..s....i..g.........h..

Have you ever felt like starting a new day with a new hope, new plan and eager to get it started? Well, I feel it like everyday! And the results have never seemed good enough. To be frank, I'm not really sure what my life would lead to in the future. I've been waiting for MARA since months ago and none of the news were ready to be heard. What I really wanted eversince I was a kid had always been my own possession that nobody would comprehend it no matter what. But I'd rather not care what other people think about me. Well it depends. If I think it's worth bothering, then I'll try to improve necessarily.

Eversince I was a little, I try to obtain every dream I pursued in the sence of satisfying myself. And made my parents proud of me. But that was just not the point. As long as I know where to go, I would try to train myself to go with the flow. And if the path was not clear enough, I would rather give it up. Yes, 'give up' was however in my list of options. And I tried to get rid of it though. So, the hardest I work, the satisfied I get. But the problem is....I'm not that good enough to prepare myself for all those things and hesitation held me back most of the times. So, here I am, undecided and unsure with my ability to go through the days ahead.

Yesterday I asked Mum if MARA sent me to do AUSMAT (which I really not prefer to do) instead of IB or A-level. And Mum started to talk about MRCP la bla bla bla. The point is clear, I know. It was just that I got more hesitated than before after I thought of those MRCP Part1 and Part2 laa and whatsoever. "What the heck is that all about???" thought me. I'm not even certain if I got the scholarship!!!! Dush! I feel like killing myself!!

So I woke up this morning, yes, just like usual, with a NEW hope but hell to that anyway. My hopes and dreams were not to be changed. They'll be there, right inside me, barely seen to other people but are vivid to myself. Thanx Abg Amir for the lovely book but as being myself, it has not been written yet. Hehehe =)

'It was the last ray of twilight when my Dad told me that Mum was undergoing a Caesarean delivery for my last sibling. Being a five-year-old girl without knowing the exact meaning of ‘life’ had put me into a very deep confusion. I did not know what it was all about but my thoughts flew off and Mum’s image wandered around my mind. How I wished to be beside her in the operation theatre and comforted her with every will I had. There was a moment of awkwardness, as I tried desperately to come up with a way to explain my thoughtlessness but Dad had always saved me from agitation. “One day, you will understand. And that is if you end up as a doctor.” Ever since, the event is what sparked my interest in medicine.' -the introduction of my MARA p.s. but it's load of waffle that cant be used for UCAS p.s. *sigh*