. Personally, aku rase sangat sedih sebab ican dah nak habis. After putting so much effort in it since a couple of months before, now it's approaching its end. Kalau nak luahkan perasaan pasal ican memang mengambil masa yang agak panjang so why don't we keep it for another entry later on ok?

Ok, so here comes the story. Malam ni dah masuk 5hari aku tido lambat gile. One whole day memang sangat pack. Be it for ican or for studies, memang sangat bz. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to complain or anything, just want to create the idea. So, logically memang sangat penat dah letih. So tadi ada Lailatunnisa' and mmg dah lelong gile babeng ah kat dewan tadi. Ceremony ended around 1115pm so mesti la lepas tu nak kene kemas dewan and uruskan itu ini. My brain was at its slowest pace and mmg dah takde mood gile. Tapi sebab pikir pasal tanggungjawab and amanah yg orang bagi so tak boleh la nak buat bodo and terus balik.

Tengah kemas2 tu, my friend gave me a buzz, asking me to bring along some stuff she left in the hall and I said no problem, I'll bring them back. And then teruskan kemas, tiba2 ade this one lady datang 'Dina, I'm in a hurry. Esok aku ade test. Satu ape pun tak bace. Aku balik dulu ok?' I was like 'Hellllllllllllloooo!! Aku ade test gak wei!' tapi tak la, dalam penat2 and takde mood tu, aku cuba jugak lemparkan senyuman. 'It's ok. Aku boleh tolong kemaskan nanti.' And so she left me.....V.E.R.Y. D.I.S.A.P.P.O.I.N.T.E.D. Why? Because she's one of the high-comm jugak but she just left everything to other people. Seriously, kalau tak dina seorang yg tabah (nak naikkan semangat balik ni! Hahahahaha) memang dah lame nangis. Tapi tak la, tak macho la nangis ;p

Lepastu kemas la dewan. Yang lain2 tolong jugak la so it was not such a hussle sangat la. Dah habis kemas2 tu, balik ah, dalam kepenatan, kerisauan sebab esok ada maths test (yet I'm still typing this! Shoot me!), kengantukan yg teramat sangat, berduka lara, kecewa dan sebagainya. Dah ar dewan ngan chalet aku mcm 10batu jalan. Ok, I'm exaggerating tapi mmg sangat penat la. Dah ar mmg lemah longlai gile. Dah sampai chalet, siap tukar baju semua (time tu around 12malam gak ar) tiba2, 'Alamak, lupe nak bawak balik barang!! (the one that my friend asked me to bring back). Shite!!'. So tukar la baju balik and sanggup jugak ar nak jalan balik pegi dewan. Tiba2 teringat kat dewan tu ada beberapa kawan lain so suruh diorang bawakkan balik je la.

10mins after that, kawan yg ada kat dewan tu call. 'Dina! Sorry sangat2. Aku telupa nak bawak balik! Aku dah sampai chalet ni!' Tak tahu apsal tapi rase frustrated gile time tu. Kalau ikutkan hati mmg aku sanggup pegi dewan and ambik barang tu. Tapi dah pukul 12lebih kot. So dengan perasaan yang sungguh kecewa dan bersalah, aku sms member yg tetinggal barang tu. Tak berani nak call sebab rasa bersalah gile. Tak tahu ar kenape tapi memang sangat frust ah. Dah ar memang tengah disappointed dengan the lady yang sungguh rajin tu. Time tu mmg down gile. Maybe sebab letih kot. So nak tenangkan hati, pegi la ambik wudhu'. Memang tak solat Isyak lagi pun sebab tak sempat, majlis start lepas maghrib. Time tu memang rase cam nak nangis gile. Rase mcm...'Aargh! Tensyennye..!' tapi time solat takde la mengamuk sorang2 kan. Heh.. Tiba2...

Ade orang ketuk pintu chalet. 'Dina! Your barang ada kat sini! I left it here ok!' Time tu tengah solat, rasa sayu gile sebab Allah macam memahami perasaan aku yang memang nak pegi ambik barang tu tapi tak kesampaian. Allah je la tahu betapa aku memang ikhlas and sanggup buat ape je utk ambik barang tu. Lepas solat tu rase relief gile. Tiba2 terasa macam semangat balik and terus tak ngantuk. Sebab tu boleh tulis bende merepek ni lagi. Haha.. Actually nak cakap jugak ar pasal 'benda2' ni tapi next time la kot.

So kesimpulannye, kalau kita nak buat sesuatu ikhlas kerana Allah, insyaAllah Allah akan tolong kita balik. Cukupla kalau kita percaya tu, insyaAllah semua urusan kita dipermudahkan. Hmm..tu je kot. Dah nak dekat kol 1 ni. Better sign off. Wish me luck for the test tomorrow. Akum!