Before you read any further, try to read this. You might want to get deep down and imagine yourself experiencing what I am facing now. I don’t know how to say this. I mean, at some point, the credulity is just SO overwhelming such that I’m not sure of how I’m supposed to feel. Should I be happy for the gift? Or maybe the word ‘gift’ is not the right expression? Or should I be scared of what is waiting ahead?
I think I know why I’m running into all these things. Just like what thirah had told me once before, “Maybe you are too in contact with your feelings and minds.” I can tell that what she said was right.
You know what.. I really believe in all these so-called ‘karmas’. Even in Islam, there has never been the word 'coincidence'. Everything happens with a reason. Sounds cliché but it is so damn true that once it incurs, it might drive you nuts. Let me tell you one example.
When I was working on my UCAS form and having severe headache on which university to apply to, I somehow listed Notts out of the roll, simply without any reason. Maybe sebab angah aya kat situ dulu so cam x syok ar nak pegi tempat yg pernah pegi. Heh.. And I really really did not have even the slightest intention to go to Notts. Initially, I wasn’t really fond of going to Newcastle jugak sebab Newcastle penah reject Lupi dulu so agak tak sedap hati la but just because my college has a quite good relationship with them, aku apply jugak la. When my counselor announced the number of applicants of each university, Newcastle was apparently quite outnumbered. So, she advised us to change our choice if possible. I accepted that as a sign so I did change to other university. I don’t know why but out of 21 universities left, I chose Notts. I JUST DON’T KNOW WHY.
But somehow… just somehow.. I knew something weird would definitely come into line. And then, things started to play their roles. Few weeks after they received our forms, we were asked to do some questionnaires on their website. And untuk menjadikkan cerita, I was THE LAST PERSON to do the questionnaires AT THE VERY LAST DAY. Aku pun tak tahu macam mana budak lain dah dapat surat and dah buat that questionnaire and aku tak tahu satu habuk pun pasal questionnaire tu. Perhaps I wasn’t aware enough but… blergghh!~ Why? Rase nak mati jugak ar hari tu. Haha.. Cuak tak bleh blar!! So sekarang, tawakkal je la. But just to let you know that I’m actually waiting for something peculiar to appear. Be it a rejection or any other form of strangeness, I’d accept everything with an open heart.
That is one example la.
Dulu, when my dreams often become true, I used to tell few of friends about them. Orang cakap, benda2 macam ni, kalau berlaku kat kita, jangan cerita kat orang sebab nanti kelebihan tu hilang. But I was sorely jakun that I couldn’t keep them to myself. And tak kisah sangat pun kalau kelebihan tu hilang. It's better to know nothing than knowing that something bad will happen. And indeed, those things didn’t happen again after that. Now, it has been almost one year since I last had my weird visions. And I didn’t expect it to turn out again.
Until last night…
Mum went to Indonesia for a seminar last Tuesday. And she just got back last night. I remembered one incident in which a friend of Mum’s passed away after he got back from Indonesia. He had a severe diarrhea and he suffered a substantial lost of water. The worst part is, aku dapat rasa yang Mum tak sihat sangat. Aku tanak pikir bende2 merepek but I just couldn’t help myself. I told myself, “Ntah2..” and I prayed hard that nothing bad would happen. I wanted to call Mum last night but takut kacau Mum penat baru balik, I waited until today.
So I called Anid just now, asking her how Mum was doing.. And just like what I had in mind the day before, she told me the last thing I wanted to hear.
“Aku dalam kereta dengan Dad. Baru ambik Mum from hospital. She was warded last night right after she got home. She had a diarrhea..”
I WAS CLUELESS. I didn’t know what to say.
“Tapi Mum dah ok dah sekarang. Ko nak cakap dengan Mum?”
When I heard her voice, I just felt like crying. And I did…
I think I know why I’m running into all these things. Just like what thirah had told me once before, “Maybe you are too in contact with your feelings and minds.” I can tell that what she said was right.
You know what.. I really believe in all these so-called ‘karmas’. Even in Islam, there has never been the word 'coincidence'. Everything happens with a reason. Sounds cliché but it is so damn true that once it incurs, it might drive you nuts. Let me tell you one example.
When I was working on my UCAS form and having severe headache on which university to apply to, I somehow listed Notts out of the roll, simply without any reason. Maybe sebab angah aya kat situ dulu so cam x syok ar nak pegi tempat yg pernah pegi. Heh.. And I really really did not have even the slightest intention to go to Notts. Initially, I wasn’t really fond of going to Newcastle jugak sebab Newcastle penah reject Lupi dulu so agak tak sedap hati la but just because my college has a quite good relationship with them, aku apply jugak la. When my counselor announced the number of applicants of each university, Newcastle was apparently quite outnumbered. So, she advised us to change our choice if possible. I accepted that as a sign so I did change to other university. I don’t know why but out of 21 universities left, I chose Notts. I JUST DON’T KNOW WHY.
But somehow… just somehow.. I knew something weird would definitely come into line. And then, things started to play their roles. Few weeks after they received our forms, we were asked to do some questionnaires on their website. And untuk menjadikkan cerita, I was THE LAST PERSON to do the questionnaires AT THE VERY LAST DAY. Aku pun tak tahu macam mana budak lain dah dapat surat and dah buat that questionnaire and aku tak tahu satu habuk pun pasal questionnaire tu. Perhaps I wasn’t aware enough but… blergghh!~ Why? Rase nak mati jugak ar hari tu. Haha.. Cuak tak bleh blar!! So sekarang, tawakkal je la. But just to let you know that I’m actually waiting for something peculiar to appear. Be it a rejection or any other form of strangeness, I’d accept everything with an open heart.
That is one example la.
Dulu, when my dreams often become true, I used to tell few of friends about them. Orang cakap, benda2 macam ni, kalau berlaku kat kita, jangan cerita kat orang sebab nanti kelebihan tu hilang. But I was sorely jakun that I couldn’t keep them to myself. And tak kisah sangat pun kalau kelebihan tu hilang. It's better to know nothing than knowing that something bad will happen. And indeed, those things didn’t happen again after that. Now, it has been almost one year since I last had my weird visions. And I didn’t expect it to turn out again.
Until last night…
Mum went to Indonesia for a seminar last Tuesday. And she just got back last night. I remembered one incident in which a friend of Mum’s passed away after he got back from Indonesia. He had a severe diarrhea and he suffered a substantial lost of water. The worst part is, aku dapat rasa yang Mum tak sihat sangat. Aku tanak pikir bende2 merepek but I just couldn’t help myself. I told myself, “Ntah2..” and I prayed hard that nothing bad would happen. I wanted to call Mum last night but takut kacau Mum penat baru balik, I waited until today.
So I called Anid just now, asking her how Mum was doing.. And just like what I had in mind the day before, she told me the last thing I wanted to hear.
“Aku dalam kereta dengan Dad. Baru ambik Mum from hospital. She was warded last night right after she got home. She had a diarrhea..”
I WAS CLUELESS. I didn’t know what to say.
“Tapi Mum dah ok dah sekarang. Ko nak cakap dengan Mum?”
When I heard her voice, I just felt like crying. And I did…
2 comments:
deyna..
sbr byk2...
kt doa ur mum cpt sehat..
jgn risau sgt2..nnt kaco urself lak
thanx sarah :) really appreciate your concern
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