‘Aku tak risau pasal operation tu. Aku risau..takut-takut tak bangun lagi..’ I heard she talked to Mum. I could not imagine how I would feel if I were in her shoes. It’s like, preparing yourself for the unclear upshots. Obscurities. Her words really touched my sensitive heart. I smiled, trying not to be so emotional. She was doing fine. She could talk and smile. Everyone seemed satisfied and pleased with her reaction. When I took her hand to ‘salam’ before I left, my mind was drifting away, wandering around and still looking for the ‘real thing’.
And last night, I could not sleep, thinking about everything. I tried so hard not to recall those vague visions and dreams, those forbidding uncertainties. I kept having flashbacks of the past, the moments where my family and my aunt’s family had our memorable time in PD, Cameron, Genting. I was brought up in a very big family and I am very very closed to my cousins especially at Mum’s side. When we were kids, we often spent our time together, sleep over at each other’s house and chatted till dawn. Whenever Mum and Dad did their haji and umrah, mum would send us to aunt’s house, stayed there for weeks and be ‘anak mak and anak abah’.
As time goes by, we seldom have time to meet each other up. And yesterday, when I saw Kak Num and Kak Hik, their emotions full of hopelessness and sadness. I cried. Inside. Never in my life have I ever thought this situation will come across our paths. The atmosphere was very still, and dull. Only aunt’s smile and laughter brought everything alive. Somehow, deep inside, the smile and the laughter offered me a ray of hope, saying that she will be ok.
And just now, when I was doing my assignment, Mum came about with a sense of despair. “Mak Ham buat CT scan tadi. Doctor kata the cell has gone to the liver and the spleen. About 1 to 2 cm jugak. Hari isnin baru buat bone scan pulak. Ntahla, kesian Mak Ham.”
I could say nothing. I only got distracted and my attention was unfocused. My hand was finishing off the chem. assignment but my mind was playing around with my own thoughts. (tangan boleh gerak sendiri sebab copy answer from…huhu rahsie ;p). And then Dad sat on the chair in front of me sambil makan pisang. “Susah kan kalau dah jadik metastasis ni. The chance is very slim. I think the doctor has known already the consequences cuma taknak bagitau je”. “Ntahla Dad. Maybe doctor pun tak boleh buat apa, boleh bagi hope and semangat je.” I said, helplessly.
Now, the glimmer of hope within me has started to die out. Has now begun to fade away.
And last night, I could not sleep, thinking about everything. I tried so hard not to recall those vague visions and dreams, those forbidding uncertainties. I kept having flashbacks of the past, the moments where my family and my aunt’s family had our memorable time in PD, Cameron, Genting. I was brought up in a very big family and I am very very closed to my cousins especially at Mum’s side. When we were kids, we often spent our time together, sleep over at each other’s house and chatted till dawn. Whenever Mum and Dad did their haji and umrah, mum would send us to aunt’s house, stayed there for weeks and be ‘anak mak and anak abah’.
As time goes by, we seldom have time to meet each other up. And yesterday, when I saw Kak Num and Kak Hik, their emotions full of hopelessness and sadness. I cried. Inside. Never in my life have I ever thought this situation will come across our paths. The atmosphere was very still, and dull. Only aunt’s smile and laughter brought everything alive. Somehow, deep inside, the smile and the laughter offered me a ray of hope, saying that she will be ok.
And just now, when I was doing my assignment, Mum came about with a sense of despair. “Mak Ham buat CT scan tadi. Doctor kata the cell has gone to the liver and the spleen. About 1 to 2 cm jugak. Hari isnin baru buat bone scan pulak. Ntahla, kesian Mak Ham.”
I could say nothing. I only got distracted and my attention was unfocused. My hand was finishing off the chem. assignment but my mind was playing around with my own thoughts. (tangan boleh gerak sendiri sebab copy answer from…huhu rahsie ;p). And then Dad sat on the chair in front of me sambil makan pisang. “Susah kan kalau dah jadik metastasis ni. The chance is very slim. I think the doctor has known already the consequences cuma taknak bagitau je”. “Ntahla Dad. Maybe doctor pun tak boleh buat apa, boleh bagi hope and semangat je.” I said, helplessly.
Now, the glimmer of hope within me has started to die out. Has now begun to fade away.
"Our Lord! Condemn us not if we forget or fall into error; our Lord! Lay not on us a burden Like that which Thou didst lay on those before us; Our Lord! Lay not on us a burden greater than we have strength to bear. Blot out our sins, and grant us forgiveness. Have mercy on us. Thou art our Protector; Help us against those who stand against faith." -286, The Cow
4 comments:
eventhough people are losing their hopes, at least the prayers are still continuously recited. Tuhan punya kuasa, a miracle is not impossible..doa banyak2
thanx sya :)
u kno dina, the same exact thing happened to my grandma..she was diagnosed with 4th stage secondary cancer in december 2005. quite recent jugak la..kene buat CTscan, bone scan n stuff. mula2 ingt dah tak blh buat ape2, but it turned out tetibe neighbour kite, a radiologist tolong. so, msk GH buat radiotherapy (nak kurangkn sakit je not to cure.quite impossible to cure sbb tak tau the primary source.the cancerous cells metastasis merata!)..n for now, my grandma kat my aunt's hse. jaga dia kat rumah..we never know. sometimes, we think we cudnt do anything, yet miracles do happen. doa byk2..
Love,
yantobobo;)
izy- thanx for sharing. oww tu yang nenek awk sakit hr tu. tu la, my aunty will be undergoing for chemotherapy soon. time tu yang suffering stage tu. kesian kan..tapi bende dah nak berlaku, we never know. but yea, doa is one of the hopes :)
Post a Comment